Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Cutlery said:

It does sound like that! Unforunately Love and Like can be 2 completely seperate concepts and are not required to overlap.



This is basically it. She has so far been very conciliatory on wanting to make sure everything is fair and equal. I just let her know that me losing the house would sour that arrangement and make it less productive. If she thinks she's making me happy and in the process it gives her the peace of mind of knowing she might be able to come back, then great. I mean, it's not like it's ever going to be in writing anywhere that I HAVE to take her back, so what the fuck do I care what she thinks? It's possible that my life is in such a state that I'd let her come back as long as she agreed to up her fucking game. But it's also possible I'll be balls deep in several other prospects at the time and not really see the point. I lose nothing from this.




You know, it's kinda funny, I thought about this the other day, and I've never yelled at any of my other relationships. I've gone entire adult sexual relationships with people without them ever hearing me raise my voice, from beginning to "you need to never talk to me again" after some of the craziest shit I've ever heard.

But you know what? I reserve the right to yell at people who think this is what an office looks like. And I'm not gonna feel bad about it one fucking bit.View attachment 161877

If I ask you on Sunday to clean up some shit this week, and by Wednesday you've done nothing, I'll remind you that things need to be done. And if by the following Sunday, nothing has been done, I'll say that I'm disappointed that I can't get a simple task out of her and ask it again. And then when Sunday rolls around again and not a fucking thing has been done - well, sorry, but you're getting yelled at because you need to step up your fucking game at life.

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Tarrant said:

He’s not letting her just think that, it’s his damn plan.

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Big Phoenix said:

Why in gods name would you have children with an open relationship?

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Cutlery said:

Well, I'm as reasonably certain as I can be about it. I often came home early at irregular times. If she has been cheating for years, she got really goddamned lucky with me coming home at random times between midnight and 3 a couple of random days a week. I don't buy it, nobody gets that lucky for that long. I really just think she got used to being able to do what she wanted when I wasn't around, instead of me holding her accountable for shit like I do now. Reason #2, our bedroom is literally full of her clothes and shit because she can't be bothered to keep a clean house (or hell, a clean room for that matter). No dude is getting involved with that. Reason #3, we have kids, and I've never heard a word from any of them on it. If my wife is here at night and there's never been anyone over here, then she's not cheating on me, it's deeper than that.

We had an open relationship for many years, and I had several women on the side. Our agreement was that sex between other people doesn't matter as long as we're safe, everyone is informed about the situation and can make their own choices, and we are always open and honest about the whole thing. We also agreed that we have a partnership raising the girls and owning the house and that would not go away. We would stay married and continue to operate as such.

Things went fine on my end. I'm not going to say I handled myself perfectly at all times, I definitely made mistakes, but when I got called out on them, I corrected my behavior (and my side action's behavior) or I ended things with them. She never expressed any interest in doing it because she didn't think she could handle it. This summer she finally got enough people telling her that I was just exploiting her (i was not) and that she should have some side action too. She immediately matched with a 99% match on OKC and hit things off with this dude. I know for a fact it was the first time they met due to me reading their conversations and helping her phrase things to not lead him on. She also immediately began handling her feelings completely and totally inappropriately and became WAY too attached to this guy right off the bat, and I knew we were headed for trouble. He's better looking than me, makes more money, lives in a bigger house. No bueno for the husband, women will swing to the next branch whenever it's available, and that's what she did.



That's essentially where we're at. Her new dude is a guy who was married for like 20 years and only got sex twice a year. Not only that, but when she was finished, she told him to go finish himself off in the other room. This guy also did all the cooking and cleaning and managing of the household and money and basically let this degenerate cunt of a woman mooch off of him for 20 years. Whereas, I hold my wife accountable for her dumbfuck behaviors, and I tell her she needs to contribute to the household and be responsible. She doesn't like me doing that, because she's always got a headache, or her back hurts, or her ovary hurts, or she didn't get any sleep or whatever. So I'm sure she sees the new guy as a way for her to continue her lifestyle of being a complete piece of irresponsible shit without any backtalk. And hell, she knows she doesn't even have to put out!

Okay, well, good luck with the pencil dick guy. We debated selling the house, she doesn't want the house because she associates it with us (read as "I'm just gonna move in with Joe anyway, so I don't need the house). I told her that I like the house and am still on the plan of retiring here, but I would sell it if she wanted me to. However, me selling the house means that under absolutely no circumstances would I ever be open to any type of reconciliation at any point down the road, because you made me lose my house, so we're fucking done.

She is a product of a divorced family and really missed out on seeing her dad, so she feels it's very important for the girls to have a relationship with me that's more than once every other weekend. I honestly think in the way she's wording it that she wants the kids to basically spend all their waking hours at my place and then she will take them home to sleep at hers. This is because i start work too early in the morning to get them to school, so they can't possibly spend the night at mine. This too lends credence to my theory that she just wants to continue being irresponsible and doesn't want the kids in the way either.

