Girls who broke your heart thread

Inconsiderable said:

Or simply start massive dating again and find a girl to keep my mind and body busy and just forget about her.
But I dont want to be the next one to hurt her. I am a good guy. RL Paladin.

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If you don"t do anything wrong or dishonest, I think there is some cowardice to being afraid to hurt another person (by acts like breaking up, etc). Most people are naturally opposed to causing pain to others, of course, but just like sometimes you gotta suck up some short term pain to do what"s best for you, sometimes you gotta suck up some pain to others to do what"s best for you.

ya feels me?

Here"s a story I haven"t told in a while. I cannot get my desire for some strange out of my mind. I have concluded that the only reason I"ve been with DG so long is because I know I"m leaving and I kinda gave up hope to have fun adventures with Korean girls because they operate on some frequency that is totally foreign to me. Now, this desire for strange happened in college with a girl I dated for a year and I chalked it up to just needing more experience/adventures with girls, but I"ve had a certain fill of that and I didn"t desire more...until I was over 6 months into a relationship.

Now every hot Korean girl I see my mind wanders forever and I am balls deep at the end of the thought. Of course my mind strategically avoids the inevitable pubefro image. My problem is 2 fold: (1)I love having guaranteed sex (and condom-free while she"s on the rag (I don"t mind doing battle)) and (2) I already broke up with her once and hurt her so much. So back to the coward statement...I empathize too much with people and hate seeing people in pain, and it"s especially difficult with her. The easy way out is we break up when I leave the country as was always planned, and we are forever on good terms and we can have random hookups when I undoubtedly visit Korea again for fun or she visits the states.

On the other hand, I now understand Korean women a lot better, am a lot happier here than I was when I dated that one chick a year ago and lost my balls, and I"m too busy now to waste my time (which means girls would more naturally come to me). I have little doubt that I could date casually without much difficulty. I live in the city now and there are more women around me and more to be introduced to, compared to working in isolation up in a suburb that is inherently more conservative.

I brought up to DG that I felt like she was wasting her time with me due to the fact that she"s 32 and she wants to have a family. I"ve been overtly--and almost at an asshole level--clear about the certainty that we"re over when March 2011 comes so that she has no delusions, but she will never make a statement one way or another. I can"t pull out of her any response but "I don"t know" when I talk about that stuff. I almost asked her to consider herself open to dating other guys, and we can hang out in the meantime still. Of course with that thought was the assumption that I"d also be free to fool around, but I honestly don"t think that was my motivation. I think I want her to break up with me for her own good. ButIdon"t want to do it and cause her pain.

Also, my purpose is clearer. I long planned to go to grad school for clinical psychology, but only recently have actually felt the desire to study again. Years of questioning what I want to do with my life have given way to clear purpose, and there are few greater feelings than that. And with it brings hours a day of studying for the GRE again in the fall with a lofty, but attainable, target score. I am competent at my job and I really like it, I have a goal in place and am actively working towards it, and my confidence has never been higher. I have recently been in a situation where I instinctively move to ask a girl out (as in the first step, with intention, which is 99% of the battle), without nervousness or any thought at all, and have to stop myself for obvious fidelity reasons. I"ve never had that confidence to so openly and naturally do what I want. But again, on the other hand, I really like being in a relationship, having someone I"m close to to hang out with, and I really enjoy her company.

In summary, I want to have my cake and have sex with it, too.

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This doesn"t really have much to do with the topic at hand, but I just got a phone call from a good friend. Apparently he asked his girlfriend of 7 (8?) years to marry him. They"ve been going out since their early 20"s, and I"ve known that particular guy since we were 12 (we were actually in the same babysitting co-op when we were 2 along with some other people that are in the same circle but I don"t count that) and the girl since high school. They"re the first of what I would consider my inner circle of friends to make the plunge. That inner circle is all people I went to grade school with consisting of 15-20 people depending on where the lines are drawn, and we"re all in our late 20"s now.

Couple that with my bro saying he"s expecting his first kid in the fall and it feels like I"ve aged about 10 years in the past week. Not necessarily in a bad way, but those two things have put things in perspective far more than anything else ever has for me in terms of age or maturity or "growing up."

Nothing to report ladies wise really. Hooked up with a girl from one of my ski trips last weekend. Her friend had hooked up with mine on the trip a few weeks back and they came out to meet us at a bar. I didn"t even really intend on going home with her, my buddy invited them out and I nearly left before they showed up, but she more or less made the decision for me. Nice girl, would do again, but as she"s 20 there"s no interest on either side in any sort of relationship. Diane"s coming to town this weekend to be my date for a different wedding, that"ll be interesting!

Ham n Cheese said:

Then she casually mentions her boyfriend one day lol (her fb status said single too).

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Either FZ or she might be willing to upgrade. You know.. you get along so well, she likes you, she wants you and then she realizes it and the "i shouldnt do that" thought hits her mind and she does either stop it, but what is more important.. it is not her fault anymore, if something happens. You know, she told you that she has a bf, so she did her job. If you still seduce her its clearly not her fault because you did it. After all, she told you she is taken!

Anyway, take the crazy 19 year old. You should be able to keep her under control. Condition her like you would a dog. She starts being crazy, you tell her either you dont like it and/or just ignore her. When she is not acting crazy you give her all the attention and dick she wants. She"ll realize that not being crazy pays off. Just dont let her see that the drama affects you in any way.

Dabamf said:

ya feels me?

