Girls who broke your heart thread

Whyme said:

Brit sounds like a keeper. I"d cut Diane loose.

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Diane"s the long time friend that I hooked up with, so there"s no cutting her loose really because other than the story I will relate below, nothing"s happened. It"s New Anne that I have to cut loose. Please note that the following story was actually sent to a female friend that I"ve been chatting with about relationship stuff since last summer, when we were both going through break-ups, and I"m too lazy to re-type the same story tailored towards this thread/audience, so that"s why it may seem out of context or whatever you want to call it:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:So the friend I hooked up with back in December was in town tonight. We"d been in each other"s towns (she"s down in Calgary) a couple times but things never worked out for meeting up since. We"ve texted or emailed a bit, but nothing substantial at all since we hooked up, nothing"s been discussed at all.

So when I was through Calgary a couple weeks ago I looked her up, but she already had plans. She mentioned she"d be in Edmonton for a few days in a couple weeks and that we should do a "dinner or lunch date." I said sure, it was my birthday round then anyway, she said great we"ll celebrate and that was it.

I get an email from her on Monday with several of our mutual friends CC"d, saying that she was going to take me out to dinner this week but that after talking with Troy (that cock blocking fucker) it would be a good idea to get "everyone" together instead. Everyone ended up consisting of Troy, his brother Nathan and his girlfriend, and the two of us. Whatever though, it was a good meal and Nathan and I hadn"t had a chance to talk much since he"s been back from London.

However partway through the meal Diane mentions that she"s going to see a house after. That catches me by surprise because to be quite honest I more or less expected we"d be heading back to her hotel after given our previous conversations as well as her body language etc at dinner (big, firm, long hug, touchy feely, turning to face me when talking etc). It then comes out she"s going to see her ex-boyfriend"s place, who she dated for 5+ years and broke up with a year or so ago.

I didn"t really react to it, and let Nathan give her a hard time about it as he has no idea that anything"s happened between the two of us. Nathan was just bugging her about hanging out with an ex a year after etc and Diane defended herself saying they dated for a long time and were friends etc. Meanwhile I"m sitting there quite fucking pissed about it while Troy who DOES know what"s gone on is trying hard not to laugh.

Later during dinner while the other three are talking she remarks half to herself that she should just blow Brian (the ex) off tonight. I mutter that yes, she should, and we both joined the conversation again.

After we paid the bill (she insisted on paying for mine) and were finishing our drinks, Brian walks in to the restaurant. He"s never liked or respected any of Diane"s friends including me near as I can tell, or he"s socially retarded. He knows everyone at the table, yet walks up without any smile or salutation to anyone else and asks Dina if she"s ready to go. I put on a big shit eating grin and say hey it"s great to see him and how"s the house renovation going and so on. At that point he managed to say hello to three people he"s known for nearly a decade.

So they got up and left, and again Diane made a big production about giving me a big hug and kiss on the cheek (she didn"t with Nathan or Troy) before she left.

So yeah, spent most of last night after dinner scratching my head. She mentioned in the texts a few weeks previous that she"d be in town a lot over the next months, which I took as an indication she wanted to hang out and possibly see where things go. Now I"m left wondering if we"re just back to friends and that was a one time thing (that"s fine), if we"re friends with (widely dispersed) benefits, or if she does want something more than that (she"s said off and on over the years that she pretty much thinks I"m awesome and that we should end up together, the way girls often do with good friends that they don"t ACTUALLY end up with).

From my perspective I"m not really sure what I"m after either with respect to her. I think that we"d likely make a good couple, but at the same time she"s got a fair bit of crazy in her. I actually had a huge crush on her when we first met in grade 7 and it continued throughout school, but nothing ever came of it. So I think if we did start dating feelings would develop, but as it stands I"m not particularly upset or disappointed that things may not go anywhere. More just wondering what the hell any of it means.

New Anne wise, what"s the best way to end things you think? Again, we"ve only actually gone out 5 times over the past 3 months due to schedules etc, so I don"t believe she"s going to freak out or anything, but I"m not sure exactly how to approach it and I"d like to do it as nicely as possible because she"s a great girl and you never know what happens in the future with her or friends of hers. Not to mention that things are a little sticky right now with the whole chlamydia thing, I don"t want her to think I"m no longer seeing her cause I think she"s dirtay or something. Obviously I owe her at least a telephone call if not outright in person. What sort of explanation should I give her? As little as possible, just saying "things aren"t working out, it"s not you it"s me" and leave it at that? Or give her some further detail about my history with Old Anne and that the relationship was likely doomed or stunted from the start because of it? I hate breaking up with chicks, even though technically we aren"t together anyway.

