This all precipitated from feeling like I was fighting something the last few years of my life. Because I couldn't stay interested in any one woman for more than a month at a time something was wrong with me. Wondering why I couldn't accept that the last two serious relationships I was in had expectations attached to them out of the gate. I was expected to take care of them. Differences of opinion on finance and gender role ended those, one of them amicably after over a year of trudging onward as essentially roommates, the other very poorly with lasting effect. They wanted traditional roles in our relationship, I didn't.
Then I started to feel like I just didn't think I'd ever be able to get married because of my belief on the matter. I actually felt like I was supposed to, it was expected of me, but I just wouldn't be able to because every woman I dated I found something wrong with. That was a direct product of my thoughts on what marriage is supposed to be. When I think of marriage I think of it its most traditional sense. Til death do you part. That's fucking intense. So then I thought "well if this is forever she better be fucking perfect".
I can't accept that I have to sacrifice autonomy to prove I can love someone. We fight in every facet of our lives not to give up autonomy except for in love and religion. In love giving up autonomy is actually revered and respected, but I have no idea why. Love isn't a zero sum game. As humans we accept that we are capable of loving our family members all equally, our children all equally and our friends all equally. Having two children doesn't mean you now have to choose which one to love because you can't possibly love both. Why can't we expect that's possible in our romantic lives?
That isn't to say I think monogamy is wrong and you're wrong for wanting it. I think it's all about the individual, and I'm not trying to preach my beliefs and change minds, just giving my perspective on why I don't think I want to do the whole monogamy thing anymore. I also have no idea whether or not I can do open relationships, but I'm giving it a shot.
