Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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It's not for everyone, there's value in renting too - especially if you're single. I wouldn't want to raise my kids in an apartment, but if I didn't have kids that's exactly where I'd want to be.
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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I agree that in an honest healthy marriage this amounts to lying and is a red flag. But what exactly is a stay at home lump of a wife who makes you bust your ass on your vacation, won't let you spend your own fucking money on a new guitar, and can't really keep the house in order? I might be way off base here, but my gut tells me you know its past the point of dead already and have resigned yourself into riding it out for the duration, maybe because you refuse to confront her or maybe because there are now kids in the mix. Its your business, but from what you have told us over the long life of this thread it sure seems as though you have just surrendered pretty much. Again, your choice, but if you are just going to give up you may as well try and find a few moments of respite in there. And besides, I am pretty sure you implied that she has bullshitted you on more than one occasion to get her way, but I am too lazy to go digging through this thread to find specific instances. You don't really have a partner, more like a grown up teenager who stays at your house and occasionally bangs you who might sometimes do a random house chore once in a while. You sure as shit do not own her your vacation time.
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Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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I rented my whole life prior to getting married. And now that I am one of those dickbags who moved from CA to Texas, everything is paid off. Feels pretty fucking good to have zero debt of any kind and own a house prior to age 50. And I live with the certainty that some asshole landlord is not going to randomly boot me or jack my rent. Its amazing how much cheaper it is to live if you manage to not own the banks anything and don't live in California.
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Depends, if she asks what I did today, I'd tell her. It's more of that grey area where there's no need to run around announcing it to the world. If she did the same thing I wouldn't care.
Edit to clarify a bit. I don't do it shady like pretend to get ready for work in the morning then go out, come home and put my work clothes back on. My wife leaves before me and we get home around the same time so she's seen me arrive in non work clothes. She knows I do it. She found out about it once years ago and just shrugged. We trust each other and have a healthy marriage. There's no need to make each other aware of every move we make. That's the kind of thing that drives people crazy and causes then to start lying.
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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Let me put it to you another way. If she did as much ass busting during the entire rest of the year as you did on your "vacation", what would your domestic situation be like? If its worth it for you to blow your vacation, that's your business, but you are getting a shit deal here Noodle.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Most of my married friends that lie about things like that do so because their wives make a huge deal out of it. Golfing in particular. The men who are married to women who have their own friends and social lives don't seem to care and those men don't feel the need to skirt that line, they just tell each other what they are doing with their own free time. It's the guys who are married to women who have no social lives of their own that lie because they get read the riot act anytime they do something on their own.
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Renting is way cheaper than owning where I live. There are a lot of hidden costs of ownership that no one takes into account, never mind that owning is (financially) stupid if you move more often than every ~10 years (yes, depending on market movements, etc, etc). Sure, it's nice to be able to do whatever you want with your living space, but no one should pretend that privilege doesn't come at a substantial price.
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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My wife only makes huge deals if we have something planned or it's something I'm doing way too often. I don't go out too much so it's never been an issue. I know, my wife sucks. I just can't imagine not at least mentioning that to her.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Well, yea. But people often have wildly varying opinions on what constitutes "way too often".
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Larnix
Blackwing Lair Raider
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We often get to leave work an hour early with pay, i never mention it to my wife until after she gets home for the day. She knows i dont tell her because she always "needs" something picked up or done.
My start time is 4am and i onky work 4 hours on Friday. My wife asks if I would change fridays to 9am so that she doesnt have to get the kids ready. I just laugh and set my alarm for 315!
My start time is 4am and i onky work 4 hours on Friday. My wife asks if I would change fridays to 9am so that she doesnt have to get the kids ready. I just laugh and set my alarm for 315!
iannis
Musty Nester
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In california? Fucking rent. Are you kidding, property prices are ridiculous.
In a rural area? Buy, if you can. I'd go so far as to say even a doublewide on your own acre is preferable to an apartment. Trailer parks, depends on if you own the plot of rent it. They exist both ways.
It's because you're less likely to relocate. How long will you be there, that's the question.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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So basically all the time, according to your recent "vacation".
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TJT
Mr. Poopybutthole
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I outright told mine she gets a handful of times a year where I will go where she wants instead of just doing what I want. Better choose wisely. I am pretty antisocial and I am highly productive at getting shit done, improving the house and whatever. If she feels like she, "needs" to derail my general activities it better be for a good reason.
I have refused tons of shit she asked me to do and she doesn't bother anymore. It took a bit to get her to realize that I have almost no interest or desire to hangout with your friends or their stupid husbands. The moment I decide to just do nothing but day drink and smoke pot or whatever then I'll allow her to have a point about it.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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My wife and I both have a long history of noping out of the other's plans at the last minute. Most of the time on weekends or vacations we have a list of potential things to do. When the time comes, we do what we feel like doing. Usually no more than 1 or 2 items must be done.
I enjoy the staycations to work on my house. Usually costs less than going somewhere and in the end increases the value of my house. But maybe I'm a weirdo because I like being at my house.
I enjoy the staycations to work on my house. Usually costs less than going somewhere and in the end increases the value of my house. But maybe I'm a weirdo because I like being at my house.
Prodigal
Shitlord, Offender of the Universe
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I wish I liked being at my house, but I hate my house. Wife knew I didn’t like it and didn’t want to buy it but she basically bitched and moaned incessantly about how I would never want to move - because for the longest time she projected her worthless father’s attitude on to me when I tried to explain why we should wait until we could get what we both wanted.
So yeah she plans stuff but she has to ask in advance if I’m willing to take my time to work on her fucking house. She’s figured out now that hinting at what she’d like for me to do is not going to go well for her - just say what you fucking want and acknowledge that you are being a pain in my ass and I’ll probably do it for you.
When she hints that she’ll make it up to me I let her know that she can figure out how to get the goddamn house ready to sell and then deal with the realtors and get it sold - that would be a good start.
Sad really, because all I really want is a simple, nice retreat where I can get away from the shitty, unrewarding grind that is my job.
So yeah she plans stuff but she has to ask in advance if I’m willing to take my time to work on her fucking house. She’s figured out now that hinting at what she’d like for me to do is not going to go well for her - just say what you fucking want and acknowledge that you are being a pain in my ass and I’ll probably do it for you.
When she hints that she’ll make it up to me I let her know that she can figure out how to get the goddamn house ready to sell and then deal with the realtors and get it sold - that would be a good start.
Sad really, because all I really want is a simple, nice retreat where I can get away from the shitty, unrewarding grind that is my job.