Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Big Phoenix

Big Phoenix

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Noodleface_sl said:
Onoes post sounds so eerily similar to our situation right now.

First let me say, we've been together for 5 years.. living together for 4.5 years. It was a very "fast" relationship. We were fucking on regular within a week. Situations dictated that I needed to move out of where I lived, and we were together everyday all day so it was logical. We have a joint account, car loans inter-mingled, all bills are together, both on the apartment's lease, etc. We are married in every sense except legally.

The coming home, watching TV, some small talk (mostly listening to her), and going to bed. Ugh. That's what it is right now. Before she got her new job she was unemployed for a couple months. I would work 10 hours a day and have to come home and do homework until 2-3am every night then repeat the next day. I would get so bullshit to find the sink full of dishes or the laundry still sitting in a giant pile. Then she would ask when I was doing the dishes. Mostly the cleaning stuff is good now, but for awhile there I was willing to raise my fist.

I've been independent since I was like 10.. my parents never did shit for me. I lived there, but I did everything I needed. When I got my first job I wasn't even eating their food anymore. Her family on the other hand spoils them. Her mother still does the laundry for her two 30 year old sons that live at home, cooks them dinner every night, pays their bills. When we moved out I think she had trouble (and still does) adjusting. She hangs out at her families house a lot because it is easier than cooking food for herself. I can't stand it.

I guess I need to find out if we're in a lull or if this is recoverable. I realize I am in hostile ground right now (this thread), but I hope I can provide some enjoyment to everyone.

Oh and to top all of this off.. I am in a group with an amazingly hot chick that is always asking me to come back to her place and have coffee. I can't do it, I never would.. but.. what if.. just once.. nevermind.

Also had a girl at the bank give me her number yesterday. I threw it out on the way out of the bank. I think I know why married men cheat now.
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co-mingling, dont do it bro.
Yeah, you are me. Well, except the cheating thing. I've never cheated on anyone ever, but I'm at the point where if I was out of town or something, and knew there was no way she would ever know, I would probably do it. It's weird saying that, because I remember being of the mindset "If a guy cheats he should have his dick cut off!" kinda thing, but yeah, 10 years, 3 months, and 10 days since my last blowjob has made me rethink my stance on that.

Remember me saying I wasn't super happy about our sex life? Now, don't get me wrong, she loves having sex, but she's the only girl I've ever been with who is just addamitaly not interested in doing anything for me that she's not into. And she's not into blowjobs, despite never giving one. "It's gross, spit is gross, and I'll gag and throw up, so nope, not ever" is basically her stance.

It's.... frustrating. More so since I know most guys are into all sorts of shit. I don't want anything to do with her ass, nor her having anything to do with mine, I don't want to pee on her, choke her, slap her, film her, etc etc. I would just like a blowjob. Like I said, frustrating. /end rant

I'm not against relationships, but getting married just BECAUSE does nothing but make it way harder to split up if you decide in 1, or 10, years that is what you want to do.
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Why not just end it or make the preparations? I never understand guys who bitch about sexless marriages or relationships. She either wants to fuck and if she doesnt fuck her and go find someone else who will fuck. You think a woman is gonna stay in a relationship very long were you arent celebrating her birthday/vday/anniversary etc?
 
W

Wintermute_sl

shitlord
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Commander Vimeseh_sl said:
Men get married for a bunch of reasons. To please their woman, to fulfill the role that society says they should by making sure the union is official in a legal and/or religious sense, to fulfill that instinctual urge to label her as yours, and on and on.

Bringing gay marriage in to this discussion is a smokescreen. Gays want to be allowed to get married because in most societies marriage is the sign of ultimate commitment and it is unfair to them that they aren't allowed equal privileges under the laws that surround state recognized marriage. Nothing more, nothing less. If the gays and by extension the straights existed in a society where marriage wasn't a thing, at least legally then they wouldn't give a shit if they could get married or not.
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Not a smokescreen, just another way of making the point you just stated. People get married for lots of reasons. If you make a statement like "Men only get married to please women," then pointing out a significant portion of the male population who want to get married even though there are no women involved would be a pretty decent way to refute that statement.

For the record, I agree with you. People get married for lots of reasons one of which being it's a sign of commitment. Reducing marriage to "Emotional Monsters and the Suckers They Enslave" seems a bit short sighted.
 
Gravel

Gravel

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Big Phoenix_sl said:
co-mingling, dont do it bro.

