Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Mrs. Gravy said:

So first friend zone dude calls or texts me every day. Other friend zone dude brought me coffee...to my office...I have been up front with both of them about friendship with no additional benefits or romantic future...more than once and directly with "I will eat lunch/dinner with you...but only as your friend, I have no intention of a romantic or sexual relationship with you." I apparently not good at this & must be doing something to project a possibility of pants action/romance for them. I do not want to be mean or considered a cunt but fuck. Do I just stop replying? I have known the one since grade school, the other h s. and will see them often enough for them to be uncomfortable...are women just not that up front? BTW...I am super friendly with everyone ...men, women, whatever gender identity... just don't feel I should have to change that for someone not figuring out I mean what I say. Guess I will just accept food and beverages without guilty feelings.

I think I just answered my own question, but feel free to comment at your pleasure.

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The dude bringing you coffee? He won't be helped. Unless a guy is bringing you some food during a traumatic time, its almost always a romantic gesture. Real ape brain shit; he's already hard wired you for possible romantic involvement. If you have no interest, need to cut it. Other one sounds like you need to let texts hang. From everything in your posts you seem like the type that has to respond, even if you only respond with 'yes' or very simple answers (Let me know if I'm wrong). For 90% of well adjusted guys? We will stop once that happens a couple times because its obvious there is no interest in continuing the talk. If he continues texting you even when you do that? Probably need to cut him out, but you can try not responding to him every day and he will get the message better, might moderate him.

However, if you're a very friendly person who likes touches and hugs? I don't think you're doing yourself any favors with guys. Touching is a pretty big deal for most men. I think a far bigger deal than it is for women. Guys don't touch each other casually in social groups without a level of roughness. So most men take touches as very very affectionate. I've always found this to be a huge disparity for women and men who want to be friends. Even really well adjusted guys who aren't trying super hard for it will notice touches and general proximity. Keep a decent distance from men you want to be friends with. Ask the guys here how awkward it is for us to get 'soft touched' by a guy, I'm sure most when they think about it will realize it doesn't happen. You can do a slap, playful punch, hand shake and maybe a hug once in a while, but casual touching? Nope. Big green light for most men, I think.

It's true, if a woman touches me I start wondering how her pussy is gonna feel around my dick later

But if a kid touches you... ?

Deathwing said:

Those thoughts start WELL before anything physical is involved.

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Yes but when I'm touched it's basically sealing the deal

ZyyzYzzy said:

Ugh, one of my wife's mom friends is super hot and fit always gives all the dad's hugs hello and goodbye and puts her arm around people during conversation. So many thoughts

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My wife's best friend is the same. Gives lingering hugs and she's super fit with huge tits. Such badness.

That's ok as long as they know they're getting added to the spank bank

kegkilla said:

anyone else find it depressing how by the time you hit your 30s entering into a relationship is a glorified business arrangement? it's no longer about love or passion or really anything other than two people coming to the conclusion that the other person makes adequate money or will be a decent enough parent and they probably won't do much better. i wouldn't really describe myself as the romantic type but i have a hard time reconciling that with what i thought "love" was about what i was a teenager.

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Love is whatever you want it to be; money, lifestyle, personality, a sweet ass

Love is about growing old together while growing young of heart. And other such idioms.

kegkilla said:

anyone else find it depressing how by the time you hit your 30s entering into a relationship is a glorified business arrangement?

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Yes. Is it problematic that my first thought meeting someone new usually involves a self-noted prediction of at what point my lawyer is going to need to be involved? Oregon... the only place I have lived that has required two restraining orders. Batshit crazy people here.

I fell in love with my wife as a teenager. We got married at 20 and 8 years later we're as in love as ever. The thing is, as we've matured we've realized the lust side of things arent as important as they once were. Yes, we do have sex but its not about the chase anymore. The notion of love has matured to "Can I sit in the same room as this bitch, and like doing my own thing more cause she's here?"...

Thats love to me. I think Keg is over-stating this maturing, while missing the fact that when you've grown out of "have to get laid" looking for a relationship becomes more looking for a partner, than a hottie to dip into. I also think he is confusing passion with lust.