I got a little story that is not really related to this thread but close enough as this is more or less the livejournal thread. I have this friend in Korea, an American, who is a lesbian. She is quite sure of her sexuality and never dabbles in men, ever, and never desires to. Over the past few months we"ve become incredibly close and we get along phenomenally. It"s like if my sister were a few years older and had no attitude problem, and that"s her. Well like 2 months ago we were drunk together and she told me she is attracted to me. It really put her off balance because she said that she"s never been attracted to a man in her life. I didn"t put any thought into it because there is 0 chance I would understand anything beyond what she tells me, and I interpreted as just simple attraction. I"ve had female friends I"m attracted to, and if I sensed a romantic incompatability I had no problem being just friends with them. So I figured it was nothing.
Well last week a group of people are out drinking heavily. As we are all on our separate ways home, I get a call from her saying we can"t be friends anymore, can"t hang out, etc etc. The next day she explained it was much more intense than simple attraction and she had to create a lot of space between us to work it out, even though she"s been trying to do that now apparently for months.
Does that make sense to anyone? I was completely caught off guard; I didn"t even consider that to be in the realm of possibilities. And there is no chance for me to make sense of it on my own because it"s such a foreign thing to me.
So I"m gonna go with either (1)it means I possess the elusive team-switching skill that straight women around the world wish they had with gay men and I will teach it and become a billionaire, or (2) I am secretly a woman. But I just went to the bathroom an hour ago and my penis is still there so (2) is looking weak. I"m not a manly man but I"m no where near femenine, and I talk about girls and sex all too often around her and she hates it (she"s a hardcore femenist and thinks I"m a tad mysognistic).
Back on track, I got back together with DG. I think my looming vacation skewed my judgmet and made me act a little hastily before, the desire to get some strange ass and all (when in reality when I was there I couldn"t have cared less about that). It"s still a time-limited thing and language issues are still there, but I"m enjoying it again a lot for the time being. And I learned recently a huuuge sign I"ve always failed to notice that distinguishes disinterested girls from very interested but apprehensive/shy girls. I always had trouble tellin the difference. She opened up so much more after I pursued her so intensely for the past week, and I was able to sort of trace it back to things she did that I thought were power games or signs of disinterested, but were in fact her protecting her ego until I made the first leap. I can"t quite pinpoint it explicitly though.
I am starting to notice that Korean girls almost have an inherent self-esteem issue. Just being born a Korean girl, most likely to do with the culture, guarantees a significant amount of insecurity it seems like.