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Yea, but I dont think I can do that to her. She just called me and I was busy, told her I call her back. I forgot that we have theater tickets for tomorrow. Now I need to find out what I want to tell her and how I want to act or else it is going to be an awkward disaster. I forgot about those stupid tickets. I dont want to see her tomorrow but I paid mine already.
I might get a friend to take mine and go instead.. but that would more than just hurt her. She is very sensible for stuff like that. Last time we fought I bailed on a meeting and called someone else that I cannot make it. Like three weeks later we were joking around with some friends and I make a small joke.. and she jumps into my face that I did call X back then and not her! Like I was cheating on her. (even though it was during the phase where I completely ignored her) She was holding on to that one for three weeks before she did throw it into my face. If I bail tomorrow she prolly dies inside or something.

My bro"s wife"s family is like that. Her sister and brother are both financial basketcases still dependent on their parents despite being in their mid to late 30"s. The parents are accountants of all things but not CAs or CPAs or whatever designation works for you, more book-keepers I guess. And even they aren"t very good with money, often buy in to "magic beans" schemes and lose their shirts etc. Needless to say my brother was concerned about it, although I"m not sure if he did anything about it other than tell his wife-to-be before they got married that under virtually no circumstances would he lend money to any of her family, nor would he give a job to her fuck-up brother unless he was willing to start on the bottom rung and work his way up.

Actual quote from brother in law when offered a job (who as I said is in his 30"s, lives in his parent"s house, has no vehicle or other possessions, nothing past high school education with bare minimum requisites and was unemployed at the time): "Wow, I"d only start at $16/hour? How about I come work for you guys in sales? I could drum up business and be on salary!" My bro did his best to not slap him. He"s just completely fucking clueless and has no idea how the world actually works. The conservation my sister in law had with her brother and then related to me regarding mortgages and buying a home was surreal.

So yeah, no real advice to offer, other than be fully aware that money all too often fucks up families and marriages. There"s a local family here torn apart because they"re fighting over the couple hundred million dollars from the sale of their family business and it just makes you scratch your head.

Well aychamo...you could just kill her parents, then her, and then grandma leaves you all her money when you kill her last.

In all seriousness, similar situation on my fiance"s side. He"s got a sister who is....my age. 29.5. She DOES have genuine serious medical problems but we (my fiance and I) are pretty much 100% convinced she"s used them to manipulate her whole family. I stuck up for her for the LONGEST time thinking maybe it was sibling rivalry or my fiance just being stubborn but in the last few months I"ve come to realize...I was just wrong.

She"s never had a job except for part time at pizza hut for a year ish when she was 19-20. Fiance"s mom bought her her own condo, her own car, pays for 100% of her living expenses that social security disability doesnt.... when she"s struggling to support herself (fiance"s father passed away a few years ago) and now that fiance"s mom"s boyfriend is back in town (that sister doesn"t like) she spends 24/7 at the moms place to cockblock the boyfriend. She spent all of the settlement from her father"s death on drugs and a trip to Europe - fiance gave a big part of his to his mom to support her which wound up going to support the sister. She JUST graduated with an associates this past summer and she wanted to go to Europe...my fiance and I were like...with what fucking money???? She"s currently lying to me about contacting my maid of honor (like I wouldn"t find out???)...causing all sorts of shit. There"s a shit load more going on but frankly that would be like a small book on its own.

We"ve had the conversation (fiance and I) - sister is on her own with whatever money the mom leaves her when she passes away. 100% uninterested in enabling that shit any further. If that means you blow thru your money and are homeless, or living in a state home, thats how life goes. You spent 100% of your life not having a job thats how the universe balances itself out.

And neither one of us is willing to have our mothers move in with us - we can"t really stand them for more than a week at a time. My sister can have my mom - payback for trying to be a kiss ass. And his mom...well lets just say no family is moving in with us, ever. And if we have to keep hearing about how much money we make and why that means we should pay for shit....seriously, not interested at all in family living with/being supported by us ever.

This just turned into 20 "here"s my story" posts with no comment on anything in-between. That"s not how this works fuckers

and...

Etoille said:

in the last few months I"ve come to realize...I was just wrong.

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wat

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I married a 19 year old and fucked 2 more.

If I did it, doesn"t that mean you should do the opposite?

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Tarrant220 said:

Dabamf as long as you can have your cake and fuck it too.

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The cake I want to fuck is other girls, and DG is the cake I want to have while I have sex with other cakes.

I think this extended metaphor has gone too far. Essentially I am torn between breaking up with her so I can date/sleep around, and not break up with her because of all the relationshipy things I enjoy. And the latter causes less pain and no feeling of rejection on her part. I kinda wanna suggest a "lets still see each other, but also be free to see others," which is what I was referring to when I said I wanna have my cake and have sex with it too. Normally such a proposition would be result in the same feelings for her as if I were to break up with her, but in this case I can approach the subject as a "what about this option, for what"s best for you?" rather than "you"re not good enough so I wanna bang other girls." I actually have both concerns, but it would be better to approach it with her well-being as the forethought.

@Ham: The backstory, in short, is I"m been living in Korea for 14 months, dating a 31 year old Korean girl for the past 8 or so (I"m 25). The dating prospects were zip back then, but now that I live inside of Seoul I have more options and I understand how to handle Korean women a lot better.

For you, if there is debate between them, that means probably none of them are long term fantastic matches for you. So choose the fun one. Who cares if she"s 19 and crazy.

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