I feel for you Eomer, no doubt the frustration of getting involved w/ anyone is a large part of the appeal of just saying fuck it and being a man-whore. It"s worth it in the end though when you meet someone that you truly line up with perfectly.
I wouldn"t put much weight in her explanations either. In all likelihood she just lost her feelings and has been searching for reasons why, that"s why the explanations never fully make sense and constantly change. When I broke up w/ my gf of 1 year in college, pretty much the most perfect relationship I could have asked for, I gave her a slew of reasons, all of which I actually thought were the real reasons. Years later I realized it was because I was still young and needed to go out on my own and have many female adventures before I settled down. Point is, she likely just lost that feeling of connection and can"t quite figure out why. You may not know why, but given time you"ll look back and be able to see quite well where things went wrong.
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Since no one has new adventure stories to share I"ll go back to my own dead horse. I mentioned I was finished w/ the Korean girl, but I kind of just let it die without ending it explicitly. Well she started contacting me on her own so I decided I was gonna have to call it quits officially. But I gave it a few days to reflect and get a better read on what happened.
I have repeatedly forgotten that I"m dealing with a Korean girl and the signals that I expect back in the States are not what I should expect here. Men are expected 10x as much to take the lead and what normally means disinterest in the states doesn"t mean the same thing here. With a little time under my belt, my read on everything that happened is that shedidlose some of the admiration & drive to impress me when I was overly stressed & not acting like myself, but she"s still interested in seeing me, she just had more of the "upper hand" to put it overly simply.
The reality is that she"s cool enough and fun enough that we can just meet once a week or so and have a good time and I"d be good with that now. But there was also the issue of her putting in little to no effort (typical Korean girl style), making it so the actual reward isn"t worth the effort required to make it happen. I talked to her today and basically explained that word for word. She has a few minor but time-consuming medical issues and a lot of other stuff going on that makes her unavailable for large stretches of time. I ended up explaining to her on the phone that I understood she has a lot of things going on, and I wanted to continue seeing her, but that what is currently going on isn"t working for me. It"s all good if we just meet once a week or whatever, but if I have to call repeatedly and play whack-a-mole with her schedule while she makes few accommodations, it wasn"t worth it to me. She said she understood my frustrations, and understood if I wanted to break up. She said she always thinks about me though and wants to continue to see each other when we can, and said she would be better at communicating things with me.
I made sure I was clear that I am willing to walk away. It was hard to avoid coming off as whiny and needy and I think undoubtedly I did at least a little bit, but I tried as hard as possible to communicate that I wanted to see her but the difficulties were just not making it worth it, and was clear that the change was gonna have to be on her end. I know I successfully conveyed the message I wanted to on the phone, and put her back in the position of trying to earn my approval, but I"m not confident that it is gonna inspire any real change in her behavior. So I think I"m just being reluctant to put the nail in the coffin, even though I have 0 hope or expectations for a long-term relationship with the girl based on some of her traits.
In the meantime though, waiting around isn"t preventing me from meeting anyone new, so I"m not doing myself a disservice for the long-term. If I meet someone new who I get along with really well tomorrow, I"d have no issue calling it quits with this one. Maybe that"s kind of asshole-ish, I don"t know.