Why not just end it or make the preparations? I never understand guys who bitch about sexless marriages or relationships. She either wants to fuck and if she doesnt fuck her and go find someone else who will fuck. You think a woman is gonna stay in a relationship very long were you arent celebrating her birthday/vday/anniversary etc?
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I would guess because, like several pages of this thread have discussed, men get fucked in divorces. That, or he loves his wife, but a piece of strange is appealing.
 
Vandyn

Vandyn

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chaos_sl said:
I think people cheat for all kinds of reasons. There is no one size fits all philosophy. Like I said, I never want to, but lots of guys have said that I'm sure.
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People cheat because they are looking for something (someone?) that doesn't exist at home. Simple as that.

It goes beyond that of course to the reasons why it doesn't exist. Sometimes the one doing the cheating isn't bothering to find what those reasons are and see if there is any way to fix it. It's one thing if a relationship is having an issue, all of em do. But when you stop caring about what to do about that issue, the relationship has no chance. This is also why I think getting married young is stupid. The average 21 year old starts finding out there are better things to care about than trying to fix their (young) marriage.
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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Azrayne_sl said:
But would you want to change your name? Be accepted into her family? I think that's the way they look at it.
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That's not the tradition. So no I wouldn't want to change my name for that reason. I just think tradition like that is neat. One of things I would look forward to if I was getting married.

Muay Thai fighters often take the names of their gyms as their last names. Its an honorable thing. I would be all for that. If you know what I mean.

Then your maiden name can be used for security questions and what not.
 
chaos

chaos

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My wife changed her name, but I told her it wasn't a big deal to me, it was up to her. I would never take her name, why don't I just take her vagina while I'm at it?
 
Frenzied Wombat

Frenzied Wombat

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Grumpus_sl said:
That's not the tradition. So no I wouldn't want to change my name for that reason. I just think tradition like that is neat. One of things I would look forward to if I was getting married.

Muay Thai fighters often take the names of their gyms as their last names. Its an honorable thing. I would be all for that. If you know what I mean.

Then your maiden name can be used for security questions and what not.
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Very simple. If she doesn't want to take my name and break "tradition", then I am also allowed to break "tradition" and forego the engagement ring. The provided link is just another example of the "have my cake and eat it too" mentality of feminism gone too far. I call it "double standard feminism" and it really is a growing plague amongst the North American female population. It's the girl you date that wants you to hold the door open for her, call her first, buy her flowers, drive her everywhere, be the "planner" and "spontaneous", yet she takes pride in the fact that she can't even cook eggs-- as if it's a badge of modern female independence rather than essential life skill. Basically retain all those traditional values that are beneficial to her, while dispose of those that don't and label them chauvinistic.
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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Frenzied Wombat_sl said:
Very simple. If she doesn't want to take my name and break "tradition", then I am also allowed to break "tradition" and forego the engagement ring. The provided link is just another example of the "have my cake and eat it too" mentality of feminism gone too far. I call it "double standard feminism" and it really is a growing plague amongst the North American female population. It's the girl you date that wants you to hold the door open for her, call her first, buy her flowers, drive her everywhere, be the "planner" and "spontaneous", yet she takes pride in the fact that she can't even cook eggs-- as if it's a badge of modern female independence rather than essential life skill. Basically retain all those traditional values that are beneficial to her, while dispose of those that don't and label them chauvinistic.
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Spot on.
 
Eomer

Eomer

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I don't really give a fuck. If I get married, I really wouldn't care much if the wife took my name or not. I think most women still do even today, though. Virtually all the friends I have that got married took the husband's name. My sister did some sort of goofy thing where she didn't really hyphenate her name, she didn't take her husband's name, and she didn't give up her name. Fuck if I know. She was a lawyer before she got married, so there's elements of professional continuity there in keeping her name the same. As far as I understand it, she can legally go by either her maiden or husband's last name, or both non-hyphenated.

If I have kids though? Fucking rights they are getting my name. I don't have any rational or logical justification for that though, other than my penis did it.

But Grumpus bro, you're honestly sounding like you're about 12 and Susy laughed at you when you gave her a Valentine. What's really the problem here bro? If you don't like all of this kind of shit, you have two choices: a) don't get married (or live common law in the majority of the country:http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/britis...rty-rules.html) or b) if you do want to get married, do it with a chick whose views mirror yours.

