Girls who broke your heart thread

See this is why I post here. You guys are so smart.

You want to sleep with her, too, right? Add roofies to the list

I always found flowers on a first date to come across as more, "oh hey, I"m trying way too hard!" But I am bitter and weird. A book sounds pretty good though, especially if you"ve been chatting with her long enough to correctly gauge her interests.

Awlbiste said:

I always found flowers on a first date to come across as more, "oh hey, I"m trying way too hard!" But I am bitter and weird. A book sounds pretty good though, especially if you"ve been chatting with her long enough to correctly gauge her interests.

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Agree. Flowers definitely have their purposes and they can make a nice romantic gesture but I don"t read that they"re appropriate in this situation.

It all depends on the girl. You"ve just got to gauge her and decide if she"s the romantic-comedy type who will think flowers are a romantic gesture, or the more pessimistic (realistic?) type who will see it has trying-too-hard/creepy.

There are even some girls who enjoy things like "The Package".

Will someone please fill me in on what the fuck "The Package" is.

Thank you sir, i was searching for a while but couldn"t find it. Also this thread has some fucking gold between pages 50-100

I like the book idea. I agree you need a general feel for the type of girl she is. Just don"t go overboard, that"s why I said a few flowers (max). A few daisies wrapped in a string is casual and a sweet gesture. Showing up with a bouquet of flowers should only be reserved for romantic holidays and/or getting yourself out of trouble.

I"d personally rather have a book than flowers, however, I"m kind of sentimental and if I were given a flower I"d probably stick it somewhere (in a book, heh) and save it. I kept a card from a club my boyfriend and I met at in Chicago and still have it. Well, technically he has it now. A couple years back I gave it to him with a picture of us from that night (the card is on the table in the picture). It"s funny that I was so nervous I drank too much and still don"t remember actually picking the card up.

You know her better than we do, so do whatever you think will work best. When are you asking her?

We are still just playfully chatting on PoF, with my other successes on that site i waited till we either talked on the phone or msn or something other then just silly messages back and forth.

I"m not the type of guy to rush things so ill give it a week or so and see if she ever initiates a convo or gives me her number and shows more interest then just chatting.

I will give updates

Broke up with my girlfriend today and I feel like something very important finally sunk in:

Just because I"m dating a girl doesn"t mean I have to turn it into a serious, committed relationship.

I know, DUH, but this has caused me problems in virtually every relationship I"ve ever been in, to the point where I"m starting to wonder if I"m even capable of caring about a person in that way.

I"ve traced it back to a deep seated phobia of being alone. I heard someone describe claustrophobia once as a fear that builds primarily off the thought that you will never leave this enclosed space; that"s what my fear is like sometimes, like I"ll never meet the right person. My fear builds and builds and builds and next thing you know I"m in a serious relationship with someone I barely know or truly care about. I"ve literally been in a relationship for 90% of the last 5 years, spread out between 5 different girls.

I"m making a pact to stay out of a relationship for an entire year and see if that helps.

Whyme said:

Broke up with my girlfriend today and I feel like something very important finally sunk in:

Just because I"m dating a girl doesn"t mean I have to turn it into a serious, committed relationship.

I know, DUH, but this has caused me problems in virtually every relationship I"ve ever been in, to the point where I"m starting to wonder if I"m even capable of caring about a person in that way.

I"ve traced it back to a deep seated phobia of being alone. I heard someone describe claustrophobia once as a fear that builds primarily off the thought that you will never leave this enclosed space; that"s what my fear is like sometimes, like I"ll never meet the right person. My fear builds and builds and builds and next thing you know I"m in a serious relationship with someone I barely know or truly care about. I"ve literally been in a relationship for 90% of the last 5 years, spread out between 5 different girls.

I"m making a pact to stay out of a relationship for an entire year and see if that helps.

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Did you make her a powerpoint?

Erronius said:

Honestly, pick an amount of time to give her to be out by. 1 month, 2 months, let her know whats up and explain the date. There is no way you should be supporting someone who has moved on from you to someone else. This isn"t to say that her situation isn"t a sad one, but I don"t see why you should be on the hook here. Let her move in with her new man. Just tell her it"s not fair to you, give her a deadline and stick to it. That way you aren"t kicking her out with no notice, she can find somewhere else to live or someone else to sponge off of, and if you ever get flak for "kicking her out" you can honestly defend yourself and tell people that you had let her live there for a while for free and gave her plenty of time to do whatever she needed to do. If she protests or attacks you as if you are doing her wrong, then you can say"OK, let me call the police and you can leave RIGHT NOW".

