Brad2770 said:
Serious question for those that have been in love more than once-
I have been seeing Julie now (on and off) for almost 4 months. We just started having sex a little over a week ago and it"s absolutely amazing. Like I have stated before, we share A LOT of similar interests, down to ridiculously retarded jokes that we both expect to make the other laugh and only leaves the other with a blank expression. In a perfect world, I would already have feelings of love for her, but I dont.
From time to time, she will ask if I miss her and my only responses are "I just saw you yesterday." or "We talk all the time.", but I dont really tell her flat out and I am unsure if I actually miss her. I am glad to see her and I enjoy her company, but if we go a few days without seeing each other, I am ok with it.
I guess all I am asking is this- If she was someone I was meant to fall in love with, would I already be feeling it? And since I am not, am I wasting her time and my own time?
I pretty much fell in love with my ex the moment I saw her. It"s the only thing I have to base my feeling of love for another woman off of. Since I have never felt that way again, I am wondering if it isnt possible to happen again like that or if Julie isnt the one....
My girlfriend and I have been rolling into Love territory lately. I personally have only gotten to say "I love you" during sex one time (it was something that I always wanted to do... and it was just as good as I thought it would be), so a part of me feels that I have a selfish side trying to get to that feeling again. Other parts of me are dealing with the feeling that she and I probably won"t be forever, even if some days I just melt in her arms and don"t want her to let go.
Her feelings of love for me are much stronger; she"s slipped a couple of times, and we"ve also discussed when is too soon, love vs lust, things like that. I"m way better than any guy or girl she"s been with as far as how I treat her and her attraction to me, so to her it just makes sense that she feels that towards me.
We"ve talked about how there"s so many different variations of love, and how the English word for Love leaves a lot to be desired. She"s very level-headed about love, unlike most women I"ve been involved with... and so it"s weird for me to be able to talk about how we think we feel love for each other, but that doesn"t mean that we"re soul mates, or going to be together forever, or even get married (not that we can, lolz America.)
Last week, when I got to see her for the first time in a week (work + illness + 90 mile round trip to see her), it felt overpowering to feel the warmth of her body against me again. And we talked about maybe being in love. But Monday, when I got to see her again (3 days together, day and a half apart, day together) I didn"t have those strong feelings. But I only got a few hours of sleep the whole weekend, so I was feeling pretty off...
Of course, during the 3 days I was with her, the flowers she gave me bloomed and I cried because they were so pretty and nobody"s given me flowers before. So maybe I was just hormonal as fuck last week.
Would you be sad if she disappeared from your life? Would you want to start over, trying to find someone with the same sense of humor? And interests? Does that sound like a huge chore?
If that wouldn"t bother you, then you"re wasting her time. If it would, then stick around. Sex has a way of bonding people (after all, it releases chemicals in your brain that strengthens your interest in the person.)
Also if you waited 4 months to have sex, something like love can probably take a long time for you to develop. I think my ex and I went 3 months before sex (we only got to see each other 1.5 days/week) and I spent MONTHS wondering if I was wasting my time with her because we weren"t even "official" for 4 months. About 6 months in, I had a horrible need to tell her I loved her, but she said her feelings weren"t getting deeper for me. We broke up 8.5 months after we started dating, and at about 9 months I finally told her that I loved her. We still tell each other that, and we"re completely best friends.
But, dealing with my love for her has been a mind fuck, and I keep referencing that love when pondering my current relationship. So if your heart is still mired to any degree by that first girl, it can complicate things.