Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Adebisi

Adebisi

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Nasty week last week my friends.

My wife's closest friend died suddenly on Wednesday morning (Sepsis from something related to Strep A), leaving behind a 5 year old daughter who at the time she was raising without help from the father. Mrs Adebisi in shock of course. She spent the rest of the week with the friend's mother and father and the rest of the group of friends to get the funeral ready. I've pretty much just been holding down the fort. Had her five year old over a few times to play with my kids and have a sleepover so the grandma and grandpa could focus on dealing with this craziness.

I'm not very good with consoling people with words when something like this happens. I'll be there and listen. And I'll help out with anything that needs to be done. Just no words.

No good words anyways. Wish I could console with a meme.

Pressed F to pay respects this past Saturday.

Wife's feeling a bit better now. She finally got a full night's sleep Saturday night.
 
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Soygen

Soygen

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Adebisi said:
Nasty week last week my friends.

My wife's closest friend died suddenly on Wednesday morning (Sepsis from something related to Strep A), leaving behind a 5 year old daughter who at the time she was raising without help from the father. Mrs Adebisi in shock of course. She spent the rest of the week with the friend's mother and father and the rest of the group of friends to get the funeral ready. I've pretty much just been holding down the fort. Had her five year old over a few times to play with my kids and have a sleepover so the grandma and grandpa could focus on dealing with this craziness.

I'm not very good with consoling people with words when something like this happens. I'll be there and listen. And I'll help out with anything that needs to be done. Just no words.

No good words anyways. Wish I could console with a meme.

Pressed F to pay respects this past Saturday.

Wife's feeling a bit better now. She finally got a full night's sleep Saturday night.
Click to expand...
That's some heavy shit. Really sorry to hear that, bisi. There aren't really words for those situations. I'm also terrible at making "small talk consolation" in those types of situations. Much like in every other situation, I try my best to add levity and make people smile.
 
Khane

Khane

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You can start a new website. Memes for dead moms.
 
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Mrs. Gravy

Mrs. Gravy

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Bisi, I think that you listening and doing are both probably appreciated more than anything beyond a simple, "I am so sorry and I wish I could change this for you."

Damn, that is just heartbreaking.
 
Adebisi

Adebisi

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The father has made some bad choices the past couple years. He was drinking too much, not taking care of himself.

There's a temporary custody hearing on Friday. I've known this guy for a few years and I think he does have it in him to be a good father, but I'm not sure if that time is right now. Hopefully he can get his shit together and not do anything stupid and eventually be in a place where she can live with him again.

Until then the best place for her is with the grandparents.
 
Hoss

Hoss

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Adebisi said:
I'm not very good with consoling people with words when something like this happens.
Click to expand...

Nobody does. There's nothing to say other than "I'm so sorry" and hug them. emphasize the so.

Gallows humor is the highest form of humor and could help them heal, but you have to be sure they're ready for it. Don't do that shit too soon, just stick with "I'm SO sorry" if you're unsure.
 
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moonarchia

moonarchia

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Hoss said:
Nobody does. There's nothing to say other than "I'm so sorry" and hug them. emphasize the so.

Gallows humor is the highest form of humor and could help them heal, but you have to be sure they're ready for it. Don't do that shit too soon, just stick with "I'm SO sorry" if you're unsure.
Click to expand...

"I'm SO sorry... is this a bad time to show you Fedor's collection of trannies?"
 
Namon

Namon

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So yeah, shit got real in a hurry last night and it was during sex of all times. Wife and I have been on opposite ends of the libido spectrum since almost day 1. It's been a struggle but I've learned to deal with it and make the best of it, because the only option is to just throw everything away at this point (talked endlessly, and it's just a simple matter of being hard wired two different ways). So last night we get it on after going to bed, and I go down on her and give her the tongue ride of her life. She then flips me on my back, and goes through the motions of it is now my turn and gets to my junk, and her mouth completes one stroke, and she abruptly pulls up and says "I can't." Ok, whatever, she's not into Oral that much, she won't even let me tongue lash her all that often either, and so she starts to ride me. It's great, she's really turned on, and I was actually enjoying myself, but she gets a case of those strange spidey senses and stops and asks "What's wrong?"

Yeah I was bummed that I didn't get head, but it wasn't a show stopper, and so I replied "Nothing at all until you stopped riding me."

There was a moment of silence and then she goes "Your pissed because I didn't give you head, aren't you? I feel like you are never satisfied."

And there you have it... the personality trait of my wife that annoys me the most. She has this tendency of flipping things around on you like it's YOUR fault and YOU are in the wrong, and I pointed that out, and followed up with a "This is why I rarely talk about this stuff is because you either deflect, deny, or do this shit. It's pointless. I get it we are on opposite sides of the sex coin, not much can be done about it since you hold all the cards and choose not to play that often."

