Have you cheated?

I haven't cheated, though the thought crossed my mind in dating relationships that got bad.

I was the cheatee in a funny situation in college though. Dated a girl the second half of freshman year. Things were coming along well, and over summer break we decide to keep it going long distance, knowing we probably wouldn't see each other. This sucks, because a good looking female friend literally threw herself at me over the summer and I physically had to push her off of me. We get back to school and see each other a time or two, then she just disappears. Calls not returned, etc. She lived in the same dorm as a friend, and I run into her in the hall while visiting him. Things are extremely awkward, so I'm 100% sure cheated and then disappeared to avoid having to break up like an adult.

Fast forward a couple of years. The Greek system at my school has a program where reps from each frat have to visit other frat's events to make sure rules are observed (totally pointless, anyone who wanted to break rules could easily cover tracks). A friend of mine from class was in a different frat and I was assigned to his event. I only hang out with this friend in class. He's stoked that I get to visit his event. I get there with the other rep and find my friend. He says hi, then turns around and taps his girl on the shoulder to meet us and....... it's my asshole cheating ex. He introduces us and totally does not pick up on the most awkward "nice to ...meet you" exchange ever. Wrapped things up quickly, got the fuck out and drank heavily. FWIW, apparently they had been dating since the cheating incident. 99.9% sure he had no idea it was a cheating incident. Good times.

McCheese_sl said:

I've never cheated and the very idea of it disgusts me. I'm an extremely trusting and trustworthy person, and I expect (rather foolishly in my experience) to have that reciprocated. I've never understood relationships which stay together after cheating. For me that is an instant relationship death sentence.

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This.

My wife ended our 12 year relationship by cheating. All trust is instantly cancelled. It's irrevocable.

Anemone_sl said:

To those that have cheated: do you ever wonder if you're a bad person?

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That's an overly simplistic question for an issue that's extremely nuanced and complicated. I think just about everyone on Earth has at some point done something bad, but that doesn't mean everyone is a 'bad person'. Obviously most people here think its a cut and dry, black and white situation with an easy answer. But in my experience, whenever I strayed there were other things going on in the relationship, and sometimes it simply wasn't possible to walk out the door at the time. Granted, I could have done a better job at keeping myself out of bad situations, but I was young, dumb and had opportunities.

I know I'm a bad person but it has nothing at all to do with cheating. I sincerely regret almost cuckolding my friend -- but that's not breaking any camels backs or keeping me awake at night.

Never cheated in 20ish years i've been with my wife and don't ever plan to either, I just don't believe in breaking that trust.

Was a cheatie once though, with a colleague's GF, when i was young and single. No guilt at all though

Willingness to cheat is based on whether or not you've had relationships that you know won't work out long term for whatever reason, and whether you're in an environment in which people are coming on to you and there is little/no risk of getting caught. Those two cases make it REALLY hard to resist when someone is offering themselves to you.

However, being in a committed relationship for the long haul (ie marriage or leading to marriage) would be enough to make me not cheat. Being in an environment that's extremely unlikely to get you caught (e.g. business trip in a foreign country) would still make it tempting, but in those cases the correct answer is just not to put yourself in circumstances where you'd be tempted.

Anyone that says "if you cheat you're a bad person" is dumb and doesn't understand how human beings work. Plus they're likely people who don't have any opportunity to cheat.

Made out with a girl one time when I was dating another girl. However I was on the verge of breaking up with the girlfriend, and had met the girl at a bar as she was the cousin of the friend I was there with. She wasn't in to dancing it up etc, and sure enough we got to talking about my current relationship and how it was nearing the end. I honestly wasn't trying to pick her up, and didn't notice any signs from her until we were walking out the door and she pushed me up against a wall and kissed me. I pushed her off and said no, not cool. A group of us went back to a friend's place, she persisted, and eventually I gave in to some pretty heavy petting. Didn't have a rubber so I didn't seal the deal, otherwise I would have.

Woke up the next day feeling guilty as shit. Went to girlfriend's house, told her about what happened, and ended things. She was pretty upset of course, but we're still good friends to this day. She never held it against me, which was super cool of her. Ended up dating the other girl a few months down the road when our paths crossed again. Turned out she was a psycho, but fun for awhile.

Personally I look down on people who cheat. I don't think it's cool, regardless of whether or not the other person finds out.

I was cheated on twice by the same woman. I tried to forgive her and give her a second chance after the first guy. She ended up cheating again with a different guy, so I fucked her high school friend's little sister 2 days later (which was posted on FoH; FoH markered across chest and all). I guess, technically, I cheated as well, but I still checked 'No' in the poll. Since then, I have not cheated and when I suspected a woman I was seeing might have a boyfriend or husband, I backed off. I couldn't possibly put another guy through what I had been through (whether he loved his current spouse or not).

There are three people that I work with at the office that are cheating on their spouses and I do not understand. All three have great families (from what I can tell) and children, yet they are willing to risk it all for forbidden sex. Sex is just sex. It's all the same in the end and it's not worth ruining or dramatically changing multiple lives for an orgasm.

Worst I've done in that regard is make out with one chick while dating another, was my first relationship at 17 :| I broke up with her the next day and the relationship was already pretty dead, so I didn't feel too bad about it. Besides, new chick was crazy good in bed compared to starfish christian guilt trip girl.

That said, I've always felt that actively cheating on someone in a serious relationship is pretty repugnant. I'd feel horrible if I did it and even worse if it was done to me, I don't think I'd ever be able to trust that individual again. Which of course raises the question of whether the cheater's partner would be happier not knowing.

Don't think threesomes count bro, I mean technically you're both banging the same person at the same time, so doesn't it more or less equal out?

Yeah but it involves mutual consent, that's like saying people in open relationships are cheating. Unless one person pressured the other into the threesome, I just don't see how it qualifies.

I wouldn't cheat on my wife for all the money in the world, superman's powers, etc.