Marriage and the Power of Divorce

It's a superautomatic.

Delonghi actually mailed me another one so I have two. I'm wondering what to do, I'd like to keep it but I don't want to burn in hell or mail it back.

They can't have raw hot dogs either so don't get any ideas picasso

Don't worry about that Soy, I can only satisfy 1 moderators significant other at a time.

Noodleface said:

The cleaning stuff has been an issue here for awhile. I've taken care of the little man for full days before and it is not as bad as she makes it..

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I dunno about your son, but my 5 year old has always behaved way differently (i.e. worse) with my wife than he does with just me. He behaves the worst when we are together though we've become a pretty good united front so it's not near as bad as it was a couple of years ago when my wife would constantly make excuses for his shitty behavior. But yeah, if it's just me and him he's really good and easy to take care of.

alavaz said:

I dunno about your son, but my 5 year old has always behaved way differently (i.e. worse) with my wife than he does with just me. He behaves the worst when we are together though we've become a pretty good united front so it's not near as bad as it was a couple of years ago when my wife would constantly make excuses for his shitty behavior. But yeah, if it's just me and him he's really good and easy to take care of.

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I'd say this is pretty similar to my house as well, except if you were to video record it, and replay it for my wife, she'd yell and scream at what I was doing, or lack of what I was doing. I'm just more chill. You gonna throw shit all over the living room? Cool, have fun! Wanna go to the park? Cool, let's go. Want ice cream for lunch with cereal on top? Sounds good to me.

When your not so uptight the kids sense it and have a great time!

Edit: Also, I appreciate the advice from earlier. I'm going to make an effort to keep my shit on lock (the dishes), and see if it can carry over and inspire her to keep her shit taken care of better. As for the laundry, I doubt I'll ever be able to convince her that folding laundry is actually something she needs to do....

Famm said:

"So I'm mostly just hanging on until my parents pass so I can kill myself."

Seems a fair comparison to me...

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Mist is desperate for attention, I'm just making an objective statement of fact.

Twilight Sparkle said:

Mist is desperate for attention, I'm just making an objective statement of fact.

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So your depression and suicidal behavior is better than his? I'm not really sure that's how this works...

I have been laughing a lot more during porno recently. I think it's because i'm running into a lot of british shit and they're always saying arse and wank.

No NSFW links outside screen shots. thank you.

This one had me in tears at about 38 seconds.

Crone said:

So how do you respond to your wife when she doesn't think it's fair that just because she's the stay at home Mom, she should have to do all the house stuff? (The fact that you did all that when you were a stay at home Mom lindz is blowing my mind)

Wife and I have since living together split that she does laundry and I do dishes. She thinks dishes are gross (this feeling probably came about from years of letting them sit too long so they get gross), and I don't care, and not a fan of laundry really, so it works out. Those are our "split" duties.

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Hard to give advice, but I wouldn't sit for it. My wife stays at home, the deal was clear--Clean house, home cooked meals on the weekdays, laundry, shopping, and child care (Daytime) is hers, I don't help at all...I'll do the lawn, take out the garbage and home repairs, and read/spend time with the kids when I get home (We both feel this is very important), but other than that, nothing. In return she doesn't work and we split what's left of the money after bills/retirement/savings deposit.

The thing is, I do look at it like her job, and I let her know too that I appreciate it. We both feel we get a lot out of it between house cleaning, meals, stocking and the kids get daycare that is personalized (Along with more than just watching them, she reads and plays with them). But if she's staying at home, we're both very clear that it IS her job. She likes it, so, I guess I got really lucky, it's a lot of peace of mind to have her teaching/reading to the kids and watching them, and the family meals (Very important for me). However, I couldn't imagine someone staying at home and then expecting me to split house work with them--nope, fuck that. It would be just as frustrating, I'm sure, if she worked and I didn't split house work with her.

Lithose said:

Hard to give advice, but I wouldn't sit for it. My wife stays at home, the deal was clear--Clean house, home cooked meals on the weekdays, laundry, shopping, and child care is hers, I don't help at all...