I really don't get why you're whining about this shit so much, quite honestly. You've got some odd fixation on the downfalls of marriage for no discernible reason other than your sister being a dumbass cultist getting married at 19.
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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Eomer_sl said:
But Grumpus bro, you're honestly sounding like you're about 12 and Susy laughed at you when you gave her a Valentine. What's really the problem here bro?
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I think it's just the way I convey my thoughts in type. I'm not very good at it and why I generally stay out of arguments on the internet and especially on this forum.
 
iannis

iannis

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Take the name, don't take the name. As a man you gotta have a really small dick to care about that. Frankly -- she's either wearing the name of her father or the name of her husband and I ain't lookin to be no grown womans daddy. Shit, maybe he was a better man than I am anyway.

The hyphen names now. Those are insulting in the way that only unctuous compromises can be. Those are absolutely ridiculous.
 
Cutlery

Cutlery

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I know a couple who changed both of their names...literally took the first half of her name and the last half of his and meshed them together (because it's one of those that actually works that way). No hyphen, and they both legally changed it. Who gives a shit? It's just a name.

Of course, they've been married 18 months and are getting divorced because I guess marrying a statutory rapist meth head is a bad idea. Who could have known?
 
E

etoille

698
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Eomer_sl said:
I don't really give a fuck. If I get married, I really wouldn't care much if the wife took my name or not. I think most women still do even today, though. Virtually all the friends I have that got married took the husband's name. My sister did some sort of goofy thing where she didn't really hyphenate her name, she didn't take her husband's name, and she didn't give up her name. Fuck if I know. She was a lawyer before she got married, so there's elements of professional continuity there in keeping her name the same. As far as I understand it, she can legally go by either her maiden or husband's last name, or both non-hyphenated.

If I have kids though? Fucking rights they are getting my name. I don't have any rational or logical justification for that though, other than my penis did it.

But Grumpus bro, you're honestly sounding like you're about 12 and Susy laughed at you when you gave her a Valentine. What's really the problem here bro? If you don't like all of this kind of shit, you have two choices: a) don't get married (or live common law in the majority of the country:http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/britis...rty-rules.html) or b) if you do want to get married, do it with a chick whose views mirror yours.

I really don't get why you're whining about this shit so much, quite honestly. You've got some odd fixation on the downfalls of marriage for no discernible reason other than your sister being a dumbass cultist getting married at 19.
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Jesus tittyfucking christ - this.

Like I've been lurking this thread casually watching the ball ping pong between the whole "yay marriage is awesome" side (current population about 2 people) and the whole "marriage is the worst thing ever" side (current population like 10 people) with folks in the middle like chaos scratching their heads.

Like jesus guys. Get married. Don't get married. Some marriages suck, some are harder than others, some are open, some are between folks of the same sex. Its the same shit about the friggin ring. Do what works for you but the amount of bleeding goddamn vaginas is appalling in this thread. Stop the bitching for christ sake. For the amount of male "I'ma gonna make sure everyone knows that I wear the pants" assertions going on here its very plain to ascertain how masculine or 'in control' some of y'all feel. Which is repulsive. I've said it before and I'll say it again - if you're the guy worrying about who has the upper hand in your relationship then that person aint you. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and do what works for you and your woman. And if its irreparably broken then have the balls to leave. If it can be/is worth saving, then give it an honest shot.

Jesus.

End rant.
 
E

etoille

698
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Famm_sl said:
What have you been married for, like a year or something Etoille?
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We've been married since October 2010. Living together (bought a house together) since July 2007. So about 6 years at this point? We didn't need to get married first for any of that. Marriage wasn't this big life changing thing for us.

Edited for clarity - we've been together since Jan 2006. So over 7 years.
 
Onoes

Onoes

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Weird, nothing in the thread comes off as crazy whiny to me at all. People who have issues venting (myself included), sure, but nothing that would upset me. Just stop looking at this thread if its bothering you for some reason? /shrug

Anyhoo, yeah, there is a shit ton of middle ground there, your own example being about how many different types of marriages there are in fact, so your "Either man up and leave, or make it work perfectly" synopsis doesn't really fit. There are about a million other options in there, including hopping into a forum and talking a little about your own experiences to someone who asked for opinions.

Lastly, as has been stated numerous times in the thread already,Kids and Money. Those are two huge issues that can greatly complicate things. As has already been stated numerous times by the vocal majority of marriage naysayers.
 
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