Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Denamian

Denamian

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Foler said:
If this is a sexual advance PM. Otherwise off to politics I go.
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It's a heads up that some in the thread did not appreciate you bringing your tranny obsession in here and amod agreed that you were in need of a reminder that this isn't the GWBYH thread.
 
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Tarrant

Tarrant

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Soygen said:
I've only ever dated one woman who had a kid already. We now also have a daughter together and will have been together for 10 years this coming July. Coincidentally, she was also an Asian(Filipino) single mom. Her son was also 3 years old when we started dating.
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Gosh damn, has it been 10 years already?
 
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Cutlery

Cutlery

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Khane said:
I hope that's not a joke. You have kids right?

Introducing your child to people your dating has a profound effect on a young kid. Any parent that does that before they know its serious and the person they are dating is serious about taking that challenge on is damaging the child. Attachment is a real thing and it can happen very fast for a kid.

If she's willing to just throw her kid in front of the bus but is for some reason trying to withhold sex as some kind of golden ticket that actually says a great deal about what kind of person she is. That's honestly truly fucked up.
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This dude speaks the truth.

My ex moved in *immediately* after the divorce in with the new cuck who bought a house a couple miles away. Both of my kids do not respect him in the slightest. The youngest is starting to put it together, she enjoyed having someone to play Switch with or some shit over there, but she definitely is starting to piece together what is really going on.

By contrast, I dated my gal for about 12-15 months before she was ever over with my kids. And I introduced her to the oldest one first and the youngest a few weeks later, and there is a profound difference in how both of them treat/feel about my GF vs the ex's BF. I really cannot stress this shit enough...kids need stability to be successful, and introducing anyone into their lives who is not going to be a stable partner is not best for them. It might be easiest for you (and by you, I mean the parent), but it is not best for the kid. I don't want some revolving door of bitches strolling thru my kids life, even if I want it in my own life, and that's what you do when you're a parent...you think of the kids first.

This has paid off immensely as the stark contrast between the 2 households is starting to become overwhelming for even the 10 year old. The 20 year old hasn't talked to her mom since she turned 18 and didn't have to anymore, and then little one is becoming more and more annoyed with spending the 50% of her time at her mom's instead of the "chill house."

I also echo Kirun, I don't know if I could raise someone else's kid, and there's really no reason to. Plenty of women out there, and not a single one of them is willing to settle for anyone subpar, there's no reason you should have to either. But, I also realize there are a lot of guys who don't have that hangup and seem to be okay with that (my ex's brother in law is one of them) and are genuinely good guys, so I am forced to admit it is a possibility that you can "adopt" a single mother and be happy if that's your schtick.
 
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moonarchia

moonarchia

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Kirun said:
It's your life and you have to live it.

However, unless there's some medical reason you can't have children and you 100% want them, I will NEVER understand raising someone else's child. I don't care if dad is around or not. At some point, if you get "serious" with this chick, that now becomes, "Instant Dad! Just add husband!". I just can't fathom why you'd allow yourself to be responsible financially, emotionally, physically, etc. for somebody's MASSIVE "mistake" they made, because they were stupid and irresponsible in their 20s, 30s, whatever.
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Not speaking from experience or anything, but it's possible to also form a really strong bond with the kid as well. Being dad #2 shouldn't a bad thing as long as you have actual custodial rights. But that would depend on you making that a requirement going in, and would probably necessitate having some sort of non-antagonistic relationship with bio dad.
 
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Kirun

Kirun

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Khane said:
I'm sorry Jackie but her bringing her child to meet you, especially under those circumstances, is not a good sign. And her continuing to do so before she even really knows you is really not a good sign.

This has nothing to do with you, and I'm not saying you're some kind of weirdo who shouldn't be around kids.

Relationships sour. Often times people meet and then things end abruptly kind of before they even start. If she is putting her own child in a position of meeting strange men she doesn't even know well yet and not caring if it just ends... and doing this over and over... that is going to have an effect on that child. She has probably done this before. And she is using that kid as a bargaining chip. It's probably why she's shared so much about her past with you so fast... before even being intimate with you.

A parent should NEVER do that while dating. With no exceptions. And under any circumstances. If something happens with babysitting arrangements she should have just cancelled.

This woman sounds fucked up Jackie. You should never put a child in a position of becoming attached to someone that might not be there in a month.
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ROFL I BET YOU'RE JUST SOME PUA, REDPILL, MEN'S RIGHTS LOSER!! What a weirdo!!
Jackie Treehorn said:
There’s differing opinions on this. Not everyone thinks you should wait any specific time.

www.wealthysinglemommy.com

When should single moms introduce kids to a boyfriend?

