Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Phazael · Aug 28, 2018

Noodleface said:
Both are impossible. Can't put the PC in the living room because of the small kids, can't use the TV in my office because previously documented evidence of my office being destroyed by her.

Well here is your answer. Basically, make cleaning the god damn office (and locking it from everyone else in the home) mandatory before you budge an inch. I know you love your wife, but she is by your own words a stay at home princess wife who lets the house go to hell. She has no leg to stand on to bitch at what you do with your personal time, if you are loyal and meeting all your other commitments. Continue reclaiming your balls, man.

Phazael · Aug 28, 2018

First Verse is relevant here.

Volto! · Aug 28, 2018

Just going to add my two cents and agree with the general sentiment in regards to the info you have shared, noodle: your wife sounds unhappy. This issue is bigger than your raiding schedule.

Ryoz I know what you’re going through. My kid turns four months today so we’re in the same boat as far as the timeline of our wives are concerned. My wife and I expected her to get crazy horny during her pregnancy and we were sadly disappointed when the opposite happened. She’s more or less back to her normal self now, but it’s tough not being able to have sex, and then being cleared medically and having her not be in the mood for it. My best advice is twofold: 1) Don’t stop communicating with her honestly about what this is all like for you, and allow her to do he same. You two being on the same page will always help ease the current situation. 2) Masturbate. No idea where you stand on this but if you’re not taking care of yourself as much as you can/need to, then you should start. It’s not ideal, nor is a replacement for sex, but at least it’ll help you not go completely crazy.

matsb84 · Aug 28, 2018

Noodleface said:
I have asked her what the deal is and she always mentions I spend more time in there than with her. It's a patently false statement on her part. I raid on a set schedule of 9:30PM to 1:30AM on Tues/Thursday. With her going to bed at 11:00 I'm roughly robbing her of 3 hours a week. Granted, a new expansion dropped and I told her beforehand I needed to play a lot more for a few weeks to be ready and then the schedule would dip again.

It wouldn't bother me if it wasn't constant. Literally every time I go in there she say something nasty and it grates on me. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here at all, but maybe I am. Maybe I'm supposed to just sit there watching crap TV talking about my day for 7 hours a night.

Talk to her. Get on the same page about what the actual issue is. You can start the conversation by saying how much it bothers you when she makes these snide comments. I tend to agree its not the gaming, its something else. Whatever it is, she sounds fucking miserable. She spends all day at home with the kids right? What does she do to decompress, what are her hobbies, what does she like to do (outside of watching trash tv)? Is it that she wants more time with you specifically? Whatd yall do together before kids during down time? Things to think about. And I'm not suggesting for you to sit there and suck it up, watch trash tv for hours on end. No. I'm suggesting you find an alternative that makes you both happy and corrects whats currently causing issues. There is a happy medium, but it might take some work to find it.

I'd also suggest to not bottle shit up. If she's done something to bug you, tell her. As your spouse (this applies to you too), someone who, in theory, should love you unconditionally, she should hear out your concerns and help to correct the situation, but she cannot do that unless you tell her as much. And it works the same for you and her concerns. She shouldn't be holding stuff in. It builds resentment. Something small and innocuous can quickly become a major fucking issue when you just let shit go for a while. It tells the other person its OK to do, there are no boundaries or expectations set, because no ones opposed whatever behavior is causing an issue. So dont hold onto things. Talk to her, find the issue, work with her to correct it.

Phazael · Aug 28, 2018

Shes Latina and angry and is emulating her mother who beat the manhood out of Noodle's father in law. She is basically a little princess who lets the house go to hell and stand by her shitbird relatives while riding noodles ass about house chores and his free time. These are his accounts, btw. She is basically a lump and while that's ok if Noodle does not care, she is actually actively making things worse for him. And the one time he found his balls and stood up to her she got in line immediately, which is why that's the only way this is going to get solved for him. Or him handing his balls over and becoming his father in law.

