Marriage and the Power of Divorce

also glad when my wife tried to pressure me into having a second child and i wasnt interested i didnt cave in

all around tho you sound like a caring guy, there is someone out there that would appreciate it

how old are you btw? alot of the story sounds familiar with people I know where somebody thinks they want to settle down but then have a quarter or mid life crisis and decide they want to start partying and enjoy a late night lifestyle

Tuco_sl said:

People say that but based on the zero people I've ever seen say they divorced their wife because of a tit text I really doubt it.

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yeah but i actually would do it because the second my marriage is bringing me more worry then comfort it is useless and will be removed

its suppose to be a life enhancer in my opinion

Lawyer up, prove infidelity on her part, and keep everything.

i agree with mcqueen, too bad you didn't dig a bit deeper in preparation for potential divorce, al ot of your story sounds like "she was going out a few times a week"

not to be a downer but sounds like she was probably cheating

Well one thing you can take out of all that shit is that you have a solid friend for immediately telling you what happened.

It sounds like the classic case of married too young on her part; right out of high school, maybe even her first long term relationship and then straight into kids after a few years. Woke up one day and realized she never got to live it up and be crazy for a few years in her late teens early twenties so she figured better late then never.

We got together at ages - her=18, me=23, and we are now ages- her-29, and me 34 (both of us have bdays in Nov).

As for the Lawyer thing, yeah, the plan is to get all the paperwork filled out between us tomorrow, and then go see a lawyer on Tuesday to make sure its all whatever it needs to be.

As for her family... when she told her parents what was going on, their reaction was "Well... we knew there were some issues, you guys are sure? I hope you know that... we are still going to be friends with Mikel (me), he's still going to be over here and stuff, thats not going to be a problem right?"

I actually get along more with her parents than her anymore >_<, they are massive nerds. They were in Flagstaff all day today at a medieval Christmas thing today. I go over there tomorrow, because I play dungeons and dragons with her mom, dad, and little brother every Sunday afternoon. They called me last night to tell me that they got tickets for a midnight showing of the hobbit, and they got an extra one for me, because obviously I'm going. Did I mention I'm a manchild? Well, her parents are big grown up kids too.

I'll keep you guys updated, but I'm really not expecting any kind of crazy drama here. I hate to even jinx it, but I really believe this is going to be like the most straightforward thing ever. There I jinxed it, enjoy my repercussions!

Thanks for all the support. I'll give you guys the play by play throughout the whole thing. Keep in mind that in AZ, from the time we file, there is a mandatory 60 day wait period before it can go before a judge, so this thing won't be finalized for a while.

lanx_sl said:

this...

plus it sounds like her girlfriends are liquoring her up good, is she easily influenced?

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It's really just one girl. I think that's another part of it. She's never really had friends, not anyone close. She had people she would talk to, and maybe see once a year or something, but it was always up to me to entertain her, which was often a point of contention early in the marriage, because I have a ton of close friends.. and I think its important to have our own lives outside of one another.

Since she's been on her fitness thing I think it's really changed her outlook. Like I said earlier, I think she's much happier with herself, and so she's more inclined to want to do things. In addition, she's a part of a club now, with a group of people who are always doing things, so, she's discovered she enjoys that. Now she has a friend who parties all the time, and wants to hang out with her all the time, so she's kind of found a groove. I'm sure its much more exciting that being at home, doing chores, dealing with kids, etc.

As far as if she's easily influenced..? I don't know? I want to say no, but she's kind of a bit of a stranger to me right now. So who knows?

There's no friendly divorce unless you let her fuck you over. You don't owe her shit, start thinking of yourself first, that's half your problem in general. Get a pitbull divorce attorney and go after her hard. You don't get to go back and redo this shit (other than maybe custody and child support) this is your one shot and you live with the result forever. Fuck her, she's cheating on you essentially and you gave her two kids and a life and poured your youth which you will never get back into this bitch who is content to toss you aside because she isn't "haaappyyyyy". Listen to yourself man, she's getting in shape, making new friends, going out clubbing....if she isn't getting nailed by some other dude or dudes she will be VERY soon, why the fuck you think she's ready to split? Fuck her, get everything you can and don't compromise anything.

Famm_sl said:

There's no friendly divorce unless you let her fuck you over. You don't owe her shit, start thinking of yourself first, that's half your problem in general. Get a pitbull divorce attorney and go after her hard. You don't get to go back and redo this shit (other than maybe custody and child support) this is your one shot and you live with the result forever. Fuck her, she's cheating on you essentially and you gave her two kids and a life and poured your youth which you will never get back into this bitch who is content to toss you aside because she isn't "haaappyyyyy". Listen to yourself man, she's getting in shape, making new friends, going out clubbing....if she isn't getting nailed by some other dude or dudes she will be VERY soon, why the fuck you think she's ready to split? Fuck her, get everything you can and don't compromise anything.

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I wouldn't go this far, but you definitely want to see a lawyer and have him explain to you what kind of deal you can expect to get if you both fight versus the deal you think you have on the table right now. The fact is, with kids involved, if you both hire "pitbull" attorneys and go for each other's respective throats, you're going to lose badly, that's how family court works for men. Have the lawyer give you their opinion on whether the current deal is good and you should try to hustle along as quickly as possible before she changes her mind, or that you're getting fucked and need to fight.

Can someone explain to me why 90% of the divorces I hear about are because women lack any kind of foresight? I mean we've all heard this story before. Woman is bored, woman leaves man, woman spends next few months/years/whatever being an idiot. Woman's life ends up being total shit. Why do women suffer from the grass is greener complex so strongly? When you're nearing thirty you should probably *gasp* think it the fuck over. Not many dudes I know looking for a chick with two kids in her thirties for anything other than a quick lay if she happens to still look decent.

I mean who was the chick that married Furor? Ravenn wasn't it? She's a prime example of grass is greener complex. She was totally set for life yet it was obviously ritualistic for her to go to Starbucks with her friends and spend his money on coffee all the while bitching about how "HE" doesn't give her enough attention. Now she's a divorced broke ass chick living in Nebraska or wherever with declining looks and no skill set. Typical of all the brilliant bored women out there.

That's just how they are wired. They are subconsciously looking for provisioning for themselves and their children from a stronger male. Its an evolutionarily successful tactic. They can and will rationalize away any excuse to move on to a better deal, and sadly many times the illusion of a potential better deal is enough to start that rationalization wheel spinning, boosted of course by her clucking circle of female frenemies and sycophantic male orbiters. (You go girl.) As far as "when you're nearing 30" the thing you have to realize is that ever since their teens when they menstruated and grew tits, women have grown accustomed to having all men at their beck and call with little to no effort on their part. That can be very hard to give up and the rationalizations also factor in with the belief that there is something intrinsic to them as an individual and not just their youthful sexual worth that allowed them to walk all over men and come out on top for the last 15+ years.

In the long run though, you're right. Contrary to popular belief many men come out ahead in the end post-divorce versus women in earnings and happiness. Sure the extreme examples of child support wage slavery hell take over the common conceptions, but once its all said and done many divorced men find themselves wondering why they let the marriage drag on as long as they did. Someone said it on this board recently, forget if in this thread or GWBYH...."men age like wine, women age like milk". The shitty part is neither of them realize this generally among the masses and both genders would actually be happier and more fulfilled to take the hard truths into account. In the meantime, YOLO! LOL FB status whoring is the meaning of life amirite?

Eh this happened because here was a woman who married a man she met when she was 18. Never went to college, never experienced life and then had a mid life crisis so to speak and wanted freedom all while still having the security involved in having a man in her home.

Sucks dude. Sorry to hear it.