Kids? or No kids?

My wife and I are trying at the moment. We are just about to turn 30 and feel we are financially and socially stable enough to take on the commitment. I spend a lot of time thinking about how we are going to raise our future kids. I am an atheist and my wife is agnostic(really an atheist that feels good believing that their is something out there). We were both raised in religious households and are from religious families so raising our children without a religious component is going to be uncharted territory for both of us.

I'm really looking forward to raising free-thinking kids and and taking a much bigger role in teaching morals to my children then our parents did with us but am a little nervous just because it is uncharted territory.

Yeah some of my wife's family gave her some shit for not baptizing our girls. My thinking right now is that I will just not bring up religion until they do, or at least until they are old enough to understand, and I'll do my best not to influence them one way or another. One thing we're not prepared for is other people and how they will interact with them. Like, once they get into grade school and their friends go to church and shit like that.

I have found that parenting is much like anything else. You may not always make the right decision, but it isn't the end of the world. Usually it is better that you commit to your choices (at least until evaluation reveals them to be incorrect) rather than waffle or not make a decision at all.

My son is almost 5 and he's asked me on multiple occasions what happens when you die. Including how do you die. Wasnt ready for that one at this age. One was "when you die is it forever?" To which I said yes. The most recent was "If you die can you get back up?" To which I said no, and he responded with "If I die I'm just going to get up. I'm never going to die"

I have no idea what precipitated this discussion. I thought maybe one of the kids in his class had a pet or relative die or something but I still dont know what brought it up. No God yet but I figure that is coming soon.

When I was very young I had a fear of dying too. Was probably around that age - was out of the blue. I think it had something to do with a friends grandparent dying, and how she missed them. And all I could think is, there's a void there, when I die am I just a void too? Would my consciousness cease to be? (Not in those words though, lawl.)

This discussion is another reason I don't want kids. One side of my family is hardcore Catholic, the other side is born again Lutheran. When my sister got married, she had to take classes to go back to catholicism since she hadn't been practicing. When I asked her why, she told me she didn't want her kids to ask why both parents weren't part of the same denomination. That got me; I was going to say, what kind of a fucking kid would ever ask that? But then I remembered that our family is pretty condescending to non catholics, though they've never been mean to any non catholic family members, so I could see it coming up.

I wouldn't know how to breach that subject. I always considered the bible just a book of myths, but I'd feel irresponsible just showing my kids only that side. Is there or isn't there isn't something I can prove, so I'm hoping if I ever had a kid I raise a stone cold skeptic. On his own of course.

The existence of god may be unknowable, but the bible is absoluely just a book of myths and I don't necessarily think it is irresponsible to tell them so. The bottom line is that kids learn from everything, even absence. Not teaching them religion is still teaching them something.

Rewinding to an earlier discussion (and perhaps having missed someone sharing the same sentiment), plenty of people look on having children as frightening for one selfish reason: they're afraid they'll make for an awful parent.

Everyone is afraid of that.

Neither my wife or I wanted children, so I got "fixed" about 5 years into our marriage, and it worked for us. We're splitting up after 24 years, but children are not the problem. My suggestion to you is to "get your feet wet" to really see if you don't like children. You should look into becoming a big brother and your wife a big sister. You will not only be helping a child in need, but might help you understand whether or not you really do or do not want kids

its awesome having a girlfriend with a kid but i miss being single sometimes

Haradek Shadowstalker_sl said:

, and it worked for us. We're splitting up after 24 years

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Haha not to break your balls but I found this funny.

could have been a sperm donor -- thought about it but came to the conclusion that having children is selfish too. moreover, i couldn't live if something horrible happened to it.

most ppl go into it hoping for the best (that it will be normal and, to a lesser extent, something like them) ...what happens if it is born disabled/disfigured/mentallychallenged. to what extent of those retardations is acceptable? none/all? born with cancer and is destined to die in a few years? i'd agrue that if you are going to have it:

1) don't selectively abort it until you get something you want / able to deal with. (unless it's born with some condition that puts it constantly in pain (something along those lines))
2) you'd damn well be ready to deal with these things and not project resentment to that child.