Girls who broke your heart thread

Which is why I said "in a mild sense".

The only reason (twice) I ever started talking to my ex again after we went no contact, was because of late night "gut feelings". That is all I am referring too. It"s a decision made because youre lonely. It"s one I will not make again. Good luck, man.

In my defense, I never had a kid with a crazy chick. The crazy came after this kid, for whatever reason it might be. Postpartum, not being able tosew her wild oatswhen she was younger, the fact that she woke up one day and realized she hated me... I have no idea, but it happened after I chose to start a family with her.

And the woman that hurt me, I was with 8 years total... Youre talking about 2 months.

Eomer,

I"ve been through something very similar with the girl I"m seeing now and it was completely worth giving her another shot. There"s been a few flakely flashbacks to her old ways but those are gone and now that she"s comfortable - it"s fucking awesome.

Three years ago we fooled around with the idea of dating but she was all over the place, flakey, and more interested in rico suave who would bang her in alleys then ditch her for a week. Young and dumb at the time.

We stayed in touch once every few months, I stopped wanting anything. A year after I was completely past her, we randomally reconnected. The attraction never faded. It took a long time to build up and while I constantly thought she was going back to her old ways, it turned out that this time around she was terrified of me rejecting her and blowing her out - that really still blows my mind heh.

Anyway, even if there"s a few bumps deal with it - and don"t just act like you"re willing to walk away... be ready to walk away because of the realization that if she goes back to the bullshit, she"s not worth it and you are.

Snugglebear said:

Anne seems nice, just remember to treat her like shit this time around.

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Haha, seriously this is problably the best likelihood for success. Not that the relationship has a chance for long term if you do this, but it"s a good experiment to see just how much changing a key detail can change her opinion of you.

But, my money"s on the same shit happening, only 2-3 weeks of interest by her, enough to suck you in andstart caring, most importantly, at which point it goes to shit.

My guess is she"s attracted to the game you unknowingly played with her. I imagine you unintentionally did a lot of push/pull and active distinterest (most important, as it contrasts so heavily with your past behavior that it should create even more of a response) with her.

As always, I"m interested in what happens with it. I love testing ideas & getting them shot down, only to form new wrong ideas.

Dabamf said:

Haha, seriously this is problably the best likelihood for success. Not that the relationship has a chance for long term if you do this, but it"s a good experiment to see just how much changing a key detail can change her opinion of you.

But, my money"s on the same shit happening, only 2-3 weeks of interest by her, enough to suck you in andstart caring, most importantly, at which point it goes to shit.

My guess is she"s attracted to the game you unknowingly played with her. I imagine you unintentionally did a lot of push/pull and active distinterest (most important, as it contrasts so heavily with your past behavior that it should create even more of a response) with her.

As always, I"m interested in what happens with it. I love testing ideas & getting them shot down, only to form new wrong ideas.

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The rational thinking side of me essentially agrees with most of what you"ve said. I wouldn"t go so far as to say I need to treat her like shit, but certainly I won"t be diving back in to it like we did the first time around, because when I stopped making her work for my approval and reciprocated her feelings and comments was about the exact moment when things went to shit. Who knows what"ll happen.

Eomer said:

when I stopped making her work for my approval and reciprocated her feelings and comments was about the exact moment when things went to shit.

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Gotta love woman-logic. However that rationale makes sense to them - it sure doesn"t make sense to anyone else.

Eomer said:

because when I stopped making her work for my approval and reciprocated her feelings and comments was about the exact moment when things went to shit

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I have say that if this really turns out to be the case, what in the world are you doing with her? When I first started seeing my girlfriend (about 2 1/2 years ago), I played that same game as well. I did the whole push/pull thing, the teasing, the backhanded compliments, the next-next-day phone calls, I mean the whole deal. About two weeks into dating her we were getting out of her car to go into a restaurant when she made some remark (I don"t remember what it was), but with my mind on auto-pilot cocky/funny I immediately responded with a backhanded compliment. I looked at her and smiled real wide and I remember she stepped out of the car, stuck her head back in, looked right at me and said "listen, I like you, a lot, but I don"t like it when you insult me. Stop doing it." I was pretty deep into that bullshit so I, of course, immediately thought that this was some kind of test and if I folded here she"d lose all respect for me and that would be that. I also thought, well, maybe I should just give her a chance, maybe she"ll be different. So I did, and she was.