Its all in this thread, but him standing up to her is a few pages back. I like Noodle and know he is trying to do the right thing, but this woman is never going to change on her own into some magical equal partner unless he stand up to her (and indirectly her mother) to set some ground rules. The course he is presently on will see her letting the house deteriorate and kids run around like maniacs, with her talking shit to her relatives about him (which you know this is going on if she is doing it to his face) constantly, slowly eroding his self esteem over time. Then, once the kids are out of the house for college/life, she will keep doing nothing and Noodle will either pay her half his life's toil to be rid of her or go full Cobain at some point to escape the torture. Best case scenario is he hits the Fuck it Button and runs off with Lindz once she gets tired of her husband making her fuck other guys for him to jerk off to, since she is nice and lives up the street from him essentially. Either way, he has to get her in line or he is going to reach Mist levels of misery at this rate. I hope he opts to take control of his life again.

Big Phoenix · Aug 28, 2018

Being single ain't so bad.

moonarchia · Aug 28, 2018

Noodleface said:
I have asked her what the deal is and she always mentions I spend more time in there than with her. It's a patently false statement on her part. I raid on a set schedule of 9:30PM to 1:30AM on Tues/Thursday. With her going to bed at 11:00 I'm roughly robbing her of 3 hours a week. Granted, a new expansion dropped and I told her beforehand I needed to play a lot more for a few weeks to be ready and then the schedule would dip again.

It wouldn't bother me if it wasn't constant. Literally every time I go in there she say something nasty and it grates on me. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here at all, but maybe I am. Maybe I'm supposed to just sit there watching crap TV talking about my day for 7 hours a night.

Just ask her if the house is clean yet next time she gets snarky. And every time after that. Use the exact same tone she is using on you. It will either escalate and she will murder you, or she will get the hint and knock the shit off.

Option 2. Tell her you love her, but she can go fuck herself if she wants to talk shit like that. You enjoy WOW responsibly. You hold up your part of the relationship and household duties and then some. You can't make her happy, only she can. That's her responsibility, not yours. Tell her to make a list of things she wants to do with you that WOW is interfering with. If she can't name anything, tell her to cut the crap until she can.

alavaz · Aug 28, 2018

I'd fight with my wife about it. I also wouldn't compromise but we're also 11 years in so I'm fairly sure my risk of divorce over just games is small. It would have to be a different issue, which would hopefully be smoked out during the fight.

Omi43221 · Aug 28, 2018

Blazin said:
My 70 yr old parents have this exact same dynamic. My dad plays ARMA at night and he can spend the entire day with my mom but the moment he goes down to play it bothers her.

I think it's rooted in a jealously of one partner having a hobby they really enjoy where the other does not. It's why it will never work to say , "what do you want to do instead?" Your wife is upset because you are happy playing. This likely means there are important issues you need to deal with in regards to her fulfillment. I would not try to "fix" this problem by adjusting your gaming or giving it up, it will simply manifest itself with whatever you would choose to do if you had something you liked and looked forward to doing that didn't involve your partner.

I don't think it is some innate jealousy or hatred. There is just some intrinsic difference between men and women on this one. I can't quite put my finger on it. My girlfriend is a straight up legit gamer. She has her own clan , they raid. I wouldn't dream of interrupting her in the middle of that. The second I'm in the middle of an intense encounter on my xbox she just has to share something funny she saw on Facebook with me. I don't know what it is exactly, I have tried to talk to her about it. She recognizes that she does it, but she still does it on occasion.

Just want to state, I think my girlfriend is a wonderful person. It baffles me why this happens.

It's almost like they are testing you....hmmm..will have to think about that.

Lendarios · Aug 29, 2018

Noodleface Does she watches tv?

Tell her that TV, its her hobby, playing PC games its yours.

"Baby do you like watching TV" "I like playing PC games, I don't watch TV". Are you going to stop watching TV? Well I'm not going to stop playing games. It keeps me entertained and happy, you are more than welcome to join me and play games together.

also maybe tone down the hours. Stop about midnight as a compromise to her. 2.5 hours sounds good enough, now if the game requires you to spend more than that, maybe consider its not the right game/ right schedule and make the adjustments.

Its ok to be a filthy casual man =).

Regarding this now that I'm back on my eq train, being a casual raider/ grouper is awesome.

Noodleface · Aug 29, 2018

1. Her family is not latino, lol. I think you've said this before and I find it humorous. They're about as white as can be.

2. My kids don't run around like animals, thankfully. They're good kids.

3. She definitely talks crap to her mom about me. "I told my mom blah blah blah" oh that's cool.

I'm taking this all in but last couple nights were a bit rougher to reevaluating things.

