Girls who broke your heart thread

There is a lot of crazy out there that thinks once you sleep with them you are a couple.

Yea, don"t get that... not a GF/BF until declared to be so.

I don"t think it qualifies as run for the hills crazy unless there are other signs, but she is waving the caution flag.

Gay guys have to have the talk because it"s standard practice for them to fuck whenever they feel like it until told otherwise.

wrong kirun.

The Ancient said:

I don"t think it qualifies as run for the hills crazy unless there are other signs, but she is waving the caution flag.

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Pretty much this. Some people just don"t see what/if there"s a big deal about the label. If it really weirds you out you might as well be honest about it.

Make sure you sandwhich phrase it in a positive though. Really important. "I like you and really enjoy being around you. Could you hold off on calling me your boyfriend for a little while longer? You have really pretty eyes and I don"t want to screw this up." and then invite her to go get frozen custard.

Or something like that.

a)

The Ancient said:

I"d go with talk to her and explain to her why her calling you boyfriend made you uncomfortable rather than break it off.

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b)

Kenadul said:

I would just take things easy and go with the flow not bringing it up. If you end up liking her enough to date, great, you"re already doing it, if not just ease off. You never made any promises or commitments to her.

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I"ll go with option a. After my marriage fell apart last year I am just not going into "don"t talk about it and hope it sorts itself out"-mode again.

And I also agree that it"s not run-for-the-hills-crazy. Could be chalked up to cultural differences or even inexperience. And when I think back to when I met my ex-wife, we never had The Talk, and it didn"t take long until we were a couple. Of course, we were 19 at the time.

It does mean though that I need to talk to her. And explain that I"m not going to rush into anything, and need more time. And that may mean she"s not interested in continuing this. But be that as it may.

(Ironically - I"ve picked up interest from another couple of really cute girls over the past few weeks. And suddenly I find myself in a situation where I can"t flirt back until I"ve cleared the air with "my gf").

I"ll never understand the "The Talk" and "exclusive" stuff. Must be cultural difference because I"ve always considered a woman I"ve banged my girlfriend unless stated otherwise.

Maybe that was the mistake all along though...

Ronaan said:

I"ll never understand the "The Talk" and "exclusive" stuff. Must be cultural difference because I"ve always considered a woman I"ve banged my girlfriend unless stated otherwise.

Maybe that was the mistake all along though...

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I don"t consider them my "GF" but in my experience, if a woman isn"t the type who is specifically looking for casual sex or hookups, once you start sleeping with them there"s an "Implied Exclusivity", in their minds at the very least...

So to me, having someone call you their boyfriend after that certainly isn"t...ideal...but I wouldn"t toss it into the auto-crazy category either, just a mismatch of expectations.

I sorta dealt with the opposite with the current girl. She was really hung up on the technicality of "dating" because she didn"t want any appearance of impropriety with her new job (where I work). I just shrugged it off and we kept hanging out. About a week ago in the car we were talking about something... I forget exactly what, but it was the sort of topic people only bring up in relationships. She paused and went "huh, I guess we really are a couple aren"t we?". That was the end of it.

Things appear to be going great, btw. I sorta stopped posting about it because this is supposed to be the thread where things have gone catastrophically wrong, and so far nothing has. She"s got her flaws and blemishes same as me, and had a rough patch in her teenage years that she"s still dealing with (eating disorder), but nothing insurmountable and she"s very grounded about all of it now. She"s met parts of my family, I"ve met parts of hers, and things are just trucking right along.

I"m sure something awful will happen soon enough, because it always does, but it"s nice being happy and feeling like the person I"m dating actually cares about the relationship instead of just having a man around to do stuff for her.

Because I"m chronically incapable of judging female intentions, I"d appreciate some feedback:

Backstory is that a pretty attractive and seemingly quite friendly girl moved in next door to me last year (literally our doors are 2 feet apart). We were introduced by a mutual friend at an event last year (we have a ton of mutual friends as it turns out), chatted for a few minutes and otherwise have only bumped in to each other in the elevator for a quick 30 second chat a few times. When we first met she seemed really nice, said we should have a glass of wine sometime etc. I took that as just a neighborly thing to say, not as a come-on. Every time we bump in to each other in the elevator, she always says "see you soon" rather emphatically when we part.

