Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Khane

Khane

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Soygen said:
I've only ever dated one woman who had a kid already. We now also have a daughter together and will have been together for 10 years this coming July. Coincidentally, she was also an Asian(Filipino) single mom. Her son was also 3 years old when we started dating.
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A true cautionary tale. Thank you for being so brave and coming forward.

There you have it Jackie. Do you really want to be shacked up with some broad with that many problems for the next 10 years minimum?

 
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Soygen

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Jackie Treehorn said:
Oh noes, she got your bEtABux (had to throw that in.)

Awesome! And for the crowd…was it always easy? I bet it wasn’t, right? Your wife was probably crazy busy at times, yes? Dates cancelled, things rescheduled, taking the kid on dates unexpectedly, etc.

I am sure everything you went through, you undoubtedly wouldn’t change it, because you have a great family now.
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There were challenges, sure, but my step son's father is still very involved in his life. Fortunately for us, in those early years, he spent a lot of time at his dad's on the weekends, allowing us to have a mostly traditional dating experience early on. I'm not sure how it would have ended up otherwise, but I was very into her and having many weekends to ourselves helped. I was extremely hesitant about getting serious with her early on, due to her having a kid. No regrets at all now.

I can't really argue with the sentiment about single moms being a minefield, as I've only ever dated one. I feel like it's not really 'single moms'. It's just people in general. Adding a kid to the mix just makes it even harder, if the adult also sucks. I've never been the type to put up with bullshit in a relationship, so kid or not, if it wasn't feeling right, I'm out.
 
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Borzak

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My girlfriend has a kid. He was out of the house by the time we started dating cause I'm old.
 
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Foler

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Jackie Treehorn said:
I’m still seeing the Chinese mom. She invited me to go to Oakland Chinatown for pre-New Years food and shopping on Saturday.

We go to a dim sum restaurant. Order about six things, came to $50. I get out my credit card to pay at the end, she says “no I invited you, you pay next time.” So I say thank you and okay.

Then we leave to go shopping for more prepared food to take home. She buys a bunch of bao / bun things among other items, then randomly buys me a whole bag of them.

Next we go to another shop. She buys some meat, then buys me half a Peking duck after simply asking if I like duck.

Another little grocery store. “My son likes this candy, you take these.” Then she points out this drink that’s labeled bird’s nest drink (will post a picture) that turns out to be delicious - nutty. It was like $35 for 8, not cheap. I take my candy and bird nest drink to the register…mind you she had already paid for her stuff. So I go to pay since this is for me at home, and she says “oh no, I forgot to pay for yours!” then insists on buying it for me.

Finally we go to a plant shop and she buys a small tree that wasn’t cheap but thankfully does not buy me one. I actually felt bad this mom is buying all this stuff for me, but she does fine so it’s okay.

I don’t think I’ve ever dated anyone so warm and hospitable. I’m not sure if it’s her personality or part of a Chinese thing. Wants to hold hands everywhere. If we’re waiting in line somewhere she puts her arms around me. Finally I drive her back home as she has the kid that night, we make out in the car briefly, and then go home. Next Monday I’m taking her to get a facial (giggity) and lunch after so I can repay the effort at least.

View attachment 395928

It probably sounds disgusting, but this stuff is really tasty. Slightly sweetened.

View attachment 395929
Shopping for more plants.

Man I got lucky with this woman. She’s sweet and cute. Her being a mom actually works out well as she’s very busy which gives me time also. The previous woman I was dating, we went from seeing each other around 3 days a week to 7 days a week near the end of the relationship and I had hardly any time to do my own hobbies unless she was away.
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surprised no one has brought this up yet… She’s got a real man-butt. Given that she’s Asian are you sure it’s not a tranny? Have you slept with it? Figure that shit out ASAP.
 
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Jackie Treehorn

Jackie Treehorn

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Soygen said:
There were challenges, sure, but my step son's father is still very involved in his life. Fortunately for us, in those early years, he spent a lot of time at his dad's on the weekends, allowing us to have a mostly traditional dating experience early on. I'm not sure how it would have ended up otherwise, but I was very into her and having many weekends to ourselves helped. I was extremely hesitant about getting serious with her early on, due to her having a kid. No regrets at all now.

I can't really argue with the sentiment about single moms being a minefield, as I've only ever dated one. I feel like it's not really 'single moms'. It's just people in general. Adding a kid to the mix just makes it even harder, if the adult also sucks. I've never been the type to put up with bullshit in a relationship, so kid or not, if it wasn't feeling right, I'm out.
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Yeah. That’s why I’m happy the dad is around. He takes the kid some. And I don’t really want to be a full time adoptive father. Part time helping out with the kid and playing, I can do.
 
