Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Crone said:

we have a huge clutter problem

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Dude, honestly, you have a straight up trash problem. $120 to get that dealt with in any fashion is a huge win. If the lady does maintenance for 2/3 or less the cost of the initial clean and it forces your family to neaten up beforehand, consider yourself victorious.

Oh dude that's much worse than I thought. I find the actual cleaning not really an issue for me - two bathrooms and the kitchen every week take me an hour maybe. Sweeping and washing the floors (wood) take me less than an hour. Now you'll remember how my office used to look, we converted it into a playroom. I'll see if I can find pics later. The main living room doesn't have much actual clutter but I'll see what I can find there too. The only problem areas there are the kitchen table, which is our next item on my list. The rest of the house is just sometimes a fuck ton of toys that my kids are throwing everywhere. I think my situation has improved 80% over last time.

For me a cleaning person makes no sense since I don't mind doing it, and I actually do it. I want my wife to clean, but a long time ago I came to the realization that she just wasn't going to do it. It's better for my mental health to do it myself, rather than always internalize it and feel resentment.

One thing you need to do is get rid of all those cardboard boxes!

So the other day we did some things. Got this cube storage for the boys, then I hung the tv (need to o hide wires). Also bought a very cheap shed no pics of the playroom

So, it takes me longer to clean stuff. Like, no one mops our kitchen/entryway/hallway area but me, it's all tile, it gets gross as fuck after a while. My wife bought this stupid swiffer thing which does nothing. That shit takes me a solid 90-120 minutes to do well. If I just did it well once and then did maintenance on it daily, yeah it probably wouldn't take long. But I don't.

I've been kind of in a bind, I want the house to be more clean, but I refuse to clean up while my kids sit around, but if I make them clean I end up just supervising them instead of getting shit done. So I usually just make them do a few things until I get frustrated then do the rest myself. I have been considering a cleaning service but I worry that it wouldn't be worth it. And then there's the whole paying someone to clean while my wife/kids don't do it. On the flipside though I feel like it would be a solid quality of life improvement for me,e specially since I work from home a lot now.

I'm gone all week, so I don't have the day to day interaction to keep up on the cleaning. Wife takes care of the kids and stays home, and she says she cleans, but the kids trash it, but then when I come home and see things like that, it's like wut? You ain't doing shit. Grats on your naps. It's frustrating. I don't feel like I should have to come home after being gone all week for work, and start from square 1 with cleaning. I should be able to maintain the day to day things like trash, dishes, etc. The rest should be done during the week.

Wife is 1 of 8 kids, and so she grew up though where Saturday was the big clean day. But with 8 damn kids, they spent less than 2 hours in the morning every Saturday and the house was spotless with the Mom doing some spot cleans during the week. I'm an only child, and I did chores throughout the week so that come the weekend it wasn't required to do any cleaning, and most of the time didn't have to do anything at all. So different styles I suppose.

And the pic above was the worst it's ever been, and it sparked some very pointed questions about what the hell is going on, and that things need to change. They have changed, and have gotten better. And now, with my sister in law plus family living with us for a while, it's gotten better even yet because my wife's sister cleans up more and motivates the wife to clean up more as well.

Also, not opposed to suggesting that there is some depression involved with this as well. Where you just don't give a fuck, and let things get so bad. I wish I could just easily be like Noodle, and just do it, but me having to do so much, when she stays home all day, creates just as much resentment as not doing it, and getting mad that my wife doesn't do it either. There's no win in the situation, other than having her actually take care of the house, which I think she needs to do.

Crone said:

There's no win in the situation, other than having her actually take care of the house, which I think she needs to do.

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I get the frustration, but given the track record that's a side issue to the actual cleanliness of the house. Dramatic habit change is unlikely. "Wife cleans and no maid" doesn't seem to be a realistic outcome. You can either be frustrated that your wife doesn't clean and live in a disaster area, or be frustrated that she doesn't clean and pay to have it cleaned. You might find everyone is happier in the second scenario.

