Losing Interest

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

I am 33 and am pretty successful professionally and have 2 kids.

i mostly work and hang out with the family, and very little else other than shit around in here occasionally.

my health is decent not great, but not bad either. I’m trying to lose some weight by dieting and working out and it’s going just okay.

i don’t feel like I have time to play mmos anymore, it feels like I am taking too much away from my family, and I have become fully bored of old console games or simple games like Diablo.

Im just getting out of a heavy 2 year reading kick.

I enjoy work well enough, im pretty much just bored at home. Sex with wife is great, love my wife and kids, but coming home from work on weekdays and weekends gets boring and repetitive.

i have a great long term outlook actually and an engaged In pretty interesting stuff, but the short term day to day and minutia is getting me

Any thoughts / suggestions?

Ossoi · Jun 5, 2022

Are the kids old enough to start playing video games with them? E.g. Introducing them to old console games etc

How big is your town/city? What amenities and attractions are there in the local area

Friends/social circle? Normal for friendship circles to change/fade over time

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Ossoi said:
Are the kids old enough to start playing video games with them? E.g. Introducing them to old console games etc

I’ve thought about it with son he’s 4 but I don’t know. Hasn’t quite felt like the right thing.

Ossoi said:
How big is your town/city? What amenities and attractions are there in the local are

Large, top 10 metro. We do all the regular bullshit

Ossoi said:
Friends/social circle? Normal for friendship circles to change/fade over time

Zero- except I do a mens church group at 630 am on Friday’s which is decent

I enjoy drinking in moderation but I’m trying to prioritize losing weight. I feel like drinking out of pure boredom right now but I’m not going to do that lol

Furry · Jun 5, 2022

No shame in admitting you need the little blue pill or whatever.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Furry said:
No shame in admitting you need the little blue pill or whatever.

i don’t know if depression would accurately describe me though. I have a great life outlook and enjoy my trajectory and path.

i also feel that what I am going through is temporary in the sense that as the kids get a little older (2&4) they will get more fun

I’m notoriously difficult person to keep entertained because I constantly push myself - perhaps the monotony of family life is the issue.

And I can’t really complain because individually it’s all good - so good that I don’t want to disconnect or neglect the kids, but not good enough where I am sustaining enjoying it. It’s a weird Goldilocks zone I am in - saying fuck it and playing eq 5 days a week would almost be too easy but also moderately destructive and not great towards my kids

Ossoi · Jun 5, 2022

Cukernaut said:
I’ve thought about it with son he’s 4 but I don’t know. Hasn’t quite felt like the right thing.

Well I'm not a parent but I guess he's coming to the age where you can start introducing him to more stuff, like sports lessons etc. Or watching Star Wars and have some sense that he's actually following it etc but yeah, ultimately living vicariously through your kids is part of being a parent I assume.

You definitely need a hobby of some kind - can you throw more energy towards gym?

Making friends as an adult is tough

Sounds like you're having a mini existential realisation with your life being largely based around work and family

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Ossoi said:
Well I'm not a parent but I guess he's coming to the age where you can start introducing him to more stuff, like sports lessons etc. Or watching Star Wars and have some sense that he's actually following it etc but yeah, ultimately living vicariously through your kids is part of being a parent I assume.

He’s not ready at 4 for most of the “good shit”- I’ve thought about it. I’ve had elden rings collecting dust for a while

Ossoi said:
You definitely need a hobby of some kind - can you throw more energy towards gym?

I probably should do this - it’s not something I particularly enjoy I do suffer from ehlers danlos syndrome and hace severe chronic pain so being consistent is extremely difficult vetween that, kids, and work weihing

Ossoi said:
Making friends as an adult is tough

i could probably do better I’m pretty aloof. Also i own my own business and so there’s two factors there, I’m not in some large company social group from work and the “air is thin at the top” - not q lot of people at my age in my position. In like 2 years I will qualify to join ypo or something like that which I may do and get some peers.

Ossoi said:
Sounds like you're having a mini existential realisation with your life being largely based around work and family

Im totally good with work I want to work until I die over a keyboard. The family life is weird/boring stage - as you alluded it will probably get better when the kids get a little older and I can do cool stuff with them. My wife is not financially responsible so I have to limit activities periodically for months- that’s another topic though. I’ve been living lean financially as I grow the business, that’s about to change - I may literally double my salary in the next month which would be sweet - will help with daily shit and I think I’m going to get a nanny

Ossoi · Jun 5, 2022

Are you WFH? Or office? Is there no after work drinks or office events you can show up to? (I know that's a more London centric culture thing than USA)

At end of day you need some time that's yours. Nothing wrong with losing interest in games, they're all the same nowadays

What about other dad's/families at the same nurseries?

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Ossoi said:
Are you WFH? Or office? Is there no after work drinks or office events you can show up to? (I know that's a more London centric culture thing than USA)

without getting too specific I own my own building that we work in and it’s not a shared space, so i don’t have access to anything like this you are describing that is easy

Ossoi said:
At end of day you need some time that's yours. Nothing wrong with losing interest in games, they're all the same nowadays

i don’t have regular time to myself- my wife is in freak out mode over her not having the same because she’s a sahm. So she drags me when i disappear. When i do find myself with time it’s so infrequent that I don’t know what to do with myself and usually just sit there and do nothing lol. I think if I took it seriously I could do something just need to find something that interests me and she would support me so my wife isn’t the problem per se. The crux of the problem really is me. Reading philosophy was good for the last few years.