When I hear single moms discuss dating, most say wait until the magical six-month mark to introduce kids to a boyfriend. Really? Read this.
www.wealthysinglemommy.com www.wealthysinglemommy.com
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Trusting/listening/seriously considering women's opinions on ANYTHING women related is about the dumbest fucking thing you could ever do.
moonarchia said:
Not speaking from experience or anything, but it's possible to also form a really strong bond with the kid as well. Being dad #2 shouldn't a bad thing as long as you have actual custodial rights. But that would depend on you making that a requirement going in, and would probably necessitate having some sort of non-antagonistic relationship with bio dad.
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No doubt it's possible. If I was medically unable to have children and I was 100% certain I wanted them, I would totally get it. I also get that there are some men out there who don't care, or actually want a bond with a child like that. I'm just not built that way, period. I see it as having to shoulder the burden/responsibility of someone's life-altering, poor decisions and that's not on me. That's between the mother and father to figure out. If the kid is 18+, moved out, on his own, etc.? Sure, why the fuck not. I'll play some vidya with the boy and show him how to turn a socket wrench. But, being financially, emotionally, and physically responsible for him/her? No fuckin' shot, bucko.

Like Cutlery Cutlery said, the ocean is VAST - women actually outnumber men. I have no idea why you'd settle on, "instant dad, just add husband!".
 
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Tarrant

Tarrant

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So, years and years ago back when GTBYH first started, I told the story of my first divorce. It was back in 2008 and my oldest child was 5 years old. Over the years, I worked my ass off to have a great relationship with my kids even though my oldest two did not live with me. I never spoke ill of their mother to them, I always made sure they were in a safe environment, that was low stress and just always did everything I could to be there for school vents when they had them, even when I moved out of state.

Fast forward to now, and my oldest is 19, and he's moving in with me. I know he's not a kid anymore, and I still lost out on a lot of daily interactions with him growing up, but I'm so excited to have him come stay with me and see him every day. We are always been really close, so it's gonna be great having him here.

My 15-year old (soon to be 16) daughter wants to move here too, but her mother is bargaining with her to get her to not push the issue, by full summer visits, spring breaks and basically, anytime she's not in school. We will see how long that holds out, but she's not super happy being there so it's only a matter of time.
 
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Jackie Treehorn

Jackie Treehorn

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Kirun said:
ROFL I BET YOU'RE JUST SOME PUA, REDPILL, MEN'S RIGHTS LOSER!! What a weirdo!!

Trusting/listening/seriously considering women's opinions on ANYTHING women related is about the dumbest fucking thing you could ever do.
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Yeah, hi. You’re a MGTOW / redpill / PUA guy. When you make comments like this, it’s impossible to take anything else you say seriously.
 
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Kirun

Kirun

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Jackie Treehorn said:
Yeah, hi. You’re a MGTOW / redpill / PUA guy. When you make comments like this, it’s impossible to take anything else you say seriously.
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Like I said dude, have fun. I'm not trying to prevent you from doing shit. Your life, go live it. I'm sure it'll work out well with this gal.
 
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Khane

Khane

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Well you're really missing out. Every thread here is worth visiting
 
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Soygen

Soygen

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Mcnulty GIF | Gfycat
 
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Lendarios

Lendarios

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After a certain age, it is expected for kids to be in the picture, and if they aren't it is actually a red/warning flag.
If you are a man over 40 and you have no kids, that is bad. If you are a women that is even worse.

The older I get the more I wish I had more kids and that I had started sooner.
 
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Tarrant

Tarrant

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Kids for sure aren’t for everyone and many sure as hell don’t need them to feel fulfilled.

I however am not one of those people and I can’t imagine a world without them. Even though I’d be 59 when it graduated, if the wife and I could have a baby right now, we would.
 
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Jackie Treehorn

Jackie Treehorn

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Lendarios said:
After a certain age, it is expected for kids to be in the picture, and if they aren't it is actually a red/warning flag.
If you are a man over 40 and you have no kids, that is bad. If you are a women that is even worse.

The older I get the more I wish I had more kids and that I had started sooner.
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That’s a little old fashioned thinking. I don’t view people without kids in any negative light. You really don’t want a society where everyone is somehow shamed into having kids like decades back.
 
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Lendarios

Lendarios

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Old fashioned does not mean it's wrong. The older you get the higher the likelihood of a birth defect or something going wrong. Also the largest indicator of a kid born with problems, autism and other mental or physical illness is the age of parent, particularly the mother.

These are the real statistics feminist don't say outloud. If you don't believe me, there are some studies on this.
 
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