I had no problem keeping my house clean. I was home or at work feet away so it was no issue to make time. Take a break from work and go in and clean to clear my mind. My wife cleaned her house just fine. I just wanted her to get more of a break. She worked some long hours. I could afford it so I thought why not. I thought we/she would just keep the clutter down by putting up her stuff and with no kids it wouldn't be an issue. Just a good cleaning every so often. It made her guilty and I got a little of the "the maid cleaned well, but she didn't do it the way I do it". It didn't last long. Now i clean the house since I'm home all day having moved here.

Captain Suave said:

I get the frustration, but given the track record that's a side issue to the actual cleanliness of the house. Dramatic habit change is unlikely. "Wife cleans and no maid" doesn't seem to be a realistic outcome. You can either be frustrated that your wife doesn't clean and live in a disaster area, or be frustrated that she doesn't clean and pay to have it cleaned. You might find everyone is happier in the second scenario.

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I'd rather pay the money, and have a clean house, than not pay it, and be frustrated. My wife's anxiety/embarrassment and therefore having to clean for the cleaning lady is a huge positive thing about the whole situation.

I just do it because otherwise it won't get done. I could probably find a cleaning person but for me it's wasted money.

One thing I find funny is sometimes now she rushes the kids along to help her pick up because "you know how daddy is about messes"

That's next level, not only does she stay at home and not clean, but now she's playing with psychology to make Daddy the bad guy when they have to do their chores!

Why do you tell us these things? It's like you're asking for a dog pile!

Khane said:

That's next level, not only does she stay at home and not clean, but now she's playing with psychology to make Daddy the bad guy when they have to do their chores!

Why do you tell us these things? It's like you're asking for a dog pile!

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Well the situation drastically changed when my son was diagnosed. She isn't staying home as much as before. The meetings alone for my son are a 20 hour/week job

Oh sure, now I'm the bad guy for not reading the parent thread and knowing your son was diagnosed with something

Dammit Noodle!

Khane said:

Oh sure, now I'm the bad guy for not reading the parent thread and knowing your son was diagnosed with something

Dammit Noodle!

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You goddamn ASS HOLE!!!!

No, I mean if I'm honest she should do more. But to be fair, things have gotten a lot better. Clutter drives me insane, so it'll always be an issue because for her it just doesn't.

Hoss said:

Crone, that maid ain't coming back. You should try to get her just to see what excuse you get. Will it be a dead cousin, a sick horse, or just ghosted?

But find another one asap. Since the first one did the initial cleaning maybe the next one won't be scared off if you hurry.

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Lol. That pic was a couple months ago. Wife and sister in law cleaned up a ton of shit before the cleaner came. I know this because our Ring doorbell was going off like crazy because of motion. Had to be a dozen trips outside with trash bags, lol.

So it got a lot better before I decided to hire a cleaning lady, and then it got even better when the wife cleaned for the cleaning lady. So when I get home this Friday it'll probably be... Aww hell it'll be shit again.

I think it's one of those things where you just have to say she either cleans every week or you hire someone, there is no other option. I mean, I get driven nuts and I come home every night to it. You're coming home for two days a week and getting stressed out by it. I'm a little pissed FOR YOU that two grown adult females aren't taking care of it.

If I were ever in the position where I was living in someone else's home for any period of time, I'd be doing everything I could to make it look better.

LachiusTZ said:

Crone

Lol man I was going to say that looked like a trash bag situation.

Wood burning stove tho... One of my favorite things to have.

You ever use it?

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Yea, quite a bit, but not so much this year. Despite it being January, it's still just chillin' in the 50's like Winter never came around!

Lucky for me, my small town doesn't give a shit about recycling curb side. So I have just a massive canister that's in front of my house, and it makes for easy clean up when it's a ton of shit. It's like 5 minutes away "into town", but there are recycling dumpsters for cardboard, and we haul that out ever so often.