I guess what I"m trying to say is that there are girls out there that don"t need to be gamed or managed, where all you have to do to get a fair shot is to be yourself. Those, to me, seem to be the ones that are worth going after.

Seconding Whyme here. That stuff is *great* at first, just as a fun way to get comfortable with eachother. But it can"t be the grounds of the relationship. Eventually, you have to let 90% of it go and just know you"re worth it and don"t need any crutch to keep her around.

If the push/pull is all that is sustaining it, it"s not meant to be. Let the relationship turn into a truly rewarding mutual experience that betters both of you as individuals.

I too ran into the "you"re so mean to me" in a hurtful way after about 2 months of it. The best part is, I don"t have to use any of that shit anymore and it"s so fucking liberating just being real and raw. It"s because of who she is though - I put it aside and it paid off.

To me it"s always been about practicing or mimicking certain behaviors until it became natural for me. If you aren"t good at talking to girls, you have to practice and fail before you get good, as is the case with any skill. If you don"t know what you"re doing or get unexpected reactions all the times, following the game is incredibly helpful to get you on the right track. You can practice ideas and behaviors and seewhyit works. Eventually you come to internalize it, some faster than others of course.

There is common wisdom that once you start trying to use the game, you get worse before you get better. You"re still not confident with women but you suddenly look like you"re insulting them. Your behavior isn"t consistent and women can see that. But over time, if you pay attention and try to learn from it and see what works and why, you internalize it and slowly, over time, use less game and more personality. The end goal is to just make a woman feel good when she"s around you. That can"t happen when you have no balls and just throw her compliment after compliment, because you"re only doing that because you"re looking for validation from her. But if you are confident and show that you aren"t worried about other people"s evaluations, just telling a girl she"s beautiful can make her melt, whereas if it was from the awkward kid, she"d get uncomfortable and think you"re creepy. Many/most guys can"t get to that point though without practicing their game.

I"m at a point where I more or less naturally do what I need to do. Occasionally with texts and shit I"ll play a little push/pull deliberately, but in person it just kinda flows naturally. The teasing comes out naturally, but I do it about 1/4 as much as I used to and with better results. The qualification comes more naturally, the uncommitted interest, etc. But I"da never achieved any of that without playing games HARD for the better part of a year, or more. And I know if I had done that longer or been more committed, I"d be more natural now, but I had my fill.

There is no point to this post.

Agreed. All the "game", or pick up artist, stuff, is mainly meant to give you enough confidence to talk to ANY woman, regardless of how attractive she is, with the same self esteem/confidence you would have talking to a guy friend. That is, to make you as comfortable around any woman, whether she"s a perfect 10 a total uggo in your mind. Once you realize this, or hit that point, the "game" and all it"s rules become totally irrelevant.

The push/pull shit is mainly to show the girl that her beauty isn"t enough to let you waive any BS she throws at you because of her beauty. If she"s gonna act like a bitch/psycho/etc, you are gonna call her on it. The more attractive they are, the more they are attracted they are to you, or want you,becauseyou called them on their flaws. Most guys would pretend like they are perfect because of their physical beauty alone. When they realize you aren"t as phased by that as most guys are, they work harder to earn your approval.

To most women, or "white knight" guys, that last paragraph might sound sexist, or demeaning. But, the inverse is true. Imagine a girl that is marginally attractive, who constantly tells you how awesome and sexy you are. I"m talking to the poin

Dabamf said:

To me it"s always been about practicing or mimicking certain behaviors until it became natural for me ... But over time, if you pay attention and try to learn from it and see what works and why, you internalize it and slowly, over time, use less game and more personality. The end goal is to just make a woman feel good when she"s around you. ... But if you are confident and show that you aren"t worried about other people"s evaluations, just telling a girl she"s beautiful can make her melt ... Many/most guys can"t get to that point though without practicing their game.