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Update posted from my phone so forgive the errors.

Told her she needs to find a place and the sooner the better. By the end of January. Told her I would let her move stuff after that but she physically needs to be gone by then. What"s making it really odd is that when we are around each other and not thinking about the relationship we have as much fun as we did before the relationship went south. I thought her casually seeing someone would be the hard part but that is nothing next to the fact everything is fantastic when we are together except that we aren"t. So I need her out asap so I can move on.

The final kicker Is that she just found out she can"t go back to school (we had signed up for free bachelors degrees from our employer. Same employer divisions) so she is debating a serious move back home now. No family in the area and very few friends that would want her as a roommate.

Ring is getting returned for full value. Anyways thanks for The advice

larseny316 said:

Ring is getting returned for full value.

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ToeMissile said:

I"m pretty sure you should start with The Package.

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Through no fault of my own over the holidays, I was left with a Package. While over at a friend"s place for dinner, I remarked that it was pretty funny how half his house had been overtaken by his girlfriend"s mail order bath products and make-up stuff. His whole living room was a huge display area for all of it. This friend being a jackass who likes fucking with me, remarks with his girlfriend in ear shot that I should have her put together a gift basket for the girl I mentioned I"d just started dating (at that point we"d hung out twice and it was the day after I had found out my bud had also been out with her).

Right away his girlfriend starts bouncing around all happy that she can get involved, since she"s always stuck her nose in to my love life since we first met (but in a good way, she"s been a great wingman on a couple occasions), and cause she can sell some of her junk. I"m like "well shit man, we"ve been on two dates and things are a little strange, I dunno, just something small okay? Like $30-40 or something."

Next day I meet him for lunch so he can give me the basket, and I had some paperwork for him. I see him reach in to his truck and pull out a massive basket all wrapped up pretty with a giant bow on it. He immediately turns around, laughs, and says "here"s your stage 5 clinger basket dude. Oh, and it was $75. Otherwise you just look cheap." Fucker.

Long story short, after the hockey game last week (she made dinner at my place beforehand) I made a sarcastic comment that I was disappointed she hadn"t gotten me anything for Christmas. She was caught off guard a bit and said that she"d thought we weren"t doing presents. I laughed and said I had thought so too, and then explained how I ended up with one anyway, including the "stage 5 clinger basket" comment. She thought it was pretty funny as well, and also appeared to be really pleased with it. The next evening she texted me that she"d just taken a bath with some of the stuff and she loved it.

The Package successfully executed? Only time will tell.

It"ll be interesting to see how the next month goes since she"s working evenings at the hospital, I"m gone on ski trips 3 of the next 4 weekends, and she"s gone to Costa Rica for 3 weeks at the end of the month. Probably good to slow things down a bit. I really like this girl, and so far as I can tell the feeling is mutual. I even went out of my way to not dirtbag it up over the weekend in Whitefish, despite several opportunities to. Oh lawdy.

I dunno man, the fact that you were able to sell it as "the package" on its face makes it sortof a meta-package. I doubt it would have worked without that very specific set of circumstances.

Eomer said:

Through no fault of my own over the holidays, I was left with a Package. .

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Maybe it works differently for you Canadians, but where I come from, "no I don"t want your shit" is a viable counter to Package pressure.

You seem to really like this chick, and she seems to like you. It"s almost like you"re trying to sabotage yourself from getting into any relationship.

It may work out fine, but god damn that is SO risky with very little potential gain.

Eomer said:

Through no fault of my own over the holidays, I was left with a Package.

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Seems like your in a pretty good situation to feel things out now. Since you gave her "the package" its pretty safe to say that she knows how interested you are, as long as shes not a complete idiot.

With the travel plans each of you have i think now is the perfect time to see how interested she is. So she knows how interested you are, and you wont have as much time to hang out with both of you being busy. I would scale back talking to her as well, not a ton, but enough so she will realize that you aren"t talking as much.

If she fills in the gaps by contacting you more, or acts concerned then I would say shes just as into it as you are.

Think of it like your relationship is based on a percentage. If you are 50/50 atm and you scale back to 40% effort and she doesn"t give the extra 10% to even things out then she might not be as interested as you think. If she does kick it up, your golden.

Just my two cents.