Marriage and the Power of Divorce

moonarchia · Mar 5, 2018

Adebisi said:
Variations of that statement. She says she's just not happy, which I can confirm she's been pretty miserable half the time.

I'm getting the ole it's not you it's me.

In this case it is her. So let her do her thing, and CYA. Get the lawyer ready to go, and focus more on the kids.

Adebisi · Mar 5, 2018

*reading*

Marriage Separation in Canada

Ome · Mar 5, 2018

If you still love her try taking her out for the weekend. Somewhere nice and just tell her how you feel about her.

While the situation seems dire it might be that your wife deep down hopes you will fight for what you guys have. Either way you got nothing to lose in trying at this point.

Adebisi · Mar 5, 2018

Yeeeah I don't think so. She obviously needs some space here. Cornering her will just make things worse and she'll shut down.

She knows where I stand. I'm focused on the kids right now.

Mrs. Gravy · Mar 5, 2018

I am sorry that you and your family are going through this.
People can be changed through grief and the depression and anxiety it brings. (looks in the mirror) They question everything and see short term solutions as the answer...some of us come through that and some of us don't.
Damn, Bisi...really sorry for your struggle.

lurkingdirk · Mar 5, 2018

Is therapy an option? Could be super good for the two of you, and even better for her if she's still mourning a death.

Noodleface · Mar 5, 2018

Sorry dude.

Gonna ask the hard question - any infidelity on either party? Any suspected infidelity?

I get being depressed over a loss, but I have a hard time reconciling that some people would throw their whole life away over one .

Lendarios · Mar 5, 2018

@Cutlery have you thought of removing the open relationship from your future? Or is it one of those things that u must have on your future relationships?

Adebisi · Mar 5, 2018

Noodleface said:
Sorry dude.

Gonna ask the hard question - any infidelity on either party? Any suspected infidelity?

I get being depressed over a loss, but I have a hard time reconciling that some people would throw their whole life away over one .

Not in my end, and as far as I know nothing on her end, or at least nothing to make me suspicious.

Namon · Mar 6, 2018

Noodleface said:
Sorry dude.

Gonna ask the hard question - any infidelity on either party? Any suspected infidelity?

I get being depressed over a loss, but I have a hard time reconciling that some people would throw their whole life away over one .

Traumatic events can change people though. I think in this case, if it were due to an illness and not a freak accident, you start to question your mortality and place in life. It absolutely sucks though either way.

On my marriage front, my wife has this "I can never be down" attitude. When she's sick she tries to power through it like she is some brave hero fighting through an inferno to save puppies. I roll my eyes but ultimately it's her fault for staying sick so long. But, over a week ago, she sprained her ankle in epic fashion. She has ZERO tolerance for pain and so the first 24 hours were hell dealing with her sobbing ass and trying to help her move around. We were having a big family gathering at our house that I had insisted she cancel, but of course that would be an affront to her senses, so of course she continues with the plans. Obviously, it was too much and she regretted it the next day, but thankfully at this point she is really progressing. I still could have killed her though. Why is it considered a crime to just lay out and heal/get better? I will never understand that.

Mrs. Gravy · Mar 6, 2018

Noodleface said:
Sorry dude.

Gonna ask the hard question - any infidelity on either party? Any suspected infidelity?

I get being depressed over a loss, but I have a hard time reconciling that some people would throw their whole life away over one .

Grief is a weird actor, Noodle. People do all kinds of things that others would view as out of the ordinary (whatever the fuck that is).

Cad · Mar 6, 2018

Lendarios said:
@Cutlery have you thought of removing the open relationship from your future? Or is it one of those things that u must have on your future relationships?

I don’t think an open relationship is a problem per se, but I think an open relationship will fracture a weak relationship and point out the insecurities/problems in the relationship. I don’t think there’d be much issue if the relationship were strong and tight. If the relationship is weak already then the jealousy will be magnified by the relationship being open.

ToeMissile · Mar 6, 2018

Namon said:
Traumatic events can change people though. I think in this case, if it were due to an illness and not a freak accident, you start to question your mortality and place in life. It absolutely sucks though either way.

On my marriage front, my wife has this "I can never be down" attitude. When she's sick she tries to power through it like she is some brave hero fighting through an inferno to save puppies. I roll my eyes but ultimately it's her fault for staying sick so long. But, over a week ago, she sprained her ankle in epic fashion. She has ZERO tolerance for pain and so the first 24 hours were hell dealing with her sobbing ass and trying to help her move around. We were having a big family gathering at our house that I had insisted she cancel, but of course that would be an affront to her senses, so of course she continues with the plans. Obviously, it was too much and she regretted it the next day, but thankfully at this point she is really progressing. I still could have killed her though. Why is it considered a crime to just lay out and heal/get better? I will never understand that.

My wife is similar except she has a pretty high tolerance for pain. She's had some wrist/hand issues before and after our daughter (13 months, 27lbs?). I have to always keep an eye out so she doesn't try to lift stuff that's too heavy.

Conefed · Mar 6, 2018

In what order:

A) Secure funds
B) Secure sleeping/storage/living arrangements
C) Secure lawyer

?

thanks,

Conefed · Mar 6, 2018

ToeMissile said:
My wife is similar except she has a pretty high tolerance for pain. She's had some wrist/hand issues before and after our daughter (13 months, 27lbs?). I have to always keep an eye out so she doesn't try to lift stuff that's too heavy.

Jesus... this reminds me of my 5'1" mother back in my hs/college days, she could unload a moving truck by herself - I don't know how she would do it. She was appropriately weak in person, but when I headed out or played a game for awhile and then returned ... htf did you move and position that? And in that 'short' of time??

Khane · Mar 6, 2018

I hate to be the one to tell you this Conefed but... there was a reason all that stuff got moved when dad wasn't home. And it wasn't 'cuz momma was strong.

Deebo · Mar 7, 2018

I finally filed for divorce on Monday. I am doing it on my own right now. I brought the wrong paper work, so I went over to the law library and filled out the correct forms and printed them, made copies and was good to to $263 dollars later. I am planning to have the sheriff serve her at work, hopefully Friday. I have no idea how shes going to take it when she actually gets served and reality hits her even harder.

Noodleface · Mar 7, 2018

Getting served at work kind of feels shitty

I don't remember if she was a bitch

Tarrant · Mar 8, 2018

FoH and I apparently are still on separate cycles. Things were great for so many when I got divorced. Now people are splitting and I'm doing great relationship wise. Shits weird.

Adebisi you have the perfect outlook on things at the moment. No sense in putting a ton of effort and trying to convince someone to stick around who doesn't want too. No one should have to do that, no matter who you are. Also kudos to you for putting the kids first. Have they caught on to the separate living arrangements with you in the basement? What have you told them?

My first marriage spiraled out of control after her good friend died too, I'm sure I didn't help things much either but that stuff does have major impacts for sure. I hope you two are able to work it out and if not, I hope you and the kids come out of it strong.

Deebo · Mar 8, 2018

Noodleface said:
Getting served at work kind of feels shitty

I don't remember if she was a bitch

I didn't want her to end up getting served while she was home with the kids just incase she does get emotional or angry or whatever. I didn't want her to not be there when the sheriff showed up. I know she will be at work.

And yeah, she deserves getting served at work.

Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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