Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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A

a_skeleton_02

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She looked older than her pictures suggested. Def used some skin smoothing picture shit, the entire time she was talking I was thinking that she was 13 when I was born.

Then I imagined is this what all the 21 year olds think when they look at me? Then I remembered men age like wine and women age like vegetables.

She was not fat but told me that she had lost 175lbs so I know I'm going to deal with "skin" issues.

Spent the evening talking about work and casinos and pot the she gave me the most Hoover fucking blowjob I've had in years. SJW Blowies where meek and playful this chick wanted to rip my cock off.

She asks me to fill up her mouth and when I do she wouldn't let go it was like torture she kept sucking I had to buck my body to get her away.


Not nearly as pretty as my usual girls but damn could she suck a dick.
 
LulzSect

LulzSect

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"If you continue to contact me, I am going to file a police report."

She's playing hard to get, right boys?!

:smuggly:
 
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Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Noodleface said:
She compromised and is inviting them every other week. It's always the brother and his gf. They're 21 and 23 and I'm 33 so I can't relate to their meme filled lives. How tiggles "dates" them I don't know. Also they stay til like 2am and I wake up at 6 on Sundays.

Just bitching I guess. Just wish she would listen. She compromised but I wasn't part or that decision
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Bruh, why are you waking up at 6am on Sunday?!
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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You'll see in a couple years.

Hopefully his wife lets him sleep in on Saturdays though.
 
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Deathwing

Deathwing

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Works for a little while but she'll figure it out eventually.

We just leave out a cliff bar and his tablet and that distracts him until we're awake.
 
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Noodleface

Noodleface

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My kid won't even get out of his bed. But we can't sleep through the restless slamming around mixed with whining
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
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Deathwing said:
Works for a little while but she'll figure it out eventually.

We just leave out a cliff bar and his tablet and that distracts him until we're awake.
Click to expand...

My little one comes into our room with his ipad and lays between us and watches Ryan's Toy Review videos until we get up. It's cute. Until he randomly drop kicks me in the stomach because he's "playing" and I'm dead asleep...
 
chaos

chaos

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Mine started figuring out how to make toast, open cabinets (we have those child locks, clearly not great), generally fucking up the house. So yeah, if we don't get up then it's a roll of the dice what we will wake up to.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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Cad said:
My little one comes into our room with his ipad and lays between us and watches Ryan's Toy Review videos until we get up. It's cute. Until he randomly drop kicks me in the stomach because he's "playing" and I'm dead asleep...
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Yeah, my son does the same. Sans kicking(yet?). I'd rather he go elsewhere because even the lowest volume setting, that stuff is too loud to sleep through.
 
lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

AssHat Taint
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My kids have started making breakfast on Saturday morning. It's generally served about 10, and I always get up at 5, so it's second breakfast for me, and I'm good with that. They work together and typically make bacon, english muffins, scrambled eggs, and some kind of sliced up fruit. Doesn't happen every weekend, depending on soccer and hockey schedules, but it's pretty great to have your kids drop a meal in front of you with pride on their faces.
 
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Cutlery

Cutlery

Kill All the White People
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Noodleface said:
Fuck I'd be ok with toast

I have to cook everything
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Eggo waffles, man,

You don't have to be much more than 3 years old to open up the freezer, grab a waffle, hop up on a chair, drop it into the toaster and then forget about it until 3pm.
 
iannis

iannis

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chaos said:
Mine started figuring out how to make toast, open cabinets (we have those child locks, clearly not great), generally fucking up the house. So yeah, if we don't get up then it's a roll of the dice what we will wake up to.
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Teach her how to scramble eggs, fry out some bacon, and it sounds like you don't have any sort of problem at all.
 
Zaara

Zaara

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Noodleface said:
Fuck I'd be ok with toast

I have to cook everything
Click to expand...

Have you thought about Blue Apron*/something like it, or suggesting it to your wife? It's not going to make her into Julia Childs but its a pretty easy way to get her to start cooking for you more often.

*Can't remember if I shilled it before or not.
 
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Deathwing

Deathwing

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I was going to suggest getting her a crock pot but I'm reminded of Noodle's board crush coming here with the same exact plea(help my husband cook!). The motivation has to be there or they will half-ass everything at the very least. How was that butter cookie casserole, Noodle?
 
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