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Kinda douchey

Lithose said:

The thing is, I do look at it like her job, and I let her know too that I appreciate it.

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Not so douchey

Lenas said:

Kinda douchey

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Would you say the woman in this situation is a douche for not helping with the work? No, of course not. That's part of the problem, most guys automatically believe it's douchey to not help when they see their wives working. But that's how you grow to resent the situation, because she's not there to help you when you're slaving away but that guilt starts to take over when you're home and you feel like a douche if you don't do half the work there. But in reality what that means is, if a house takes 120 hours to run effectively (60-80 at a job for finance, and 40 for home care), the one who is working is doing 75-80% of the work in the household. That is douchey.

That's also why you need to be really honest when you discuss it, to the point of being blunt about how it's going to look (IE I don't do dishes, laundry, cook ect). Because everyone's first reaction is "that's kind of shitty that you don't get up and help", but that reaction leaves out the huge load of work that goes into the finance of the house. You need to communicate the big picture well, if people are going to think its douchey that the house work is not split, then those people need to split the bills. Otherwise, I don't expect her to run in and do my job, I have no idea why'd she would expect me to do hers. (And it is a job, she has her own retirement account and everything from my wages.)

Lithose said:

Hard to give advice, but I wouldn't sit for it. My wife stays at home, the deal was clear--Clean house, home cooked meals on the weekdays, laundry, shopping, and child care is hers, I don't help at all...I'll do the lawn, take out the garbage and home repairs, and read/spend time with the kids when I get home (We both feel this is very important), but other than that, nothing. In return she doesn't work and we split what's left of the money after bills/retirement/savings deposit.

The thing is, I do look at it like her job, and I let her know too that I appreciate it. We both feel we get a lot out of it between house cleaning, meals, stocking and the kids get daycare that is personalized (Along with more than just watching them, she reads and plays with them). But if she's staying at home, we're both very clear that it IS her job. She likes it, so, I guess I got really lucky, it's a lot of piece of mind to have her teaching/reading to the kids and watching them, and the family meals (Very important for me). However, I couldn't imagine someone staying at home and then expecting me to split house work with them--nope, fuck that. It would be just as frustrating, I'm sure, if she worked and I didn't split house work with her.

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Yeah, if you'll let me, I'll play devil's advocate.

But Lithose, my job is watching and playing with the kids, and raising them to the best of my ability, not cleaning the house. The house is both our responsibilities!

(This is where my wife's point of view is coming from. Her job is the kids, and everything else is "extra".)

Crone said:

Yeah, if you'll let me, I'll play devil's advocate.

But Lithose, my job is watching and playing with the kids, and raising them to the best of my ability, not cleaning the house. The house is both our responsibilities!

(This is where my wife's point of view is coming from. Her job is the kids, and everything else is "extra".)

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Would you trade her supervision for a daycare and an additional salary? Here it really comes down to earnings potential and how expensive your house is ect.

Edit: Going to head to bed. But honestly, do a sheet of the house's costs, mortgage, bills, kids colleges, retirement savings, average medical bills(Take the past three years), all insurances, property tax, shopping (Food, Clothes ec) and incidental. Then find out how much day care would cost, also calculate the cost of incidental daycare for overages. If half the finance well exceeds daycare, tell her you'd like her to find a job in order to pay for half the bills, and we'll find a daycare or she can do the house to supplement the excess work you're putting in (If she can't earn enough for half, it gets complex, but I wouldn't focus on that--focus on the number of hours you put in to cover it all, and expect that much from her). This was also part of the arrangement, too, I had to have a decent enough job, and expect to work enough to make her contribution valuable if she looked at it as her job.

Well if I'm being honest with myself, I feel there are benefits of daycare as well, but it would take nearly all of her salary, maybe all of it, to put them into daycare. We have a 3 year old and nearly 2 year old, and a 3rd on the way come February, so daycare costs are just going up.