Khane

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Jackie Treehorn said:
Yeah. That’s why I’m happy the dad is around. He takes the kid some. And I don’t really want to be a full time adoptive father. Part time helping out with the kid and playing, I can do.
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I hope she didn't already introduce you to the kid.

Most of the people here just say shit for the sake of it but if she actually introduced you to her kid before she slept with you just fucking run because it's definitely a trap. And that's not even a joke.
 
Oblio

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Khane said:
I hope she didn't already introduce you to the kid.

Most of the people here just say shit for the sake of it but if she actually introduced you to her kid before she slept with you just fucking run because it's definitely a trap. And that's not even a joke.
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Um, how would having sex before meeting the kid make it less of a trap?
 
Khane

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Oblio said:
Um, how would having sex before meeting the kid make it less of a trap?
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I hope that's not a joke. You have kids right?

Introducing your child to people your dating has a profound effect on a young kid. Any parent that does that before they know its serious and the person they are dating is serious about taking that challenge on is damaging the child. Attachment is a real thing and it can happen very fast for a kid.

If she's willing to just throw her kid in front of the bus but is for some reason trying to withhold sex as some kind of golden ticket that actually says a great deal about what kind of person she is. That's honestly truly fucked up.
 
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Jackie Treehorn

Jackie Treehorn

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Khane said:
I hope that's not a joke. You have kids right?

Introducing your child to people your dating has a profound effect on a young kid. Any parent that does that before they know its serious and the person they are dating is serious about taking that challenge on is damaging the child. Attachment is a real thing and it can happen very fast for a kid.

If she's willing to just throw her kid in front of the bus but is for some reason trying to withhold sex as some kind of golden ticket that actually says a great deal about what kind of person she is. That's honestly truly fucked up.
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Let’s lay this out a little briefly.

I have met her kid - the dad was supposed to have him, he ended up having to do something, and she had him. She very apologetically asked me if she could bring him. I said cool, please do. I enjoyed it.

Secondly - I have not been on that many dates with this woman. I met her out at a restaurant in late October that we were both dining at. We didn’t arrange a first date until early December. Then I was gone for three weeks to Florida and San Diego.

She is not “withholding sex.” We literally have not been in a position to have sex or spend the night together. I haven’t seen her THAT many times. I don’t imagine it won’t be that long before we do based on how she was Saturday.

Maybe three weekends ago she came to my house for dinner. It was supposed to be just her…that’s when she texted me and asked if she could bring her son. During dinner she said something like “this would have been a lot more romantic” or something to that effect.

I have actually read a bit about how soon to have your kid meet someone — many people responded in comments stating they were children of single moms who dated and they often met men and that it was no big deal. The kid ain’t gonna bond to me hanging out at my house briefly — he played with Legos the entire time and watched kids videos.

You people extrapolate really kooky scenarios from very little information.
 
Khane

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I'm sorry Jackie but her bringing her child to meet you, especially under those circumstances, is not a good sign. And her continuing to do so before she even really knows you is really not a good sign.

This has nothing to do with you, and I'm not saying you're some kind of weirdo who shouldn't be around kids.

Relationships sour. Often times people meet and then things end abruptly kind of before they even start. If she is putting her own child in a position of meeting strange men she doesn't even know well yet and not caring if it just ends... and doing this over and over... that is going to have an effect on that child. She has probably done this before. And she is using that kid as a bargaining chip. It's probably why she's shared so much about her past with you so fast... before even being intimate with you.

A parent should NEVER do that while dating. With no exceptions. And under any circumstances. If something happens with babysitting arrangements she should have just cancelled.

This woman sounds fucked up Jackie. You should never put a child in a position of becoming attached to someone that might not be there in a month.
 
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Khane

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I don't understand how that shouldn't be the first thought. Why on earth would anyone just bring a young child into a new dating scenario like that? Relationships are hard enough for adults. Why put a kid through it with you?
 
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fris

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At least 6 months is everything I've read. Kids are already fucked up from the divorce. Seeing relationships come and go will have life long impact
 
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Khane

Khane

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Ahh, wealthysinglemommy.com

bud, that article is really fucking weird. Did you even read it?

Case in point.

EDIT: I mean shit, she's talking about kids as if you introduce people to them with adult stipulations they'll just fucking understand. Holy fuck dude... that article. Fucking wow.
 
Foler

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Khane said:
I hope she didn't already introduce you to the kid.

Most of the people here just say shit for the sake of it but if she actually introduced you to her kid before she slept with you just fucking run because it's definitely a trap. And that's not even a joke.
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That was exactly what my concern was - that this is in fact a MtF father.
 
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Denamian

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Foler said:
surprised no one has brought this up yet… She’s got a real man-butt. Given that she’s Asian are you sure it’s not a tranny? Have you slept with it? Figure that shit out ASAP.
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Take your schtick elsewhere or you're going to get slapped.
 
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