Girls who broke your heart thread

Dabamf said:

No, that was exactly how he should have handled it (minus being "hissy," which I don"t think he was). Agreeing to be friends with a chick you don"t want to be friends with is wrapping your balls up in butcher paper and handing them to her. We"ve already seen at least 1 person here go from the friend zone--which I thought was impossible to recover from--to dating a chick based ONLY on making the same kind of reply Ham did.

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BUT SHE CLEARLY DOESN"T ACTUALLY WANT TO JUST BE FRIENDS.

I sure as fuck hope you guys don"t act like internet genius tough guys in real life, sheeit.

She, who clearly doesn"t want to only be friends or wouldn"t be spending time like she is with him, got a little scared, probably because she clearly likes him MORE than just being friends, and hoping she found a guy who is WILLING to be just friends in light of her/his situation, but also doesn"t want to be best friends, she pulled a dumb little girl thing and said she just wanted to be friends (kinda said this, only kinda it sounds), because she clearly doesn"t want to be best friends.

The proper way to react is to pick up on this.... that I picked up on from text on the fucking internet, and play it cool. Not use "I was drunk" as an excuse to reacting all emo and shit.

But, it"s the internet, so he over reacts maybe to put on a show, just like you use hyperbole and start implying I"m saying he should give in to her every demand.

He should have used the opportunity to say something like: "I understand if you want to just be friends, and I would try, but it would be hard because I really like you and will want more than that eventually."

Not: "Told her I wasn"t friendzone boyfriend replacement material and she was being incredibly naive if she thought I was just looking for a new best buddy to see all the time and buy drinks for. fuck. she got all butthurt saying I was being shitty but fuck her and fuck that whole situation. I just met your stupid ass, I don"t owe you my friendship just because we get along. "


It"s like when a chick obviously wants your socks, but in the heat of the moment says "I"m not sure we should do it... you wouldn"t hate me if we waited, right?"

You say sure, of course it"s fine we wait, and you"re gonna get laid (extra good because she thinks (or hopefully knows if you"re genuine) that you"re not just trying to score). You throw any amount of a fit in response, to either her or the guys at the bar/forum, and you missed the point that it was a test and you clearly just failed, lol.

lot of assumptions in this thread

Thats because people in this thread are retarded.

People assume that when someone had a major issue in their life or something that could cause an outcome on their personality that they"re somehow no longer relationship material and she be banished forever to live alone, which is completely incorrect. If someone was molested by their father as a child and now have issues with that growing up it"s not going to negatively effect your relationship unless you let it.
Same thing can be said for the way someone is acting, 90% of the problems in this thread could be solved if you beta faggots actually went up and TALKED to the person and expressed your sincere feelings rather than sugar coating it or dancing around the point. Treat people the way you want to be treated.


What you did Ham, was perfect for the situation, you let your feelings be known to this chick and let her know exactly what you expect after a couple days of courting. You don"t need advice, if the bitch wanted to be your woman the little bit of courting that happened would have solidified that, however she didn"t, you told her how you felt, shit went sour from there. I commend thee, good job.

Sutekh said:

Thats because people in this thread are retarded.

People assume that when someone had a major issue in their life or something that could cause an outcome on their personality that they"re somehow no longer relationship material and she be banished forever to live alone, which is completely incorrect. If someone was molested by their father as a child and now have issues with that growing up it"s not going to negatively effect your relationship unless you let it.
Same thing can be said for the way someone is acting, 90% of the problems in this thread could be solved if you beta faggots actually went up and TALKED to the person and expressed your sincere feelings rather than sugar coating it or dancing around the point. Treat people the way you want to be treated.


What you did Ham, was perfect for the situation, you let your feelings be known to this chick and let her know exactly what you expect after a couple days of courting. You don"t need advice, if the bitch wanted to be your woman the little bit of courting that happened would have solidified that, however she didn"t, you told her how you felt, shit went sour from there. I commend thee, good job.

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This is a good advice if we all lived in a perfect world, and we don"t. I"ve personally seen, and had, too many beautiful dating situations blow right the fuck up in peoples" faces because they went and asked "So, where do you think this is heading?". People are stupid and like to play games and as long as they do, we"re gonna have threads all over the intertron full of people asking "I really like her, what"s some round-about way to get an assessment of the situation?".

