Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Haast_sl said:

Assuming they calculated support properly, she goes back, demands support and.... officially gets the ~$250/month that he's already paying her? OH THE HUMANITY!

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They don't count support paid outside of a court agreement. He'll have to pay back support for every month since they got divorced plus interest.

Xequecal_sl said:

They don't count support paid outside of a court agreement. He'll have to pay back support for every month since they got divorced plus interest.

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Why? She WAIVED support in the agreement. Are you suggesting that if she went back and requested it, they would apply the "un-waiving" retroactively? If so, can you back that up with case law?

How much trouble can you get in doing this shady shit so she can get on government assistance?

I mean for fucks sake dude, you wrote it on the internet.. I don't think they'd have trouble implicating you.

My takeaway from this, Onoes, is that you need to talk to a law-man and start some judge certified proceedings.

The longer you're not living with that woman, the more tenuous the trust placed in the initial agreement is. She may not actually fuck you raw. But she -could-, and there is no such thing as an offhanded remark about money.

And if she has no real intention of fucking you over right now it may still be in your better interest to go through arbritration anyway, so that the dildo she could use to peg you with later, when you do something that actually pisses her off like get remarried or something, will be of a smaller gauge and pre-lubricated.

How much do you trust that woman with your money? Not your kids. Not your emotions. Not your job. She may be 100% trustworthy concerning all of those things. I would hope she is. After all, you married her. But your money. You divorced her too.

Iannis_sl said:

My takeaway from this, Onoes, is that you need to talk to a law-man and start some judge certified proceedings.

The longer you're not living with that woman, the more tenuous the trust placed in the initial agreement is. She may not actually fuck you raw. But she -could-, and there is no such thing as an offhanded remark about money.

And if she has no real intention of fucking you over right now it may still be in your better interest to go through arbritration anyway, so that the dildo she could use to peg you with later, when you do something that actually pisses her off like get remarried or something, will be of a smaller gauge and pre-lubricated.

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This is very good advice. Since everyone (myself included) besides maybe Cad is guessing, you should really talk to a lawyer.

I'm with Iannis: there is no such thing as an offhanded comment about money. And even if her money situation isn't great, she will find a lawyer if she's determined. Remember, in her dumb, very misguided head, you should be paying her an extra $2,750 per month, which is $33,000 a year! That's a shitload of money and well worth finding a way to pay an attorney.

Get ahead of this so you don't get fucked later.

If I had to pay a broad $33,000 a year I'd go live in one of those hippy communes way off the grid and never make contact with other humans for the rest of my life. Fuck that.

NoodleAnus_sl said:

If I had to pay a broad $33,000 a year I'd go live in one of those hippy communes way off the grid and never make contact with other humans for the rest of my life. Fuck that.

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Problem is you're stuck because its your kid, unless you're just a dead beat.

In AZ there is a child support doc where you put the man's income, and the ladies income, and then select amount of time with kids (there are only 3 options there by the way, more time with mother, more time with father, and essentially equal). Since we have essentially equal selected, child support is just a percentage of the difference in our yearly income. I make about $30k more than her a year, so apparently I pay something like 8% of the difference in yearly pay. If she made more, she would be paying me. Now, if we changed the doc to more time with mother, my child support goes up to $1500 a month.

Soygen_sl said:

Sounds like someone in your family is a terrible decision maker.

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Everybody who suffers through a bad divorce can probably be called a terrible decision maker. You married someone you thought you loved that turned out to be a malicious psycho. I guess what I consider frightening is that my dad and stepdad didn't really do anything "wrong" in my eyes, yet got royally fucked by their wives. That's what is so scary and unfair to me. In today's court system, you can be a stand-up dad that takes care of your family/kids, and if your wife one day arbitrarily decides to suck other cock and be an irresponsible wife and file for divorce, she can still get majority custody, move as far away from you within state as she wants, drill you for cash that isn't even being spent on your kids, and have a new dude barking chores at your kids before the ink is even dry on the divorce papers. It's not only a huge injustice, it's just plain unfair and immoral. To this day I still remember the utter look of despondent frustration on my dad's face every time he had to fight for his rights.

Tarrant_sl said:

While I do not know the specifics of his States laws I can tell you in Minnesota that is the case. Typically if she waives it in family Court then you can go for back support, however if she goes on state assistance then the state will demand she goes for max child support allowed and can and will push for back support.

I know this because I was that guy.

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So you are saying any agreements made in regard to child support aren't worth the paper they are written on? That's lovely. I think my testicles just stopped producing sperm at the thought of dealing with that shit.

I feel like Frenzied Wombat is one step away from taking the Red Pill and joining Dumar and Antarius. Don't do it Wombat, just dont!

