Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Omi43221

Omi43221

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Kirun said:
This is where so many people go wrong in relationships. Thinking that you can "negotiate" desire. You can't. It's either genuine or it isn't. And if it isn't genuine, what the fuck is the point of the relationship? At that point it's just a bunch of pseudo trade deals.
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I actually totally agree with what you are saying but I don't think it has to be an all or nothing thing most of the time.
 
Big_w_powah

Big_w_powah

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Kirun said:
This is where so many people go wrong in relationships. Thinking that you can "negotiate" desire. You can't. It's either genuine or it isn't. And if it isn't genuine, what the fuck is the point of the relationship? At that point it's just a bunch of pseudo trade deals.
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I mean, yeah.

But sex is 1 part of a relationship. Desire comes and goes, ebbs and flows. We have to realize that our marriages are more than sex. But I think you hit it on the nose. See, a marriage won't always be passionate, sweaty, change the sheets fucking. This everyone knows. Your partner should be your best friend. You should go to movies and dinner and shows. Eventually the desire will come back, or it wont; But a concession of providing pleasure isn't a psuedo trade deal, its just how marriage goes.
 
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Namon

Namon

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Kirun said:
This is where so many people go wrong in relationships. Thinking that you can "negotiate" desire. You can't. It's either genuine or it isn't. And if it isn't genuine, what the fuck is the point of the relationship? At that point it's just a bunch of pseudo trade deals.
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You can't negotiate it on strict terms, no, but seriously the chances of you finding someone 100% or even 75% or even 60% sexually compatible with you AND keeping it at that same level for decades of marriage are next to nil. People change as they age, grow wiser, reproductive organs change and/or fail, and how someone's hornyness is today could be completely different in 5 or 10 years. Besides, even as a 100% horny all the time person, seriously even to me, sex is not the only thing to the relationship I have built to my wife. It's my favorite thing, sure, but not so much so, that I'm willing to throw all the other things out just because she doesn't want to make my dick wet as often as I'd like.

With that said, I have found that renovations are a true litmus test to the strength of your relationship. We have converted our garage into a commercial kitchen, and that involved moving what we had in our old kitchen into it, and let me tell you, it has been probably the most stressful things I have ever undergone, and that includes building the house outright. Still going strong, I guess having a united front in wanting to kill our contractor is a huge reason why, but our marriage will survive it at least.
 
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Khane

Khane

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Yea. Marriage is a contract, which makes anybody who's married a contractor and everyone knows contractors are the worst.

Marriage

Pros:
You're suddenly better than single people

Cons:
You're married
 
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Leadsalad

Leadsalad

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We can fix that last one, paging Noodles' e-stalker. We know he has pictures from the bushes of the event.
 
Crone

Crone

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Noodleface said:
Retired postal carrier
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Have you felt any added strain because you are now the sole earner? Your entire life style and well being now rests on your shoulders. It has for me, and has added some strain when I want to buy something and the wife doesn't agree. Being truthful, I'd say there isn't resentment, because my wife hardly ever goes and spends money on herself, but if that changed I could easily see some problems happening.
 
Big_w_powah

Big_w_powah

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Crone said:
Have you felt any added strain because you are now the sole earner? Your entire life style and well being now rests on your shoulders. It has for me, and has added some strain when I want to buy something and the wife doesn't agree. Being truthful, I'd say there isn't resentment, because my wife hardly ever goes and spends money on herself, but if that changed I could easily see some problems happening.
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This is really all budgeting..
 
Prodigal

Prodigal

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Big_w_powah said:
Isn't Noodlebros wife a stay at home Mom and demon gateway?
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Hellgate:Boston

Seriously though, damn good discussion about marriage and expectations - I'd point my teenage kids to it if I wasn't concerned the rest of the forum might scar them for life.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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Crone said:
Have you felt any added strain because you are now the sole earner? Your entire life style and well being now rests on your shoulders. It has for me, and has added some strain when I want to buy something and the wife doesn't agree. Being truthful, I'd say there isn't resentment, because my wife hardly ever goes and spends money on herself, but if that changed I could easily see some problems happening.
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Well, she quit working over 2 years ago. I made less at the time, and her income helped us a lot when we first bought the house. If we had her income now we'd obviously in better shape financially, but we've never really been in bad shape. If anything, I've felt more desire now that move up in terms of income. There is some added stress that everything on my back, however it's always been present because she made much less than me anyways. She also worked like a dog (60 hour weeks, walking all day), so she's no longer a 100 pound ball of muscle that - it was like fucking a tiny Olympian.

We have times when money gets low and times when it goes high, sort of ebb and flow.

I sometimes get salty when she says I can't buy something that I didn't plan for, but I do know she means well. I use a credit card for dumb purchases - I don't need my wife going through and criticizing stuff like if I went to McDonald's once or whatever but that's just a way I damage control it.
 
Crone

Crone

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Noodleface said:
Well, she quit working over 2 years ago. I made less at the time, and her income helped us a lot when we first bought the house. If we had her income now we'd obviously in better shape financially, but we've never really been in bad shape. If anything, I've felt more desire now that move up in terms of income. There is some added stress that everything on my back, however it's always been present because she made much less than me anyways. She also worked like a dog (60 hour weeks, walking all day), so she's no longer a 100 pound ball of muscle that - it was like fucking a tiny Olympian.

We have times when money gets low and times when it goes high, sort of ebb and flow.

I sometimes get salty when she says I can't buy something that I didn't plan for, but I do know she means well. I use a credit card for dumb purchases - I don't need my wife going through and criticizing stuff like if I went to McDonald's once or whatever but that's just a way I damage control it.
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Hey, I have a CC the wife never looks at either! Perfect!

And yea, a budget would alleviate some stress for sure. But the impulse buys, as noodle said, sometimes are annoying but in the end you know it was for the better. Didn't need whatever junk you were trying to buy.
 
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