earthfell said:
If you aren"t missing any teeth, and have a light southern drawl, then I have seriously underestimated your mental/emotional disorders.
I walk/jog everywhere I go, have suffered intense loneliness as a result mostly of insecurity, and the rest of this post will likely explain the rest. So far as mental/emotional disorders go, in the framework of my day to day life I have undergone enough treatment to hold it together better than I ever could before, but I am left with more sympathy and understanding for (as we"d say here) throwed off people than a healthy person should have. Note that simply going on a date makes it look like you are trying too hard when you walk/jog everywhere.
Sheaf said:
The question you really haven"t answered is the big one: why? Are/were you attracted to her? Physically, emotionally, etc.?
Sympathy led to friendship, which with her best traits showing and worst hidden, led to endearment. Endearment turned into entrapment through blackmail which in turn led to a cycle of attachment, indifference, and utter contempt. Repeat the cycle for eleven months. Keep in mind, that before she was pregnant I wasn"t just looking to leave Shelly. I was looking to leave a woman who at her core is far better than she allows herself to be, and I was looking at turning her loose to a world that would likely never cough up a better partner for her than those who came before me. After she was pregnant, it was a struggle between turning my back on a pregnant woman and not allowing a child to be born into such a fucked up home.
Laven said:
Still dont see a good reason why youre claiming disability. All I"ve seen is "I"m on disability because I can"t handle being chewed out and screamed at by random strangers." Thats called manning the fuck up not running for free money.
I"ll be real a second about this. Were I not pushed into it by Shelly, I likely would never have applied for disability. And my cycle of student --> hard working employee --> unemployed loser would have continued until I finished my degrees at sixty and immediately died of a stroke.
I will not post all of the reasons for my being on disability here because to do so would mean explaining 29 years of shit that there"s no room for here. It would mean discussing a shitload of facts about disorders and explaining shit that in the end would make zero difference.
But I do have this to offer: I"ve been studying to prepare to finish my degrees, I will work my way into the workforce at least part, and I"m slowly buying tools to try to establish my own business. Every day I do something to work towards stability without SSA while also planning ways to fix the damage this will have done to my possibilities of retirement. When the day comes that I don"t need it, and if I keep pushing I should find my sustainable niche, then I will no longer have it.
My diagnoses are asperger"s syndrom, bipolar one, and schizoaffective disorder secondary to asperger"s syndrome.