Eomer said:

[...] but at the same time she"s got a fair bit of crazy in her.

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Maybe it is me, but without any crazy ... women tend to be abit on the boring side. I mean, being nice, classy, whatever maybe great and what you are looking for in the long run. But without a little crazy and drama, staying interested tends to be a bit of a problem.

There is a reason so many cheat with a 10-20 year younger (emotional unstable) chick. Quite some marriages went to hell because of this where I used to live.

Inconsiderable said:

There is a reason so many cheat with a 10-20 year younger (emotional unstable) chick.

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Buddy, it"s aint got nothing to do with their personality.


PS Women don"t "go for" assholes, they go for self-confident which most assholes are.

Yes, it does. That they are young and ohsotight might be nice, but thats not enough to make you cheat. Or shouldnt be anyway.

Inconsiderable said:

Yes, it does. That they are young and ohsotight might be nice, but thats not enough to make you cheat. Or shouldnt be anyway.

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wat

I dunno bout you, but when I"m 50 and quite possibly tied up with a wife of similar age, I"m not going to be oogling cute girls walking down the street because I think they might be intellectually stimulating. I"m oogling them strictly due to their physical attractiveness, and likely would find their personalities to be something I would just have to put up with to get some hot young ass.

God I can"t wait to be a dirty old man.

Oh trust me, on the ski trips I"ve lately very much been feeling it. I turned 29 last week, and the demographic on the trips is early 20"s most of the time. Although actually the two smoking hot sisters from a couple trips ago that I wanted to get with but felt guilty about it had guessed my age at 24, so perhaps I"ve still got some legs left.

Then again a waitress sitting on my lap last year at this black tie hockey pool thing I do every spring guessed I was 38.... cunt.

Eomer said:

New Anne wise, what"s the best way to end things you think?

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My advice, since this gal has seemed decent: be honest with her and tell her you"d like to break things off. From my read of it, your schedules haven"t worked out and you"re having trouble building any sort of chemistry with her. Keep it simple and honest. Also, man up and break things off face-to-face. You"ve slept with her a couple of times, so don"t call things off over a text. Only go the phone route if you really have no balls (or because her schedule prevents you two from meeting up again until sometime in May).

I would definitely steer clear of bringing up a bunch of excuses, and for God"s sake don"t bring up Anne 1.0 or whatever the hell you"re referring to her as these days. The last thing you want is for her to think you"re batshit insane and lose that Gold Standard reputation you"ve built.

Meet her in person, don"t lie, break up. Success.

And why do you say shit like "this could be a girl I fall for really quick"?? What the hell happened to "I really like her so far" the end? Why are you already predicting some all-or-nothing scenario? It"s always either "This isn"t a girl I could see myself dating for a long time" or "I definitely could marry this girl and turn her vagina into a clown car." That shit just REALLY sets off my weird-alarm. It"s not healthy dude. And I know you"re saying it half in jest and also poking fun at yourself at times, but it"s still fuckin weird. I bust on myself all the time but shit like that never crosses my mind because it"s weird.

Inconsiderable said:

Maybe it is me, but without any crazy ... women tend to be abit on the boring side. I mean, being nice, classy, whatever maybe great and what you are looking for in the long run. But without a little crazy and drama, staying interested tends to be a bit of a problem.

There is a reason so many cheat with a 10-20 year younger (emotional unstable) chick. Quite some marriages went to hell because of this where I used to live.

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It"s ok as long as the crazy only comes out in the bedroom, or whatever other preferred place of intercourse you have.

Oh and happy belated birthday, Eomer, you old fart

Dabamf said:

Meet her in person, don"t lie, break up. Success.

And why do you say shit like "this could be a girl I fall for really quick"?? What the hell happened to "I really like her so far" the end? Why are you already predicting some all-or-nothing scenario? It"s always either "This isn"t a girl I could see myself dating for a long time" or "I definitely could marry this girl and turn her vagina into a clown car." That shit just REALLY sets off my weird-alarm. It"s not healthy dude. And I know you"re saying it half in jest and also poking fun at yourself at times, but it"s still fuckin weird. I bust on myself all the time but shit like that never crosses my mind because it"s weird.

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Because he"s old and wants to get married.

It"s not the fact that he assesses whether or not girls are long term material, it"s the fact that he does it IMMEDIATELY after meeting them.

