Funeral arrangements?

So, G's FUN-eral is this upcoming Saturday. He wrote his own eulogy and I cry every time I read it. I just had to re-type it to include in the service program and it has me amazed at how incredibly fortunate I am to have such a love.

He left me some other treasures - pictures and poems - I keep finding them - tucked away in spots; I hope he hid some more for me to find.

But to be honest, I am full of fear and anxiety for this event; it forces me to believe in the more permanent truth. Having our family and friends here, to say their goodbyes has me restless. I am still not prepared to let go; even though he is gone... I am selfish and should not be so, he was in terrible agony and I should be happy that he is no longer. I just wanted him to stay.

Hoss_sl said:

I think I said this in the original Gravy is dying thread, but put me down for cremation with my ashes spread in various places. I want 2 poems read, (these are probably not the correct names) "The road Less Traveled" and "Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep". The second one is why I want to be cremated, I really don't want anyone to come visit my grave and weep. A few in my family know about these wishes and I'm considering putting something in writing. But since it's just those 3 things it doesn't seem worth it.

Click to expand...

Put it in writing...and with a couple of people you trust most in the world.

So - being a grown up sucks sometime...got to tell you, didn't think I would have as much emotional difficulty as I am...opened the box/urn thing today to get out some of G for places other than cold earth...it is very very odd to do this and I haven't stopped crying; trying to find the perfect vessel to hold him for those trips was daunting and then having his ashes on me - pretty hard to take. I am not so strong you know.

So last post about the G's FUN-eral, I hope. It was a SMASHING success...the entire day could not have gone any better. My mom who is very ill was well enough to participate. The weather was fantastic, live music, laughter mixed with tears and great stories told at the cemetery followed by a phenomenal turn-out (about 200 people) at the party. We had a street band made up of G's friends and their friends (G played trombone in the way back) that was so much fun; my cousin and a good friend are amazing at smoking the meat I bought....people from KC and the Carolinas among the guests and VERY particular about bbq all raved about it. (The brisket was unbelievable and so was the pulled pork - just the right amount of smoke - hickory and wild cherry not too heavy) sauce on the side the way it was meant to be plus we had ham, mostacciolli and a bunch of yummy sides. I got "regular beer" in cans (AB products, Coors/Miller products) plus two half barrels of Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat (G loved it) a lot of different wines and liquors and brownies, cookies, cakes and donuts for dessert. Other music played, stories told, fun fun fun. JOY was the word of the day. I am so flipping lucky to know that so many people loved him like I did....well not quite like I did.

I am planning my first trip to leave some of G in a place special to us. He would have been 50 the first week of November. I am taking off work next Friday and will drive to the town in which we met and to the nearby state park where we spent a lot of great time together. I am celebrating his birth and death with mother nature.
Then I am driving to KC to stay with one of his best friends the rest of the weekend to relax.
I am both anxious and excited.

Me and G today...