For my2000thpost, I decided to share a delightful bit of failure I pulled off last night to further solidify my fucktard status.
Backstory:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:Wednesday night, I went to a rave with a few friends. Unfortunately for me though, we drove separately as I had a late night class and they didn"t, so I didn"t get to join in their pre-game festivities. My buddy was bringing my ticket and a respectable amount of molly, so I had to wait outside the club for him since they wouldn"t let people leave and come back in. They took forever to get there and the club closed ridiculously early, so I ended up consuming only a small fraction of my party supplies beforehand, which turned out to be of a suprisingly potent quality. Great times were had at the show, rolled my fucking bawls off and went home with a fairly large amount of chemical happiness for a rainy day. I told myself I"d save it for the next time a decent show came through, as the music scene in my current city is terribad.
The Next Day:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:Spent most of the day studying/doing job search for when I graduate to repent for all the illicit fun I had the night before. I justify occasional hard drug use and debauchery by punishing myself with studies and work. After about 10 hours straight of studies I get a call from a friend inviting me to come have dollar pizza and beer at a local bar. I feel like I"ve worked hard enough to entitle myself to a bit more fun, so I agree to come out.
My friend is a very studious chick with a decent body but bag-worthy face and a forehead that goes for miles. I"m best friends with her roomies, who I spent a considerable time overseas with, and the three of us are basically drinking/party partners when we"re not at school together. Aforementioned chick, who I shall name "sixhead" is always flirting with me, dropping sexually explicit jokes and comments every other sentence or so. We kind of have a weird three"s company thing going on, but I"ve never taken the plunge and done the deed with her. When we first met, I had a cunt of a girlfriend this chick always tried to get me to cheat on (with her), but I managed to resist at every turn. There"s loads of sexual tension, but after I"d broken it off with aforementioned girlfriend, this chick had a new boyfriend, a pantload of a man who complained at hotels about the quality of his pillows.
Well, they"re splitsville now, and I"ve found myself hanging with sixhead more and more as time has gone on... We go out drinking together with our group of friends frequently, but when I"m with these kids I tend to drink until memory loss occurs and sixhead and I usually end up in separate beds. Except for two weeks ago, when I wake up in her bed with her, naked, with scratches on me and no clue as to what exactly happened. I don"t think banging occurred, but it"s a possibility.
ANYWAYS! As mentioned before, she invited me out for pizza and beers with friends, so I decide to join in. Pizza and beers are consumed, good times are had, and she invites me back to her/their place for a toke and a movie. I accept, but need to go back to my place first to grab a bowl since she has no implement and we both hate joints. While I"m rummaging around for my glass (I don"t smoke regularly anymore, so it"s stashed in the very back of a drawer), I happen upon the bag of molly from the night before.
I don"t know why, but for some reason I decided it was a good idea to consume a sizeable quantity of what I had left. I head over, meet up with her and we smoke. While we smoke, she reveals a tit and I get a good handful, happy to have tits offered with no preconditions. We continue smoking, and at this point my previous consumption is starting to set in... She asks me if I want to see a pic of her vagoo to which I respond "Sure!" and then I get a preview of a nice, soapy shower vagina. I ask for the real deal and she starts hitting me with a foot long purple dildo that she apparently had hidden under a pillow. Bitch was planning to ambush me as soon as I got a boner I guess, she"s devious like that.
After being struck 10 or 11 times very forcefully (bruise-worthy) with said sex toy, I evacuate her room to seek asylum with her roommates and we settle in to watch a movie. None of them have any idea that I"ve consumed a large quantity of rave drugs and I don"t exactly want to clue them in, because even I think it"s weird that I decided to consume such things before a quiet movie night. We start watching something horrifically boring for the state I"m in, The King"s Speech, and sixhead is laying on top of me on the couch. At this point, the full force of the drugs I did earlier are hitting me. It"s getting hot, my heart is pounding, and everything I hear from the fucking stuttering bastard on the screen is an echo effect. I can barely sit still and it"s getting unbearably hot, but I don"t want to admit to my friends that I"m the weirdo who did drugs before he came to movie night. It"s horrible. All I want to do is fuck the living daylights out of something, but every time I cop a feel on sixhead she fucking bites me, hard. Which of course only makes me want to bang that much more. I"m pretty sure she understands this which is why she keeps doing it.
Finally, finally, finally, the movie ends and the other roomies are going to sleep, so I fall in line behind sixhead to try and alleviate my horrible condition. I get in the room, and horrified, I see she"s putting on pajamas.
"I"ve never understood why people sleep in pajamas, nudity seems like a much more sensible and natural choice" -I offer
"I"d be right there with you, but I like having something on me when I"m bleeding" -She responds, as she drops the atom bomb
Now I got my red wings years ago, but even in my fucked up, sweaty, delirious state I wasn"t going to give sixhead the satisfaction of our (possible) first fuck being when I was so polluted I was willing to (literally) bloody myself, especially after I was assaulted with a dildo.
In the end, I went home battered, sweaty, and sex-less, utterly demoralized by what I"d encountered. I haven"t seen six-head yet again in an academic/social atmosphere, but I have a feeling that when we do encounter each other, she"ll have some awful shit-eating smirk on her face, and I won"t know how to respond.
I"m 100% positive I am fucking in love with this woman.