So Sunday night I head up on to my patio to BBQ up a steak for dinner. I"d had a couple late nights Fri/Sat so I was taking it easy on Canada Day. Across from my patio is another rooftop patio that the rest of the building has access to, and out comes my neighbor and a couple friends. Turns out one of them is a dude I went to highschool with and was decent friends with that I haven"t seen in awhile. So I chat with the neighbor (Cindy) and the old friend across the roof for a few minutes while my steak cooks. Mostly I was chatting with the guy, finding out what he"s up to etc. My steak finishes cooking, bud tells me I should come over for a drink, and I say sure I"ll be over in a bit.

So I head over there and hang out chatting with her, my bud, her younger sister, another girl, and another guy. Other guy was sitting beside her, seeming fairly cuddly, but after a couple minutes of conversation I was pretty sure he"s a flamer, so not a threat. Not that there"s anything wrong with that. Mostly I talked with my old bud, caught up on who was doing what etc, he"s in commercial real estate so we should meet up to discuss opportunities, and in general it"s always awkward being the odd man out with a group of 5-6 friends to join the conversation otherwise.

After a couple minutes we decided to take a quick tour of my place. As usual my projector set up drew a lot of attention, and Cindy said at least a couple times "oh I"m totally coming over to watch a movie" or something to that effect. They also commented on my ski collection, as I"ve got about half a dozen pairs lined up along a wall. Later when we all went back to her place, it came up that her parents have a place in Canmore (resort town in the mountains), and she said I should "totally" go with her next winter because a lot of times she has a hard time finding people to come with.

I ended up getting out of there after an hour or two, once a joint had been passed around, as I was about to pass out and it was getting late.

So, based on the several comments/offers about going skiing, or watching a movie, or having a glass of wine or whatever else is that a girl flirting, or is she just being friendly? I generally have little or no ability to discern the difference between the two. Assuming it"s the latter, is inviting her over to watch a flick a decent next move?

It is impossible for us to tell because she could just have that style of personality. Some girls love making plans knowing they"ll never keep. She may do it with everyone or she may do it with just you. You"d need to see how she interacts with other males with dating potential.

Or just ask her out.

Probably a bit of both, just ask if she wants to grab a drink sometime and see how she acts during that.

Tenks said:

Or just ask her out.

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Just do this. If she"s really trying to project interest, she"ll say yes. If it"s just that sort of personality, she might say no or might say yes out of curiosity. Either way, you"re no longer overthinking it.

I"ve never met a girl, especially those with a flirty personality, who gets offended or even weirded out by you asking them out for a date. It is generally the best way to fully figure out if they are interested in you or not. Not to mention if you pussyfoot around for the longest time while she"s giving out signals (which it sounds like she is, imo) she"ll think you"re not interested and completely lose interest in you.

Yup. Either way, it"s the best possible impression you can make. It"s honest and straightforward about your intentions, and it shows you"re not afraid to make a move.

(Note: I am extremely bad about taking my own advice, and almost never do this. However, it did pay off.)

Yeah, dont ask her out on a date that is just retarded, and the worst advice ever.

Ask her to go hang out one night, and if she doesn"t drink take her to a coffee shop. Hell don"t even ask her, just say We should go hang out for a few drinks on so and so day. Those Sales techniques work in the dating world.

After a few of these meetings if you feel you are in the Friend Zone, then ask her. Most girls will be honest about it, they will say shit like " If I would pursue anything other than a friendship I would have to say at this point that I"m not really sure". Thats your key to move on

Its all in the wording. Girls love guys that seem like they that are not over eager.

And man tunnel visioning on one girl is the number one mistake dudes make. There"s allot of girls out there, need to always be dating allot just to practice, and it makes you seem less desperate.

Its called Game brother, and every dude needs to work on that until you find what you are looking for.

Honestly, even when you do find someone you should still be at least talking to other girls...

If you play the game, I can guarantee you will have more pussy then you know what to do with, and the girl you always wanted will just come out of nowhere.

Eomer said:

Backstory is that a pretty attractive and seemingly quite friendly girl moved in next door to me last year (literally our doors are 2 feet apart). We were introduced by a mutual friend at an event last year (we have a ton of mutual friends as it turns out), chatted for a few minutes and otherwise have only bumped in to each other in the elevator for a quick 30 second chat a few times. When we first met she seemed really nice, said we should have a glass of wine sometime etc. I took that as just a neighborly thing to say, not as a come-on. Every time we bump in to each other in the elevator, she always says "see you soon" rather emphatically when we part.

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Get ready guys, I found out who Eomer is and am going to post his personal info.