Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Its not about him spending the $$, its about the romantic setting and the free time...

If your not getting it daily (should be x3 on vaca) some shit is up that needs to be discussed.


"I was hoping this fantastic tropical paradise and the time we spent together would accelerate our sex life” “it seems like it actually did the opposite” “is everything ok? Are you not feeling the same way ?” Was I wrong to think that a vacation would be a great opportunity to increase our intimacy?”

It can be about the money to him, but he sure as hell better not let her know that...

Id try to enjoy it with her or without her and tackle this shit when you get back. Such a bummer when a bukku bux vacation doesn't go great.

We went to Asheville one time and my wife was being a shitass and going to bed so i was like well I'm gonna go hang out at a bar or something and took off. She came out like 30 minutes later and we had a good time and i got my biannual bj iirc

Picasso3 said:

Id try to enjoy it with her or without her and tackle this shit when you get back. Such a bummer when a bukku bux vacation doesn't go great.

We went to Asheville one time and my wife was being a shitass and going to bed so i was like well I'm gonna go hang out at a bar or something and took off. She came out like 30 minutes later and we had a good time and i got my biannual bj iirc

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Next time go to Boone. It's a small college town, but it's much prettier than Asheville.

Not that Asheville is ugly, just Boone is nicer. Or, no shit, go to Pigeon Forge. Yeah, yeah Dollywood is stupid... but Dollywood is fun.

Should i still do that if we're meeting someone in Asheville?

Yes.

Fuck them.

Big Phoenix said:

I mention the cost because I'm only making $14 an hour atm, so that's a lot of money. She sure a shit would never be able to spend close to that on a vacation so imo it's a big deal. short of me magically getting a massive raise no way I'll be taking a similar vacation next year.

Both of us.

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Holy shit, I completely read into that wrong, and I apologize for that. That kind of changes everything to a sense, because with that being the case, this is a blind curve ball. Not going to speculate at all, but for absolute sure some kind of frank discussion is needed at this point. Because shelling out 2400 bucks on a 14/hr wage is a major show of dedication, and for a sudden shift in attitude like that, in a key area of relationships no less, is pretty massive.

See a doctor about testosterone ?

Was going to ask how often he tugs one out, as that could be a contributing factor, but I guess he'll never answer that now.

Tarrant said:

So...I think my ex wife ruined my sex drive.

After years of once a month or once every three weeks of sex, this is apparently just what I got used to. Now I don't need it all the time and its starting to affect my relationship I'm in now. She thinks its something with her, I'm like "dude, I'm good with twice a week" which frankly, I'm good with once a week. I assure her it's me, but if it continued going the way it was I saw things not ending well.

Now I've been making an effort to be more active than that, and I am...but more than the twice a week thing and on the outside I'm like "Fuck yeah lets do this!" but on the inside I'm like "am I missing the new episode of Lucifer right now?"

Just a shitty feeling to have that going on I guess.

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It may not be that your ex-wife ruined it. You may just be a guy that doesn't need to get laid that often to be satisfied with his sex life. Gasp.

I had a problem kinda like yours, just reversed. When I was young (ie. before I went monogamous with the current manwife) I was in relationships that were pretty much 90% sex, 10% substance. Not that there's anything wrong with that when you're young and that's pretty much all you care about. I had a pretty healthy sex drive to begin with, but pretty much expected early on that any relationship I was in was going to include a lot of fucking by default. There's plenty of guys out there that want that every day.

It was a learning experience that took actually came with a respectable amount of bad feels, 5-6 years into my relationship with the current guy. We had a lot of shit to worry about outside of the relationship, like $$$$ and deaths in the family and craziness, so we were both stressed out. Ontop of that, he was starting to act uninterested in sex sometimes. Like it was routine! I of course interpreted as something being wrong with me. Thus, arguments.

He was hung up on the idea that there was something 'wrong' with him, being a dude that didn't want to have sex all the time. I was hung up on this expectation that two people who are still into each other are supposed to act like they're 18, well into their 20s. That kind of shit can be embarassing to talk about but in the end, you just have to be honest about how you are and what you expect from the other person.

It is a lot better getting laid 2 or 3 times a week and having it be good sex, instead of every day and having it be 'part of the routine.' Talk to your wife about it.

One thing I see people mention a lot is the quantity of sex but very few bring up quality of sex. In the same vein of asking "Is there a reason we're not having sex as much", you should also talk about things like "what works or doesn't work for you, what can we try different, etc". Add in ways you think you can spice things up, add variety, whatever.

Oh and Tarrant I've been one of those dudes that can make it with only a couple times week. I can still perform fine but if she's not starting it then I probably wouldn't care.

Quality helps. If I get some good fuckery it makes me want to do it more. If it's weak then I'd rather do something else.

Yeah when we're trying to Have a kid it's very mechanical and almost planned and to me that is boring. The spontaneous fuck on the couch or on a desk gets me every time