She makes more than double what I do. Alimony will be a non starter. She ran up sizable debt that she hid from me for years, and when it finally came to a head, I paid it off under the condition that I control the finances and give her a fucking allowance since she's not smart enough to manage her money. She is going to tap out her 401k to pay off the debt before she goes, that plan has actually been in the works for awhile now.

And the sad thing is that even as I type all of this bullshit she put me thru, if she comes home today and says "I made a mistake, can we work things out?" I'd take her back, simply so my children's lives can be easier and less complicated.

I firmly believe she fell hard for Joe, thinks the grass is going to be greener on the other side, and then started making shit up to justify it. I've had anger and depression problems for years, and I had another bout of that this summer. I addressed both issues, got on some drugs, got some psychiatric help to unpack some of the bullshit from my childhood and figure out why I am the way I am. Once I did all of that and leveled out my mood and my attitude, I started asking her to fix some of her flaws too, like the fact that 3 rooms of my house are literally full top to bottom with her shit that she refuses to move. One of those I asked her 2 years ago to clean up so I could get set up a workout room so I could get back to being healthy instead of having chronic back problems. She did nothing. Always an excuse. And when I would get frustrated with her to the point of finally yelling at her for it again, that's when she started with the "I'm scared of you," bullshit. Really? I've been yelling at you for 20 years, why are you suddenly scared now? Because it's convenient, that's why. So now she breaks down in tears every time I start to hold her accountable and runs away. And when I tell her that her problems are not going to be solved by running away, she claims she doesn't feel safe in this house and has to go.

It's bullshit top to bottom. She's a fucking train wreck and a pain in my ass and I SHOULD be glad she's gone. But i'm not. She's my wife, we've been thru a fucking helluva lot together. We had a year where we didn't even make $19,000 AND we had a child. We've been thru miscarriages and deaths and major health scares and it's always been just the two of us. There's never been any other options. Now she's unilaterally decided that she doesn't like that I'm improving myself for her and wanting her to do the same, so she's taking the easy way out of finding some other 3 inch dicked motherfucker to take care of her and kiss her ass and treat her like a princess. I kinda feel bad for Joe.

The good news is that due to me having an open relationship, there's literally a waiting list of girls who are more than happy to prove how much better they are than my wife. And I welcome the attempts.

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Cutlery said:

... That was when I first gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back.

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Cutlery said:

To be fair, I was tricked. She moved in with me pretty quickly, and didn't bring a lot. It wasn't until her mom sold her townhouse that she called and said "Hey, are you gonna come get all the shit out of your room?" That was when I first gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back.

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Cutlery said:

The kids preceded it. And as it turns out, it works out fine with ground rules. It does not work out fine when one party is completely inappropriate with their emotional attachment. We call this party "Women."

However, uhh, yeah, open relationships are shit. Every single one I know of has ended up ruining what was otherwise a good thing. To be fair, my wife's life was awesome when I was banging other girls. I'd take care of everything around the house, then head out for the night or for the weekend, come back and fuck her brains out and then build her a greenhouse or something. She loved it, I loved it, it was fucking great. However, with her, she thinks she gets to spend every other weekend with some other douchebag while my house looks like that. Uhh, no, complete non starter. You need to step up your game at home, because this is how this works. She disagreed, and I'm a dick. Whatever.



The biggest problem for me so far has been the fact that I left home the day I turned 18, and haven't talked to my parents or any of the rest of my family in a long, long time. Most of them are just wretched people, my parents are complete assholes, and my life is better off without any of them. So unfortunately, the only family I really have now is my wife, and she's been my family for just as long as my parents were my family. So now I'm kinda stuck reliving this whole thing again, losing my family all over again. It does make you question if you're really the problem. I was a straight A student and kicked academic ass in high school and never pleased my parents. I could never figure out what the fuck they wanted from me. It's kinda the same here too - I don't know how much more patient I can be, I don't know how much more ass I can kick around the house. I worked my fucking ass off to put her thru school, I've corrected every one of her fuckups in life, what the fuck more do I have to do?

She came home a few hours ago, and it's still such a sick dichotomy we've got going on. We truly are best friends, we have a lot of fun together, but her behaviors drive me insane and she doesn't want to be the cause of that, so we are both in agreement that she's gotta fucking go. Maybe not ex's...maybe we'll just be side action from now on. Get together, have some fun, fuck, and then she goes home to the mess in her house, and I sleep in my clean house and refocus my life.

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Noodleface said:

I got tricked too sort of .Her room at her parents was messy but pretty confined. Her mother keeps a lot of shit though and much later I found rooms that were deplorable. I figured it'd calm down when we bought a house but it did not

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