Lendarios · Aug 29, 2018

PS wife is finally going to start working after 10 years of not working and only going to school

Part time job teaching, from 6PM to 10PM. 6 moths temporary gig.

fuck yeah!!

Soygen · Aug 29, 2018

Noodle needs his wife on that schedule. Prime raiding hours.

Phazael · Aug 29, 2018

Noodleface said:
1. Her family is not latino, lol. I think you've said this before and I find it humorous. They're about as white as can be.

2. My kids don't run around like animals, thankfully. They're good kids.

3. She definitely talks crap to her mom about me. "I told my mom blah blah blah" oh that's cool.

I'm taking this all in but last couple nights were a bit rougher to reevaluating things.

Sorry about #1, must have mixed you up with another poster there, but her family sounds like a lot of townie Latinos i know. But id bet money the kids are not getting proper discipline when you are not around, especially while she is busy griping to her mom about you. Advice still stands. Lay down the law and take back your balls and life. The earlier you have this fight, the better it is for your marriage.

Springbok · Aug 29, 2018

Soygen said:
You know I love you Noodle, but based on your posting history here, I cannot stand your wife. I wish I could give you helpful advice, but I would simply never put up with someone who is so petty about shit, so my solution to your problems is not one you're likely going to use. I can only hope my opinion is just skewed from you sharing more of the bad than the good.

Ya I'm not going to parachute in to dump on somebody else's wife, but your schedule and game-time doesn't seem unreasonable to me.... If anything it appears you are making sacrifices to accommodate her and the kids (as it should be). The truth is, and it's a truth several of my friends are coming to terms with as well, is you probably just married the wrong gal. Happens, but not sure what your path forward looks like as I don't believe you quitting WOW is going to make her happy, and will make you resentful and unhappy in the process.

Springbok · Aug 29, 2018

Big Phoenix said:
Being single ain't so bad.

The people that hate being single are doing it wrong. Being single is fucking awesome. Marriage is and can be as well, but imagine getting married at 20 and never living life as a single young bro (even for a little bit).

Big_w_powah · Aug 29, 2018

Springbok said:
The people that hate being single are doing it wrong. Being single is fucking awesome. Marriage is and can be as well, but imagine getting married at 20 and never living life as a single young bro (even for a little bit).

I did this. I don't regret it at all. But my wife is pretty fucking awesome.

Tarrant · Aug 29, 2018

Noodleface ...man, have you just thought about....I dunno, hitting her? Just once at like 50%?

Joking of course....kinda.

My ex wife used to crash down on me for gaming at night and finally I told her, "Look, go to work and talk to your lady friends and tell them you get mad because your husband stays in every friday night, doesn't drink, and plays a video game and then comes to bed quietly without waking you up. Let them know how much this irritates you and then guage their responses and see what their husbands are doing."

Granted, all her gal pals husbands were drunks or were out playing poker till 4am, and your wife doesn't work if I recall right...so maybe this cant work for you.

I can't ever imagine crashing down on a spouse because they have a hobby they enjoy a few nights a week.

Noodleface · Aug 29, 2018

Thanks for the advice guys, taking it all in.

Sadly I'm really tired and read that as "all her gal pals husbands were druids" and got irrationally angry for a minute

alavaz · Aug 29, 2018

Tarrant said:
Noodleface ...man, have you just thought about....I dunno, hitting her? Just once at like 50%?

Joking of course....kinda.

My ex wife used to crash down on me for gaming at night and finally I told her, "Look, go to work and talk to your lady friends and tell them you get mad because your husband stays in every friday night, doesn't drink, and plays a video game and then comes to bed quietly without waking you up. Let them know how much this irritates you and then guage their responses and see what their husbands are doing."

Granted, all her gal pals husbands were drunks or were out playing poker till 4am, and your wife doesn't work if I recall right...so maybe this cant work for you.

I can't ever imagine crashing down on a spouse because they have a hobby they enjoy a few nights a week.

She might hit back.. with a frying pan. There's a few in the sink for easy access.

Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard

Lord Nagafen Raider

Silver Knight of the Realm

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard

Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer

The Scientific Shitlord

Trakanon Raider

Trakanon Raider

Trump's Staff

A Mod Real Quick

Trump's Staff

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard

Karen

Karen

Trakanon Raider

A Mod Real Quick

Trakanon Raider