"Blow up in peoples" faces" is what? The friendship ended? The relationship ended? If the relationship isn"t going the way you want it, then it is your duty to make it go that way, if the other person doesn"t want to be a part of that then you need to find someone who will be. Life"s way too fucking short and there are way to many people in the world to waste your time waiting to see if someone will come around. You have to make your own life and your own situations, no one"s going to do that shit for you.

Sutekh said:

"Blow up in peoples" faces" is what? The friendship ended? The relationship ended? If the relationship isn"t going the way you want it, then it is your duty to make it go that way, if the other person doesn"t want to be a part of that then you need to find someone who will be. Life"s way too fucking short and there are way to many people in the world to waste your time waiting to see if someone will come around. You have to make your own life and your own situations, no one"s going to do that shit for you.

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It"s your duty to make it go your way you want after a certain point. That"s the issue, it"s about when, not what you"re going to say. Despite what anyone wants to say, some time has to go by before you"re having the "is this official?" conversation. If you"re halfway through your first date and go "So are you my girlfriend?" and get laughed at don"t go around telling people she wasn"t for you (the general you). It"s not the case, you were just aggressive and creepy. I"m not saying you sit with your thumb up your ass until the sun goes nova, but if you"re into someone, and you want it to work, you need to test the waters first. You can"t just say anything and anytime ready to walk away if you don"t get the answer you want.

You said it blew up in their face, so that wouldn"t be walking away if the answer you got isn"t what you wanted to hear. If you"re asking for someone to be your girlfriend after the first 2 hours of being with them then yeah there"s obviously something wrong, that shit"s common sense and doesn"t need to be said. But there"s been many dates where the "what do you want from life, etc." conversation has come up and letting your feelings known isn"t a bad thing.

Salshun said:

You can"t just say anything and anytime ready to walk away if you don"t get the answer you want.

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That"s why the key is to say what one is genuinely feeling, as was mentioned. If you"re on the first date and are genuinely feeling you want to propose, then it applies even more... if for no other reason than letting the other person know you"re bat-shit insane, lol.

The problem is our culture is oddly more connected than ever, but at the same time more disconnected. We have the appearance and illusion of strong social structures, but really it"s weak as shit these days. Facebook and texting make it feel like we"re open to the world and can always find someone to listen, but meanwhile everyone is just speaking, not listening.

Fuck, I feel old, but young people these days (and starting in my generation, X) are good at saying, terrible at listening. So, when someone says something to them, they mostly just know how to say their side back.

We get situations where one person clumsily says some nonsense about just being friends because she"s terrible at actually expressing herself in terms outside of convoluted Facebook-style status updates. The other person isn"t well versed in figuring out what people say, because most of their practice is Facebook or texting or in school which was the last time they interacted meaningfully with someone outside of customer service.

So, we get clumsy admission retorted with a clumsy admission.

"You"d be okay with just being friends, right?"

"Yeah, I guess, whatever!"

Then both people think they were rejected and ready to walk out, claiming the other is just a bitch/dick for leading them on. Probably just shoulda kept texting "so wat u doin 2nite?" as people these days read into that better than any "real" communication (because it"s easy to just assume "sweet, wants to fuck")

But, imagine this conversation happening with most people who are still dating in these days:

"Hey, you know I just got out of a relationship, so am a bit wary of getting hurt again. I really like you but I want to be sure you feel comfortable taking things slow so I don"t get wigged out."

"Yes, I also got out of a bad relationship recently, and while I"m really horny and really like you a lot, because I really do like you and see potential dating/etc I"ll respect your feelings and we can take things slow. It would probably be better for both of us."

And yes, being slightly artificial, but anyone saying anything they mean these days is a fucking miracle. Usually everyone is just getting out of a bad relationship that failed because of bad communication and can"t figure out how to talk about things openly or clearly so continue to just fail until they meet someone who CAN communicate or they themselves figure it out.

Source: starting college way too late and realizing I was a dumbass at that age too.

Your posts are way to fucking long.

popsicledeath said:

Wall o" text

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Good advice, but more often it goes like this: "Well, we"ve been on one million dates. You can"t stop holding my hand, I"ve met your parents, done everything two people can do. Socially, intellectually, and physically, so I feel it"s time to ask "where do you think this is going""?

"You"re coming on too strong, back up, I just want it to remain casual". The bullshit game factor NEVER leaves. Making something official is like fucking tattooing their name on you. Dating is building a house, making it official is the nail that collapses that fucker.

