Marriage and the Power of Divorce

At 5am last night I had to call Police in order to get the girl I spent Xmas with to leave my airbnb.

Since August I've been travelling overseas every 4-6 weeks to see a friend I'm very close to - the Dominatrix. She hosts monthly fetish parties and I've made a number of friends here from attending them.

I met this girl at the first one, then we hooked up after the last party in November got cancelled. She suggested meeting up anyway, the party went ahead with like 10 people and she came back to my apartment after, then came back a few days later.

As there was a high chance of a Xmas/NYE party we made plans to spend Xmas together, and NYE then spend a few days after NYE together.

I usually spend Xmas alone as I'm not close to my father or sister. She by all accounts has had a rough life (alcoholic father), doesn't spend it with her mother, so I wanted to make it special for both of us.

Anyway, she got to my place at 9pm on Xmas Eve and we ate dinner. By midnight she was saying the chemistry wasn't the same and could I get any cocaine. By 1am-2am she was saying I don't care about her, how I'm more interested in the Dominatrix than her.

By 3am she was knocking plates off the table. I went to bed because I was trying to freeze her out, she alternated between coming in to cuddle up to me and apologise and then going back to living room and shout/cry and knock stuff around. By this point she'd drank 75% of a 500ml whiskey bottle. And I hid the kitchen knives and laptop before I went to bed.


Eventually she passed out in bed with her clothes on, and we had sex in the morning.

Xmas day she was hungover, apologetic and fine.


Last night she was back on the whiskey and predictably got emotional again. She wasn't breaking stuff but kept saying I don't care about her, how she means nothing to me, how I care about the Dominatrix again and basically seeking re-assurance. She wanted me to join her on the balcony for a smoke, move to her on sofa for a hug etc

My response was "actions speak louder than words, if you think I don't care after I've travelled 900 miles, bought and cooked all the food, rebooked my flights and risked being stuck here, then I can't change your mind and I won't tell you what you want to hear"

I basically refused to jump through her hoops eg "come for cigarette with me"#

This (unnecessary repetitive conversation with someone who is drunk and expressing all their insecurities) went on for like 3-4 hours, and by 5am I'd had enough and wanted to go to bed without having to sleep with one eye open.

The whole night she kept saying "why are you mad, I'm not breaking stuff tonight" - but it felt like she had the impulse to and was keeping them in check. So I hid the knives/laptop again and put the last bottle of coke in the freezer so she'd have no mixer to keep drinking with.

At one point she came over and wanted me to carry her to bed, so I thought "finally, it's over". Then she tried to initiate sex, wanted to make it kinky and obviously I wasn't in the mood so said "enough" and got out of bed, which set her off again

She lives an hour away and I know she has friends in the Capital, so I said "find somewhere to stay because I'm calling Police as I don't want you here"

When I got on phone to police she realised I was serious, started crying, telling me she loved me (lol) and begging me to let her stay. After forty minutes they hadn't arrived so I called them back, and this was the trigger for her to leave.


I told her it was over because I won't invest more time, money and energy in someone who has an alcohol problem. She's now messaging our mutual friends asking to be unblocked.

Clearly a long distance relationship with someone who turns psycho because they have an alcohol problem is a non starter, and I have no regrets about ending it.

BUT, AITA for not jumping through her hoops, for not telling her what she wanted to hear last night? eg, if I had just said "of course I care about you silly, come here" and put my arm around her, would this have been averted?

I also feel a bit shitty about basically kicking her out. She was on phone to a friend and I understand enough of her language to know she asked for his address. As soon as she left I asked her best friend to check on her, explained what had happened. But he said he had also had enough.

The Dominatrix also didn't understand why I called Police because she was "emotional", but then she spoke to another friend about her who said he "fully understoodd me" because he was with her at an afterparty and had to watch the knives for four hours because she was talking seriously about killing someone

How should I have handled it basically?