Jupiter Ascending (2015)

No woman that hot has ever pushed a mop and shit bucket before. Why even give her a job like that? Why not make it something boring and believable like office work or something?

"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a Chipotle manager who possesses"

"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a Upper class whore who possesses"

"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, a Lenscrafters model who possesses"

"Mila Kunis as Jupiter Jones, an author of Erotic e-books who possesses"


Why the hell would you want a woman, who is that hot but can only get a job mopping and plunging toilets, to rule the universe?

Since it reeks of drab teen-lit, I suspect she is a janitor because she has not yet realized her inner greatness. She will first deny it and then embrace it to save the day and become a marvelous little autocrat. How inspiring!

Maybe she's supposed to be mildly retarded, just not full blown round-face Down's.

She was a former crank whore who is finally turning her life around for her kids

Jupiter Ass Ending.

This movie isn't going to suck; It already does. Many have stated how mind blending-ly retarded the trailer is, the only detail they left out was Tatum's elf ears. The moment I saw, "from the creator's of the matrix" I was instantly turned off. The first matrix movie was great, but that was mostly because of the source material, the choreography, the introduction of bullet time and the cinematography. The Watchowski's have shown there is a direct correlation between the level of input they have on a project and the amount that project sucks a giant swinging king kong dong. Like a huge genital pendulum of poor creative choices and shitty dialogue.

It's a shame they keep getting green lighted for this shit.

p.s.

Actually... this movie could have been fucking amazing. If they had done it as a satire of the whole 'chosen one', dramatic, cliched, snooze fest these movies turn out to be. Have the characters just act as bewildered as your typical audience member at the bizzare shit that is constantly going down. Throw in some snarky comments. Play up the fact that everyone knows Sean Bean is going to die, except for Sean Bean of course. Design some aliens that look like they have their ugly bits on their foreheads. And have Milla's character just act annoyed and put out that she even has to be here, saving the universe, dealing with a dumb as rocks "hero" and being forced to dress up like a tree.

So yeah Juptier Ascending should have been a space comedy channeling the spirit of Douglas Adams and not this overly processed tragedy.

Add in everyone asking Tatum why the fuck is he even there and I'd watch. Sounds 100x better than what we're getting.

this new trailer seems to show off every single special effect/cgi in the movie, guess i don't really need to see it after the trailer. really poor casting too, no surprise I guess after cloud atlas

What issues do you have with the casting? Sean Bean as the wise old mentor? Eddie Redmayne as an evil princeling? Mila Kunis as the sex? Channing Tatum as the muscley action guy/gay sex?

it just reminds me a lot of cloud atlas, where the trailer looked really cool but then the movie was a whole lot of "uh...wtf..." and a lot of the casting (and the makeup/reuse) was not good. don't get me wrong, i really love the wachowski's and I am a big fan of them taking big risks, but their track record is not good in the last few years and this movie just seems to throw in a whole lot of scifi space opera tropes into a giant blender.

casting wise, again love mila kunis but as a space princess... meh. someone who is more ethereal and supermodel-y (tall, thin, alien-ish) would seem a better fit. sean bean is pretty cliche as the wise old man who dies. channing tat-yum's ears just are too distracting, I'm sick of the movie/tv version of aliens being humans with forehead ridges or pointy ears.

?Jupiter Ascending? Delayed Until February, 2015

Citing the need to finish extensive special effects, Warner Bros. has delayed the Andy and Lana Wachowski movie ?Jupiter Ascending? from July 18 to Feb. 6, 2015.

Domestic distribution chief Dan Fellman said that the Wachowskis needed more time to complete their work on more than 2,000 special effects shots in the film.

?With the July release date, they were just not going to make it on time,? he added. ?A lot of the issue for us was getting it ready for the international release, since the foreign territories need additional time.?

?Jupiter Ascending? will open against Lionsgate?s ?Mortdecai,? starring Johnny Depp, and Universal?s ?Seventh Son,? starring Jeff Bridges. ?Seventh Son,? produced and financed by Legendary Entertainment, had been delayed multiple times by Warner Bros. before its co-financing deal with Legendary lapsed last year.

I guess competing with Johnny Depp is better than being scrunched between apes, The Rock and Scarlett Johansson

spronk_sl said:

it just reminds me a lot of cloud atlas, where the trailer looked really cool but then the movie was a whole lot of "uh...wtf..." and a lot of the casting (and the makeup/reuse) was not good. don't get me wrong, i really love the wachowski's and I am a big fan of them taking big risks, but their track record is not good in the last few years and this movie just seems to throw in a whole lot of scifi space opera tropes into a giant blender.

casting wise, again love mila kunis but as a space princess... meh. someone who is more ethereal and supermodel-y (tall, thin, alien-ish) would seem a better fit. sean bean is pretty cliche as the wise old man who dies. channing tat-yum's ears just are too distracting, I'm sick of the movie/tv version of aliens being humans with forehead ridges or pointy ears.

Click to expand...

Sean Bean is now and forever a redshirt