I think both sides are right a little bit in regards to my situation. Girl has not stopped texting me all day long and has been apologetic, keeps telling me how great I am, etc and has already asked me to confirm she"s still coming over tonight and invited me over for breakfast tomorrow and again on Sunday. I did act in a way I normally would"ve played much cooler if I wasn"t drunk last night, but yeah, typical internet excuse so disregard it if you want.

To be honest, her telling me that took a lot of pressure off the situation. I stated beforehand I didn"t want to be her boyfriend, just wanted some female attention maybe with something physical on the side. Now I can actually slow my roll, wet my dick elsewhere if I feel the need and not feel as much tension around her.

I think she likes me and was afraid I was going to try and fuck her soon, especially since it had been suggested I crash at her place tonight by her roommate. I wish I had played it more cool. Once school starts I"ll be too busy to give her this kind of attention she got this week anyway. Weird how much differently I feel about it 12 hours later.

popsicledeath said:

It"s like when a chick obviously wants your socks.

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haha what

Sutekh said:

If someone was molested by their father as a child and now have issues with that growing up it"s not going to negatively effect your relationship unless you let it.

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Ok ... I have to step in there. That"s not realistic at all. If someone"s been raped or molested by anybody during childhood or adolescence; absolutely that is going to at least initially negatively impact your relationship, especially if it has never been addressed. It is also far more common than you think.

popsicledeath said:

The problem is our culture is oddly more connected than ever, but at the same time more disconnected.

Probably just shoulda kept texting "so wat u doin 2nite?" as people these days read into that better than any "real" communication

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Dad??! how did you get on the internet???

popsicledeath said:

BUT SHE CLEARLY DOESN"T ACTUALLY WANT TO JUST BE FRIENDS.

I sure as fuck hope you guys don"t act like internet genius tough guys in real life, sheeit.

She, who clearly doesn"t want to only be friends or wouldn"t be spending time like she is with him, got a little scared, probably because she clearly likes him MORE than just being friends, and hoping she found a guy who is WILLING to be just friends in light of her/his situation, but also doesn"t want to be best friends, she pulled a dumb little girl thing and said she just wanted to be friends (kinda said this, only kinda it sounds), because she clearly doesn"t want to be best friends.

The proper way to react is to pick up on this.... that I picked up on from text on the fucking internet, and play it cool. Not use "I was drunk" as an excuse to reacting all emo and shit.

But, it"s the internet, so he over reacts maybe to put on a show, just like you use hyperbole and start implying I"m saying he should give in to her every demand.

He should have used the opportunity to say something like: "I understand if you want to just be friends, and I would try, but it would be hard because I really like you and will want more than that eventually."

Not: "Told her I wasn"t friendzone boyfriend replacement material and she was being incredibly naive if she thought I was just looking for a new best buddy to see all the time and buy drinks for. fuck. she got all butthurt saying I was being shitty but fuck her and fuck that whole situation. I just met your stupid ass, I don"t owe you my friendship just because we get along. "


It"s like when a chick obviously wants your socks, but in the heat of the moment says "I"m not sure we should do it... you wouldn"t hate me if we waited, right?"

You say sure, of course it"s fine we wait, and you"re gonna get laid (extra good because she thinks (or hopefully knows if you"re genuine) that you"re not just trying to score). You throw any amount of a fit in response, to either her or the guys at the bar/forum, and you missed the point that it was a test and you clearly just failed, lol.

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Yo you got that from like a paragraph explanation. The problem with this thread is someone gives 4 sentences and everyone makes these insanely detailed analyses like it"s their dissertation.

You know what is the proper sort of response to the information given? "Hey, it might be that she likes you and is a little scared, so she threw out the friend line as a defense." That"s a reasonable point, but it"s overshadowed when you write as if you can read her mind.

On the other hand ,going after what you want is never the wrong choice. Maybe you are right, and she was just scared, and ham shows that he understands if she wants to be friends, but he is not after that and can"t be just a friend to her (the ideal way to put it, minus any anger or hurt). By being direct and asserting his wishes, he either gets what he wants, or he knows she"s not interested right away and can move on asap. If you are right about her being nervous and liking him, then his assertiveness will make her feel apologetic for her poor handling of the situation (which it was; it"s her fear not his) and attempt to make it up to him.