The Ancient said:

It"s not the fact that he assesses whether or not girls are long term material, it"s the fact that he does it IMMEDIATELY after meeting them.

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You guys are reading way too much in to what I said. I likely said something similar regarding New Anne and look how that"s turned out: disinterest. Sheesh, relax.

No comments on Diane"s bizarre behavior? () The female friend I related that to basically said she"s a cunt for doing what she did and I should tune her in to the situation. I don"t think it"s that bad and she"s a long time friend so I don"t want to start some big blow up, but I will likely say something to her about it, if only because I think she genuinely has no idea that what she did was kind of fucked up.

Oh yeah and likely gonna grab lunch with New Anne on the weekend and end things. On another note, fuck whatever antibiotic they give you for chlamydia (99.9% sure test will come back negative anyway). Within 15 minutes of taking it I was nauseous, nearly puked at 30 minutes when I sneezed, and at 60 minutes I was shitting out my life on the toilet. Hate that stuff.

Not sure why you"re so obsessed with this girl. You sat there and watched her leave to go have sex with another dude. You think that would put up red flags and be like. Hmm maybe I should look for someone else that isn"t a flakey bitch.

Sutekh said:

Not sure why you"re so obsessed with this girl. You sat there and watched her leave to go have sex with another dude. You think that would put up red flags and be like. Hmm maybe I should look for someone else that isn"t a flakey bitch.

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Ummm, I"m not obsessed. I doubt she had sex with her ex, but who knows. I"m just curious for opinions on it because the whole thing was pretty bizarre. I"m not going to and haven"t been actively pursuing her other than looking for a hook-up here or there when we happen to be in the same town.

You guys really read in to shit way too much, or blow things out of proportion.

Eomer said:

You guys are reading way too much in to what I said. I likely said something similar regarding New Anne and look how that"s turned out: disinterest. Sheesh, relax.

No comments on Diane"s bizarre behavior? () The female friend I related that to basically said she"s a cunt for doing what she did and I should tune her in to the situation. I don"t think it"s that bad and she"s a long time friend so I don"t want to start some big blow up, but I will likely say something to her about it, if only because I think she genuinely has no idea that what she did was kind of fucked up.

Oh yeah and likely gonna grab lunch with New Anne on the weekend and end things. On another note, fuck whatever antibiotic they give you for chlamydia (99.9% sure test will come back negative anyway). Within 15 minutes of taking it I was nauseous, nearly puked at 30 minutes when I sneezed, and at 60 minutes I was shitting out my life on the toilet. Hate that stuff.

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Umm, dude she"s not that into you ? (Diane that is).

Seriously bud. Ignore her, move on to your new possibility and just chalk it up to experience. Do you really want to go through the drama of dealing with an ex that is still hanging about like a floater in the bowl ?

Eomer said:

Ummm, I"m not obsessed. I doubt she had sex with her ex, but who knows. I"m just curious for opinions on it because the whole thing was pretty bizarre. I"m not going to and haven"t been actively pursuing her other than looking for a hook-up here or there when we happen to be in the same town.

You guys really read in to shit way too much, or blow things out of proportion.

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Stop that.

You threw it up here for comment (twice even) and then get all defensive when people like, well, comment. You are channeling Brad here and that"s not a good thing. At all.

You know that the right thing to do here is just ignore her from now on. That"s a pretty shitty way to treat anyone what she did. At the very least, given your history, she should have given you a head"s up that it really was just only going to be dinner that night.

Quote: Eomer Ummm said:

Lusiphur said:

Stop that.

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Listen to this man.

It"s amazing the things that we fail to notice simply because of our proximity to the situation. Until you can begin to admit to yourself that there may be some truth in what some of us are saying (regarding insecurity issues, acting a little strange sometimes, having unrealistic expectations, etc.) you will keep making the same mistakes.

And you have been - just go back and read the last couple months of your posts, they all follow the same pattern: you post a story, we tell you what you did wrong, you defensively deny it and claim we are "over-reading" things and then you go right back to square 1. At least Brad is taking the advice. I dunno. We can"t help you if you don"t start helping yourself first.

edit: I don"t want it to seem like I"m bashing you. We all go through this stuff, all of us. All of us deal with insecurity, and all of us have made mistakes when it comes to relationships. Many, many, many mistakes. At some point though, you have to stop kidding yourself and really focus on changing your behaviors so that they don"t lead you to the same places you"ve been before. That"s all I"m saying.