Have you cheated?

Ive been the object of cheating twice, but have never cheated on a girl in a relationship.

The two times that girls cheated on their men with me, I had no idea they were dating. Lied to me about being in a relationship. They both ditched their men to be with me. I dated the first one for a month or so because she was hot, then I realized if she did this to him then its likely to happen to me so I got out.

Second time it happened again with a different girl. After we started hanging out a lot and doing the dirty deeds, she informed me she had a boyfriend the whole time but let him go a few days prior, and I felt disgusted and came to the same conclusion I did with the first one. I dont trust sneaky snakes like that. Hooking up is one thing, but dating a girl like this is another.

I find the results of this poll to be somewhat interesting as it's estimated that there will be some sort of infidelity in 30-60% of married relationships. So to say that 67% have never cheated which is a much more stringent criteria is interesting. I wonder if there is some sort of selection bias among board members or people are just lying. I'm a fan of the latter.

Anyhow, I've been on all sides of infidelity. From the ages of 16-22 I cheated constantly as there was no threat of being caught and to this day it's never happened. After, 22 I only had a few multi-year monogamous relationships during which time I never felt the urge or had the time to cheat. Beyond that I've stayed away from monogamous relationships as I don't think that they are very realistic over the long run. Everyone can talk about how they have never cheated and will never cheat, but the statistics say that there is a very good chance that either you or your partner will at some point cheat. Beyond that biologically we aren't meant to be monogamous so I don't see the point of fighting something that deeply ingrained in our nature.

I will say that I tend to let everyone I date know that I have no interest in a monogamous relationship.

I haven't, but three of my ex-girlfriends did.

First one I've seen on live TV.
Second one had this guilty face/speech after a night out with her female friends.
Third one tried to hide it by showering every time she got home from "work".

So, I'm not to keen on doing it. When you're on this side of the fence and your spouse/partner/girlfriend cheats on you, you kind of don't want to do that to another guy out there. Nor would I be willing to help a woman cheat on her boyfriend/spouse if I knew s/he's in a relationship.
And someone will go thinking "hey, if 3 women cheated on you, you probably deserved it", well, communication is the key. If you ask someone if there's something wrong and get the answer that nothing is wrong and nothing is bothering them, then I will rightfully assume NOTHING is wrong.

Slyminxy_sl said:

I haven't, but three of my ex-girlfriends did.

First one I've seen on live TV.
Second one had this guilty face/speech after a night out with her female friends.
Third one tried to hide it by showering every time she got home from "work".

So, I'm not to keen on doing it. When you're on this side of the fence and your spouse/partner/girlfriend cheats on you, you kind of don't want to do that to another guy out there. Nor would I be willing to help a woman cheat on her boyfriend/spouse if I knew s/he's in a relationship.
And someone will go thinking "hey, if 3 women cheated on you, you probably deserved it", well, communication is the key.If you ask someone if there's something wrong and get the answer that nothing is wrong and nothing is bothering them, then I will rightfully assume NOTHING is wrong.

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I think I see the issue here.

Grand Inquisitor Kegkilla_sl said:

wat

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Springer.

10 years together and no cheating, I had to turn it down twice which was really freaking hard if I am honest but glad I did.

Never put your self in a position to cheat and you will be fine, better to be hot and bothered then satisfied and worried.

Hatorade_sl said:

10 years together and no cheating, I had to turn it down twice which was really freaking hard if I am honest but glad I did.

Never put your self in a position to cheat and you will be fine, better to be hot and bothered then satisfied and worried.

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Or get hot and bothered and then go home and fuck the shit out of your partner.

Some wisdom I once received from a fat gay dude: 'It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you take it home to the right person.'

If you are single and tagged a married woman or two, is that considered cheating? or is being a home-wrecker different?

Merkins4Brazil_sl said:

If you are single and tagged a married woman or two, is that considered cheating? or is being a home-wrecker different?

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Still a very shitty thing to do if you do it knowingly. Most will say "but if I don't do it, someone else will!" Well you're probably right, there is no end to the depravity of the human soul. But you have no control over anyone but yourself and knowing you helped wreck a marriage and the family involved is a shitty situation to be in.

I have fucked married women/ones in relationships... does that count?

My first finacee left me for my best friend on the morning of what was supposed to be our wedding, and later when I *was* married, after 7 years of marriage, my now-ex-husband fooled around with a 20 year old. I know how bad cheating hurts, and I have never done it, nor will I *ever* do it!

Oblio_sl said:

I think by that logic we both cheated, not that our cheating was erased. Also, I doNOTconsider girl on girl action cheating.


EDIT: in red

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See, I don't think this is cheating though. Cheating involves breaking the rules--IE the rules of a monogamous relationship. If you both decide to change the rules of your relationship, then no one has cheated, right? It's like adding the 2 point conversion to the NFL. It's not cheating if the team takes advantage of a different way to score, if the rules were changed to allow it.

prescient63_sl said:

Beyond that biologically we aren't meant to be monogamous so I don't see the point of fighting something that deeply ingrained in our nature.

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That's not true.

Humans are capable of both monogamy and having many sexual partners. There are massive individual differences in sexual behaviors. We are influenced hugely by our early childhood years (0-5) on which type of sexual "strategy" we adopt. There is a relatively new theory backed by considerable evidence that many of our behaviors (sexual, stress response) are formed in the early years based on cues from our environment that have historically been predictors of our likely environment as adults. An unstable or dangerous environment would favor quick reproduction, whereas stable and safe environments would favor those who invested in the future. A closely related concept isLife History Theorythat explains how organisms have adapted various reproductive strategies.

Interesting fact - girls whose fathers are not present up until age 5 not only have sex earlier in life, but they actually hit puberty earlier as well.

Unsolicited but evo psych is one of the most interesting fields to me. If you are curious and have access to a uni's library system, look for these:
Boyce & Ellis (2005) "Biological Sensitivity to Context" - One of the most fascinating journal articles I've ever read.
Guidice, Ellis, Shirtcliff (2011) "Adaptive Calibration Model" - THE most fascinating article I've ever read.

I've never cheated in any of my relationships but I agree with lord commander chaos in that a big part of that was consciously avoiding situations that may have lead to cheating. You can say you will never cheat on your girlfriend/wife, but your feelings towards them might change a couple years down the line due to unforeseen circumstances or you simply might become a victim of temptation so you can't deal with absolutes. Remember don't fight temptation, run from it!

I hold no qualms about having sex with women who are in relationships though. It's their choice and their relationship, not mine. Now I don't go out actively seducing women in relationships but if shit goes down between us and then later I find out she is in a relationship, well tough titties to the guy cause I'm going to continue having sex with her because she's obviously a cheating whore and if not with me, then she'll do it with someone else.