Ossoi said:
What about other dad's/families at the same nurseries?

I don’t pick my kids up. My wife does. Hard to explain as well - that I don’t socialize well with most regular people. I realize that may be partially on me. Shit like EQ is actually pretty ideal unfortunately

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Im also wrapping up a wild scale capital raise so things are going to be crazy as shit at work soon- so there’s this thing where I feel stuck not able to start. It’s been dragging on probably 3-4 months longer than it should which has been sustained pressure on everyone. Things will probably be fun again when that happens.

when work is that crazy I pretty much am fully engaged by work and that’s okay with me and then I put my other energy towards kids.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Is drinking when I get this bored (2-3 times a week) a valid thing to do for a month? lol.

Gavinmad · Jun 5, 2022

Go for a walk when you get bored. Take the 4 year old with you if you must.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Gavinmad said:
Go for a walk when you get bored. Take the 4 year old with you if you must.

This is going to be apathetic excuse level shit (speaking frankly my whole thread here is im fully self aware) and I know it but I fucking hate taking walks in the summer

also now I’m in this weird stage where whenever I take the 4 year old to do something now I have to bring the 2 year old.

we kind of do this to an extent already I take him to the mall almost every weekend and just walk around lol. It’s not bad and is better than any of the other options.
Ironically I think I get a bit screwed up from the summers in general

Gavinmad · Jun 5, 2022

Cukernaut said:
I fucking hate taking walks in the summer

idgaf, you're trying to lose weight.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Gavinmad said:
idgaf, you're trying to lose weight.

Rowing has been pretty good for me because my joints don’t hurt from it.
Very little recovery time. I’ve tried extended walking and haven’t lost weight from it before

but honestly the weight loss is okay- I’ve lost 10ish pounds and am doing okay on that.

my issues here are more specific and existential I suppose

Locnar · Jun 5, 2022

Better start focusing in more on your blessings and be thankful for them. Life has a way of throwing you on your ass when your not and then you wish you were back in that uneventful life.

Mist · Jun 5, 2022

Cukernaut said:
but I fucking hate taking walks in the summer

Good. Take 10 mile walks in the heat.

It really makes the stupid thoughts in your head take a backseat when all you can think about is not dying of heat stroke.

Suffering is good for the soul. Sounds like you're not suffering enough. Try it.

This is how I got through a lot of my shit. 7-10 mile walks along some stretch of rural highway every summer afternoon for a few years in a row (this was when I worked late shift.)

PS: If you're depressed and you're drinking more than 1 beer a day you're just making yourself more depressed. Stop it.

zzeris · Jun 5, 2022

Cukernaut said:
I am 33 and am pretty successful professionally and have 2 kids.

i mostly work and hang out with the family, and very little else other than shit around in here occasionally.

my health is decent not great, but not bad either. I’m trying to lose some weight by dieting and working out and it’s going just okay.

i don’t feel like I have time to play mmos anymore, it feels like I am taking too much away from my family, and I have become fully bored of old console games or simple games like Diablo.

Im just getting out of a heavy 2 year reading kick.

I enjoy work well enough, im pretty much just bored at home. Sex with wife is great, love my wife and kids, but coming home from work on weekdays and weekends gets boring and repetitive.

i have a great long term outlook actually and an engaged In pretty interesting stuff, but the short term day to day and minutia is getting me

Any thoughts / suggestions?

This is FoH so bear with me. You're going through a mid-life crisis of a sorts. It doesn't have to be getting older but can sometimes be exactly as you described. Can you get away from the kids for a little bit or do you have opposing schedules with the wife?

If you can get away for an hour or two...this may sound weird, but I think you should have a gun hobby. You need something to liven up your life and you don't sound like you want a mistress, so this is the good for you option. Collecting shit is fun for almost everyone and this is a physical activity that shouldn't bore or tax your body too much. If that's too much for you, have you thought about gardening? These are probably both out of the box ideas for you but that may be exactly what you need. Think about it.

Rease · Jun 5, 2022

DnD is a great way to meet people as an adult especially since you are in a metro. You are a good age and in a good place to find a group of folks to do this in person with. There are all sorts of resources to find people to play with. I trolled them regularly until I found a group for in person games in my neck of the woods through Reddit. Its also something you can get your kids involved in soon and even at 4 with having him "help" you with the character in numerous ways. This will also make you carve out one day every couple of weeks or a month etc for yourself. You could also start online and go from there.

If D&D isn't your cup of tea there are plenty of other games with this social aspect.

Cukernaut · Jun 5, 2022

Mist said:
Good. Take 10 mile walks in the heat.

It really makes the stupid thoughts in your head take a backseat when all you can think about is not dying of heat stroke.

Suffering is good for the soul. Sounds like you're not suffering enough. Try it.

I’ve done plenty of suffering, and your not wrong - it is good. I haven’t enough lately perhaps though (outside of work specifically which I have pushed myself very hard, perhaps in a 1 dimensional way.

Mist said:
This is how I got through a lot of my shit. 7-10 mile walks along some stretch of rural highway every summer afternoon for a few years in a row (this was when I worked late shift.)

yeah i will consider this.

Mist said:
PS: If you're depressed and you're drinking more than 1 beer a day you're just making yourself more depressed. Stop it.

I don’t drink every day, or even every week. I have fallen into that drink 3 times a week thing before and I knew where that ends so I get it.

Losing Interest

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