She then got all defensive that she was just expressing her feelings and that it was not an attack on me she was just trying to show me how she feels. Well ok great, but unless I'm an idiot, how she feels is a direct cause of actions I'm doing that she deems unacceptable and wrong. And it then turned into her telling me I'm guilty of turning it around as well on her by defending my actions and thoughts. It was bizarre from beginning to end, and a great example of why deep communication of subjects like this, where we are just so polarized, will never happen.

It's been beyond proven in this thread that discussion, good honest discussion is key, but dammit it's hard when everything you say can and will be used against you in the court of marriage. Thankfully, in my case, it's really only this one subject that is this bad.

And Bisi, not sure how you can, but dude you have made me laugh my ass off more times than I can count. Just be you dude, and lighten the mood during these dark times for your wife and her friend's loved ones, and you will be good.
 
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Deathwing

Deathwing

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Sounds like she's having sex to shut you up and feels put upon for having to do so. I can't think of any other explanation for "I can't" for something simple like head. I mean, unless you got some goblin Camerous dick.
 
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Khane

Khane

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By any chance have you sworn off soap and deodorant recently? I had a similar problem once...
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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I've known women (ones I was with and ones I wasn't) who were simply not into oral. And I've known (my current g/f is one of them) who doesn't like receiving but loves giving. Sometimes that shit just happens.
 
Big_w_powah

Big_w_powah

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Namon said:
So yeah, shit got real in a hurry last night and it was during sex of all times. Wife and I have been on opposite ends of the libido spectrum since almost day 1. It's been a struggle but I've learned to deal with it and make the best of it, because the only option is to just throw everything away at this point (talked endlessly, and it's just a simple matter of being hard wired two different ways). So last night we get it on after going to bed, and I go down on her and give her the tongue ride of her life. She then flips me on my back, and goes through the motions of it is now my turn and gets to my junk, and her mouth completes one stroke, and she abruptly pulls up and says "I can't." Ok, whatever, she's not into Oral that much, she won't even let me tongue lash her all that often either, and so she starts to ride me. It's great, she's really turned on, and I was actually enjoying myself, but she gets a case of those strange spidey senses and stops and asks "What's wrong?"

Yeah I was bummed that I didn't get head, but it wasn't a show stopper, and so I replied "Nothing at all until you stopped riding me."

There was a moment of silence and then she goes "Your pissed because I didn't give you head, aren't you? I feel like you are never satisfied."

And there you have it... the personality trait of my wife that annoys me the most. She has this tendency of flipping things around on you like it's YOUR fault and YOU are in the wrong, and I pointed that out, and followed up with a "This is why I rarely talk about this stuff is because you either deflect, deny, or do this shit. It's pointless. I get it we are on opposite sides of the sex coin, not much can be done about it since you hold all the cards and choose not to play that often."

She then got all defensive that she was just expressing her feelings and that it was not an attack on me she was just trying to show me how she feels. Well ok great, but unless I'm an idiot, how she feels is a direct cause of actions I'm doing that she deems unacceptable and wrong. And it then turned into her telling me I'm guilty of turning it around as well on her by defending my actions and thoughts. It was bizarre from beginning to end, and a great example of why deep communication of subjects like this, where we are just so polarized, will never happen.

It's been beyond proven in this thread that discussion, good honest discussion is key, but dammit it's hard when everything you say can and will be used against you in the court of marriage. Thankfully, in my case, it's really only this one subject that is this bad.

And Bisi, not sure how you can, but dude you have made me laugh my ass off more times than I can count. Just be you dude, and lighten the mood during these dark times for your wife and her friend's loved ones, and you will be good.
Click to expand...

Umm, why did you not just flip her over and start banging her harder than she could take?

Fuck, rookies.
 
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Namon

Namon

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Noodleface said:
Wasn't namon one of the dudes that had a supposed bang maid or am I confused
Click to expand...

That sure as shit was not me lol.

Nope I bathe, I deoderize, all of that is good.

Deathwing has nailed it, or that is my suspicion as well. I think last night was a "I'm trying just so I stop feeling guilty." Because I don't nag anymore, it's pointless. She just is not that into sex, and yeah, someone else said this too, even less so into oral (basically not at all). I never push the subject on oral. I just like to give as much as I like to get, so if she is up for that I'll take it as I love eating the pussy as much as banging it. And honestly I don't push on sex anymore either. I figure if she really wants to have it, she will let me know. Me being a bitch about it and throwing a fit when I don't get enough sex, is just me being a bitch. We've talked. She knows how much is my ideal, and it's nowhere close to her ideal, no need to bang her over the head about it constantly.

It was just bizarro world last night, and that's what struck me, because she was actually totally in the mood, and had she just jumped right on me and started fucking after eating her out, I would have thought nothing of it. It's happened before due to her not digging oral like I do, and it's cool. That's why her going apeshit over this perception that I was pouting was so out of nowhere. Because it was just another day in our bedroom as far as I was concerned.
 
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