Marriage and the Power of Divorce

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
lurkingdirk

lurkingdirk

AssHat Taint
<Medals Crew>
48,579
228,915
Noodleface said:
I posted in the parent thread but I'm gonna drop it here.

At 3:01 am my wife had crazy painful contractions and instantly her water broke. Called 911 and they were on the way and I was advised to keep her comfortable and wait the 4 minutes (literally down the street).

30 seconds later I'm back calling 911 because the baby instantly came out into her arms. And I'm a dad again.

I have never been so afraid in my life. My wife was rushed to the hospital because she lost so much blood.

Scary
Click to expand...

Holy Jebus cross-checking Mary in the crease...Way to go for keeping your head about you! Congrats on being a dad once more, and congrats on being a total bad-ass. You won today. Everything.

I can only imagine how scary that was. But I guess this is certain proof that you're hung like a horse, and you merely prepared her to have a quick birth with your girth. How does she feel? Births that fast often come with tearing and such, I hope everyone involved is okay and able to get some rest.
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user
moonarchia

moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
24,604
46,313
Grats Noodlebutt! 2 for 2 on boys so far? Need to make or adopt a girl so the house isn't a total sausagefest.
 
Mrs. Gravy

Mrs. Gravy

Quite Saucy
<QUITE SAUCY>
1,699
2,237
Noodleface said:
There was extreme bloodloss so that scared me. Also they had my wife shower unsupervised and she passed out and hit her head.. that one kind of pissed me off.

The little dude is very small, but he's doing well. He looks exactly like me.
Click to expand...
Holy crap - I would not be happy about the shower situation and don't know what their criteria for fall precautions are but I would think challenging pregnancy, at home birth and extreme blood loss would perhaps be included. Sheesh.
Congratulations on little dude; and good wishes for great health for all of you!
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,406
16,327
Just sitting down now. Yeah I'm not some suit happy dude but letting my wife shower alone 2 hours after giving birth in our house I thought was so fucked. I actually thought someone was helping her until she called for help. She said she passed out and woke up on the floor.
 
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
31,351
17,657
That one is questionable. If your wife was adamant about showering alone, or if she just DID it without even telling anyone (that's where my initial bet is, she wanted to get up and get clean and she wanted to do it herself... and the female mind directly after childbirth... it literally makes them dumb for a little bit so that they can forget how painful it was) then...

Those showers almost always come with seats, too.

Yeah, she fainted. After a birth, easy or hard, that is not some incredible fact and should have been anticipated.

Yes, it is sub optimal.
 
Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
28,552
45,089
Noodleface said:
I posted in the parent thread but I'm gonna drop it here.

At 3:01 am my wife had crazy painful contractions and instantly her water broke. Called 911 and they were on the way and I was advised to keep her comfortable and wait the 4 minutes (literally down the street).

30 seconds later I'm back calling 911 because the baby instantly came out into her arms. And I'm a dad again.

I have never been so afraid in my life. My wife was rushed to the hospital because she lost so much blood.

Scary
Click to expand...
Congrats, Noods! That is amazing and scary as shit. Hope the wife and baby are doing well. That will be a cool story to tell in the future!
 
Pemulis

Pemulis

Not Woke
<Bronze Donator>
3,311
9,222
Congrats - glad to hear everything worked out ok, and you've got one hell of a story to tell in the future
 
P

Picasso3

Silver Baronet of the Realm
11,333
5,323
Congrats dude.

Is the baby 100% conehead free since it came out so fast?

My neighbors baby is still coneheaded after like 3 weeks, i think its permanent.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,406
16,327
Picasso3 said:
Congrats dude.

Is the baby 100% conehead free since it came out so fast?

My neighbors baby is still coneheaded after like 3 weeks, i think its permanent.
Click to expand...
You joke but yes, perfect shaped head

actually the fastness was a detriment because when t hey come out slow all the mucus and shit is squeezed out so he's all backed up
 
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
31,351
17,657
That's gonna be a little man, innit it.

Babby was all like, "Poppa, poppa! It smells like farts in there!"

Make sure his first word is fart.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,406
16,327
Wife is coming home today. I suppose now is when shit gets real.

Having a 2 year old you forget how tiny the little dude once was
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
<Bronze Donator>
25,947
51,155
Noodleface said:
Wife is coming home today. I suppose now is when shit gets real.

Having a 2 year old you forget how tiny the little dude once was
Click to expand...

They just feel like little nothings in your arms. So precious. Then the bigger one comes and jumps on you and feels like a giant sack of potatoes...
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,406
16,327
Yeah the two year old is in the phase of throwing tantrums at the drop of a dime so it sucks right now and I'm worried about the baby sleeping.
 
Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
28,552
45,089
Yeah, a two year old and an infant at the same time is some major work. Cad, lend Noodle one of your au pairs.
 
Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
<Bronze Donator>
25,947
51,155
Noodleface said:
Yeah the two year old is in the phase of throwing tantrums at the drop of a dime so it sucks right now and I'm worried about the baby sleeping.
Click to expand...

Would love to tell you that the baby never woke up the toddler or vice versa... but yea.. that happens constantly. Two kids is like 4x the work of one.
 
  • 1Solidarity
Reactions: 1 user
Prodigal

Prodigal

Shitlord, Offender of the Universe
<Bronze Donator>
1,440
1,828
Mine are 3 years apart (daughter then son) and my daughter loved waking him up and later on antagonizing him.

I had a talk with both of them not long before his growth spurt - making sure my daughter understood he'd soon be capable of whipping her ass, and making sure my son understood I would still be willing and able to whip his.

You have so much to look forward to.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.