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Agreed. All the "game", or pick up artist, stuff, is mainly meant to give you enough confidence to talk to ANY woman, regardless of how attractive she is, with the same self esteem/confidence you would have talking to a guy friend.

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Very well said psychobabble and 100% true. Pretty much the end-all post of the singles game.

Then you marry someone, have kids, and everything changes. This is what I"m stuck on. When are you fuckers gonna make the "Wives who are fucking up your life" thread? That"s what I need.

Zinke said:

I"m talking to the poin

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I want to know how the rest of this post ends. 8(

I like to think he brought some chick home with him, told her to go wait while he dispensed some wisdom to his childrens and got about 3 paragraphs in when unable to contain her animal lust she pounced on him.

It was all he could do to hit submit reply and in a few days time he"ll come back with an even more enlightened post entitled, "FUCK ALL I JUST SAID. IGNORE BITCHES, GET LAID."

For those of you who have a lot of luck on PoF, Match, or OkCupid...what does your profile read? I feel like mine is too formal and that might be scaring some chicks off...

Also, whats a good first message to send someone?

Tarrant220 said:

With my girlfriend that I met on OkCupid in her "contact me it" section she had a part in Swedish that said something like "if you"re a special person"

I Google translated it and then wrote her a message saying something like "I would like to say I was special enough that I was able to understand what your Swedish meant, but I Google translated it online...but I still think I"m pretty darn special"

She thought it was amusing and responded back. Be kinda witty while at the same time showing you took the time and effort to read their profile. Bitches love to feel special.

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But considering that the response rate on PoF can be 1 in 10 depending on how your profile looks, it"s not time efficient to send every girl a personalized message unfortunately. I can"t remember which dating website it was, but one of the owners or moderators did a pretty long post statistically analyzing messages on his website and pretty much confirmed that for your first message you"re much better off going with something quick and short, and saving much effort/thought for subsequent messages if she responds.

Hence the whole "divorce" line that a number of us were using awhile back. Basically you want to come up with a fairly generic one that"s somewhat off the wall and gets the girl thinking, as opposed to the usual "hey you"re purty wanna chat?" messages that they get 20-50 a day of. Send that out in batches of 10 to 20 and go from there.

It"s unfortunate because it makes you feel like you"re just going for whoever will happen to respond to you, but that"s the reality of online dating. At least on free websites, anyway. The signal to noise ratio is fucking huge, and a lot of the people on PoF are there cause friends told them to put up a profile and have little intention of responding or meeting. Protip: never own up to the fact that your initial message was essentially a form letter once you"ve started dating a girl in earnest, because it might shatter the perfect little fairytale fantasy narrative that the girl has created in her own mind. I can"t remember how, but it came up with Xerxes and she wasfucking pissed.

On a personal note, plans changed and I didn"t end up leaving town this weekend or seeing Diane. She was pretty disappointed when I emailed her back saying I wasn"t going to come down, tried to convince me to come but it just didn"t make sense to drive 8 hours in total to ski a shitty ski hill when I had a bunch of stuff to get done round here. Dinner with Annabelle tomorrow.

Draegan said:

So a bunch of pages back someone linked an OkCupid forum thread. I randomly signed up at that time and met a chick from there. We"re now dating. So I can thank FOH for getting laid on a regular basis now.

I knew there was a reason I came here.

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...And of last night we"re engaged to be married. Thanks FOH!

It depends on sites too I would imagine, and again maybe even regionally. With PoF being a free site and quite popular around here, I found it didn"t matter if I tailored responses or not, I was lucky to have a 20% response rate. I"m sure with paid sites you might start to see a better payoff for tailoring the messages since there"s not nearly as much noise.