NoodleAnus_sl said:

If I had to pay a broad $33,000 a year I'd go live in one of those hippy communes way off the grid and never make contact with other humans for the rest of my life. Fuck that.

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Its child support not alimony. You want your offspring to starve? and by starve I mean not have the newest iphone??

Also, just move out of country, hippies are annoying.

Onoes_sl said:

In AZ there is a child support doc where you put the man's income, and the ladies income, and then select amount of time with kids (there are only 3 options there by the way, more time with mother, more time with father, and essentially equal). Since we have essentially equal selected, child support is just a percentage of the difference in our yearly income. I make about $30k more than her a year, so apparently I pay something like 8% of the difference in yearly pay. If she made more, she would be paying me. Now, if we changed the doc to more time with mother, my child support goes up to $1500 a month.

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That is still worrisome. It really depends what amount will get her to be a terrible human being.

An extra $1,250/month = $15,000 a year. All for the small price of lawyering up, going to court, saying you're a shitty father and she needs custody. Her expenses remain relatively level, and her income goes up $15k. Now she takes the fun trips with your disposable income. That would be a real bitch.

Consult an attorney, see how vulnerable you are and what you can do to be prepared. Investing a few hundred $ now could save your ass later.

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

Everybody who suffers through a bad divorce can probably be called a terrible decision maker. You married someone you thought you loved that turned out to be a malicious psycho. I guess what I consider frightening is that my dad and stepdad didn't really do anything "wrong" in my eyes, yet got royally fucked by their wives. That's what is so scary and unfair to me. In today's court system, you can be a stand-up dad that takes care of your family/kids, and if your wife one day arbitrarily decides to suck other cock and be an irresponsible wife and file for divorce, she can still get majority custody, move as far away from you within state as she wants, drill you for cash that isn't even being spent on your kids, and have a new dude barking chores at your kids before the ink is even dry on the divorce papers. It's not only a huge injustice, it's just plain unfair and immoral. To this day I still remember the utter look of despondent frustration on my dad's face every time he had to fight for his rights.

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This just isn't true anymore in this day. The courts are very 50/50 to the parents these days. My friend at work is going through a divorce because his wife decided she was just done and she's fighting tooth and nail to try and get even partial custody. Outside of just wanting out she didn't even do anything wrong like cheating. They now talk to the children and hear both sides of the story instead of just always defaulting to the mother. He has two daughters and one son and since he was the guy constantly taking them to soccer practice and doing things with them both his daughters are asking for primary custody to the father (his son is only maybe 2 or 3.) And, from the looks of things, it will be granted.

khalid_sl said:

I feel like Frenzied Wombat is one step away from taking the Red Pill and joining Dumar and Antarius. Don't do it Wombat, just dont!

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Nah, I've probably been "one step away" since I was 11 and my parents played human wishbone with me on the front lawn (Dad's custody weekend) while the neighbors watched. Ultimately, though I'll admit I'm somewhat jaded and find women generally frustrating (growing up with 4 sisters will do that on its own) from a relationship/job standpoint, I'm successful enough both financially and with women that I don't need to adhere to that red pill crap. There's definitely some truth to it, but it's too radical for me.

Tenks_sl said:

This just isn't true anymore in this day. The courts are very 50/50 to the parents these days. My friend at work is going through a divorce because his wife decided she was just done and she's fighting tooth and nail to try and get even partial custody. Outside of just wanting out she didn't even do anything wrong like cheating. They now talk to the children and hear both sides of the story instead of just always defaulting to the mother. He has two daughters and one son and since he was the guy constantly taking them to soccer practice and doing things with them both his daughters are asking for primary custody to the father (his son is only maybe 2 or 3.) And, from the looks of things, it will be granted.

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Well, this is good to hear, but I think it may have a lot to do with the lawyers involved and the judge, because over the years I have quite a few guys at the office with ongoing divorce horror stories. As I mentioned above, one poor slob here pays out $2500/month and is going back to court because his wife is obviously not spending the vast majority of the money on the kids, but instead herself. I've seen guys here "win", but they have to be willing (and have the money) to continually go back to court whenever the wife starts shit up. New boyfriend talking shit to the kids and the wife says "fuck you"? Back to court. Wife not spending the child support properly? Back to court. Wife saying nasty lies about dad, back to court and say hi to "co-parenting" class and Family Wizard. In some cases, the wife is so nasty and threatening, some guys have just taken it in the ass because "fighting her is just going to hurt the kids". So, I do know some wealthy thick-skinned guys that have "won", but their lawyers are on quick-dial. You are definitely right though concerning shared custody. When I was a kid the standard was "see dad on weekends", but the courts now are more open to 50/50. Unfortunately, the irony is that even if you want 50/50, if you're that hard working father that puts in 50 hours a week at work, you can't even do it if you want to.