Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Cutlery said:

I like you bro, we've had a lot of good discussions over the years, but you're making way too many assumptions here.

She has always been number one. Always. Side action is side action. Furthermore, the open relationship was her idea. Due to the childhood I had, she wanted me to form more relationships with people. She finds the thought of me banging other women hot and it's lead to threesomes along the way. She just never felt the need to look for anyone else until all her friends convinced her that she was somehow being exploited when she was finding other girls for me to bang. (Lol)


So yeah dude, you're pretty far off base. Don't infer shit that isn't there and assume what's going on from bits and pieces.

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I am going to make an observation about women in general. They don't want to share their partners' anything with anyone else. Time, attention, affection, resources; you name it and women want it with their partner and for their family. The problem is that they are usually high in agreeableness AND think that they can change people over time so what ends up happening is that they tell you something that you want to hear and may even believe it at the time (i.e. - I want to wait 5 years to have kids, I don't care where we live as long as we are together, the thought of you banging other girls turns me on) but one that their lizard brain fully intends to reverse once the relationship is their major source of security and stability. We men are often told that we ignore these signs when, in actuality, our brains do not see the signs or interpret them that way because it just isn't the way we reason.

I say all that to say this: I don't think your woman's friends are the ones that suddenly made her realize that she had the short end of this relationship stick. It sounds more like her natural feelings of safety/security have been constantly diminished with every outside fling simply due to the fact that her lizard brain doesn't really see you as ever being fully committed. I mean, if you are willing to bang them then logically you could leave her and your offspring to be with one. Never mind the fact that she encouraged it since, in her mind, you could prove your commitment at any time by telling her that you would stop and never do it again. Now she found a guy that is telling her the things that she wanted to hear from you the entire time but probably told you over and over that she didn't need to hear.

I may be totally off base with you specifically but honestly you could put me and my wife or about half of other couples in the statements above and they would probably still peg some problem with a marriage because it really seems like a lack of true communication in most instances. I mean the kind of talk that you have to be ready to hear shit you never wanted to hear and then figure out how to move past it when what you really want to do is fucking rage and then say something horrible back to the person who just laid it on you. Luckily for me and my wife things came to a head and we went to a councilor who was able to really get us talking about real feelings instead of just surface level keep-the-peace ones.

On a slightly lighter note, maybe try hate-cleaning her office?