Being assertive is win/win, always. Accepting whatever you can get is nearly always a lose.

Here"s the thing, nerds. I know it"s hard for you to imagine a chick actually liking you, perhaps, but chicks aren"t gonna go out of their way to invite you to things and text you and spend time with you and let you flirt with them unless they"re a) into you or b) think you"re gay and want a shopping buddy. (rare case you"re just a doormat and the chick is using you for money).

It"s not mind reading... it"s not being an anti-social, self-loathing reject.

And my advice IS to be assertive and direct... keeping in mind being assertive doesn"t mean being an immature asshole. The most assertive thing to do is be straight up in a respectful, smooth sort of way--even talking about how you FEEL--but not throwing an emotional fit while drunk and saying she can go fuck herself. That"s not assertive. In fact, it"s probably the opposite.

My guess is if ham admitted to it and was honest, he felt hurt and rejected and disappointed, and maybe didn"t even want to cop to having those feelings, so went with the "fuck her" response and how he just wants to get his dick wet casually to play it cool. My guess, though, unless he"s showing off online, he actually digs her and wouldn"t be wasting his time for some random pussy (that isn"t a stranger to his social network), and if she"s cool and wanted to date him he"d go along with it in a second.

Fun fact: guys who act tough usually aren"t, or they wouldn"t have to act that way. And guys who act like they"re just in it for the casual pussy are usually, deep down, insecure and just wishing for some love and validation.

So, yeah, we generally agree and your argument is you didn"t like that I assumed something that should be common fucking sense if you"ve ever actually been friends with a girl, had a sister, or dated a girl.

Oh, and if being a DICK (remember, it"s not necessarily assertive) makes a chick feel bad and apologetic and to come crawling back... umm, good luck with that dynamic. Probably you"ll just be the ex who was a dick as she hope"s to not be so jaded or damaged that the next guy won"t see an easy target or get on a high-horse and start to judge her elbows as too fucking sharp.

The important thing is I bet ham can wrangle some tit pics. Amirite guys!!!

popsicledeath said:

That"s the thing. She"s basically saying: I really like you but am afraid to be hurt and don"t want to be friends but I"d be more comfortable if you"d be willing to just be my friend even though I don"t really want that because I really like you.

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Holy shit. You are epic trolling Ham or you"ve never seen a pussy in your life. She isn"t saying anything other than "I want to use you as an emotional tampon". He told her exactly where he stood, she got all butthurt(girls always do. They actually believe the bullshit that we want to be friends with hot women. We don"t.). At least now he knows where he stands and can move the fuck on, instead of wasting more time.

Kirun said:

Holy shit. You are epic trolling Ham or you"ve never seen a pussy in your life. She isn"t saying anything other than "I want to use you as an emotional tampon". He told her exactly where he stood, she got all butthurt(girls always do. They actually believe the bullshit that we want to be friends with hot women. We don"t.).

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Yeah, you"re probably right. No, you"re definitely right! That"s exactly what she said, that she wants to use him... ummm, for what, exactly?!

At least now he knows where he stands and can move the fuck on, instead of wasting more time.

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You haven"t read the follow up where he basically admits to over reacting a bit and how she"s said she was basically sorry and now they"re back to "wasting more time" as you would put it?

I think you"re not disclosing some pretty good "girls who broke your heart" stories that would lead you to get so defensive about someone else"s drama and jump right her wanting to use him, because they ALL get butthurt, right. They can be nice, bro, they aren"t all out to hurt you.

Again: you"re making these conclusions on 1-2 paragraphs of info.

Certainty when the situation is too ambiguous to be certain is evidence that you don"t know what you"re talking about.

Dabamf said:

Again: you"re making these conclusions on 1-2 paragraphs of info.

Certainty when the situation is too ambiguous to be certain is evidence that you don"t know what you"re talking about.

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It"s not ambiguous at ALL. She obviously wanted to use ham like a bloody tampon! It"s very clear she"s just selfish and butthurt because she"s super hot and doesn"t understand that NO guy wants to be friends with a hot chick! It"s a good thing ham stopped wasting his time and got the fuck out of that situation fast!

Let me get this straight: the ONLY reason a chick would ever flirt with a guy, and then later on tell him she wants to be friends after a night of drinking, is because she likes him and is afraid? That"s the ONLY reason ever?

Got it. Hey guys friend zoning doesn"t exist. We were wrong all along.