NFL 2019 Season: It's Tricky!

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!

Urlithani

Vyemm Raider
2,029
3,254
I want AB in Miami. Hear me out:

1. We could not possibly be any worse.
2. We would have a week where people would talk about how crazy and stupid we are instead of how bad we are.
3. It would be a fitting desperate end to AB's career and we can fittingly laugh at him even more.

See, he dated a solid 7 for years (Steelers). She wasn't unreasonable but he took her fair treatment of him as that he was deserving more. She gets tired of his shit, and her acquaintance, who was a 6 (Raiders) was thirsty for AB for a while. The 7 parts ways amicably by dumping AB off on her 6 friend.

Now the 6 (Raiders) has wanted him for a long time, so she puts up with all his shit, defends him, does all his laundry and shit. Despite all she does he doesnt wanna go from a 7 to a 6 so he just treats her like shit until she let's him go despite defending him to the very end.

He uses her to get the attention of the Patriots, a 9. The first date goes well, the sex was nice. The 9 appreciates his ability but is aware of he might be a piece of shit. It's only a couple of situations where she overhears from other women that he really is a piece of shit. Being a successful attractive professional the 9 decides she can do better and cuts it off.

Now all the women know, and he can't hook up with anyone. Except for Miami, a fat, ugly, and hairy 2. Obviously AB is saying no to that shit. Until a couple weeks go by, his balls are hanging low, and the offer of dating her and getting to blast ropes all over her face while she begs for more starts to sound really good.

This is how it ends. He gets that evil out, thinks rationally, decides he doesn't wanna be with a nasty 2 even if it's his last chance. A couple weeks later his balls are low again but even the 2-4's won't answer his text. AB becomes an incel who vents his frustration on social media and resorts to a soy based diet in order to harness his sexual urges. "I'm not with any women (football teams) because I don't need them to have a healthy, fulfilling life." He posts on twitter before rubbing it out to porn and crying himself to sleep.
 
  • 5Like
  • 1WTF
  • 1Worf
Reactions: 6 users

Hosix

All labs matter!
4,737
6,642
I want AB in Miami. Hear me out:

1. We could not possibly be any worse.
2. We would have a week where people would talk about how crazy and stupid we are instead of how bad we are.
3. It would be a fitting desperate end to AB's career and we can fittingly laugh at him even more.

See, he dated a solid 7 for years (Steelers). She wasn't unreasonable but he took her fair treatment of him as that he was deserving more. She gets tired of his shit, and her acquaintance, who was a 6 (Raiders) was thirsty for AB for a while. The 7 parts ways amicably by dumping AB off on her 6 friend.

Now the 6 (Raiders) has wanted him for a long time, so she puts up with all his shit, defends him, does all his laundry and shit. Despite all she does he doesnt wanna go from a 7 to a 6 so he just treats her like shit until she let's him go despite defending him to the very end.

He uses her to get the attention of the Patriots, a 9. The first date goes well, the sex was nice. The 9 appreciates his ability but is aware of he might be a piece of shit. It's only a couple of situations where she overhears from other women that he really is a piece of shit. Being a successful attractive professional the 9 decides she can do better and cuts it off.

Now all the women know, and he can't hook up with anyone. Except for Miami, a fat, ugly, and hairy 2. Obviously AB is saying no to that shit. Until a couple weeks go by, his balls are hanging low, and the offer of dating her and getting to blast ropes all over her face while she begs for more starts to sound really good.

This is how it ends. He gets that evil out, thinks rationally, decides he doesn't wanna be with a nasty 2 even if it's his last chance. A couple weeks later his balls are low again but even the 2-4's won't answer his text. AB becomes an incel who vents his frustration on social media and resorts to a soy based diet in order to harness his sexual urges. "I'm not with any women (football teams) because I don't need them to have a healthy, fulfilling life." He posts on twitter before rubbing it out to porn and crying himself to sleep.

That’s an interesting look at things.
 

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
<Silver Donator>
14,671
2,529
"I'm not with any women (football teams) because I don't need them to have a healthy, fulfilling life." He posts on twitter before rubbing it out to porn and crying himself to sleep.

You forgot the last part where he wakes up the next morning with a new sense of purpose and buys an ar15 and a bulletproof best and goes out and shoots up an elementary school.
 
  • 1Worf
Reactions: 1 user

Bubbles

2022 Asshat Award Winner
<Bronze Donator>
45,671
-56,776
I want AB in Miami. Hear me out:

1. We could not possibly be any worse.
2. We would have a week where people would talk about how crazy and stupid we are instead of how bad we are.
3. It would be a fitting desperate end to AB's career and we can fittingly laugh at him even more.

See, he dated a solid 7 for years (Steelers). She wasn't unreasonable but he took her fair treatment of him as that he was deserving more. She gets tired of his shit, and her acquaintance, who was a 6 (Raiders) was thirsty for AB for a while. The 7 parts ways amicably by dumping AB off on her 6 friend.

Now the 6 (Raiders) has wanted him for a long time, so she puts up with all his shit, defends him, does all his laundry and shit. Despite all she does he doesnt wanna go from a 7 to a 6 so he just treats her like shit until she let's him go despite defending him to the very end.

He uses her to get the attention of the Patriots, a 9. The first date goes well, the sex was nice. The 9 appreciates his ability but is aware of he might be a piece of shit. It's only a couple of situations where she overhears from other women that he really is a piece of shit. Being a successful attractive professional the 9 decides she can do better and cuts it off.

Now all the women know, and he can't hook up with anyone. Except for Miami, a fat, ugly, and hairy 2. Obviously AB is saying no to that shit. Until a couple weeks go by, his balls are hanging low, and the offer of dating her and getting to blast ropes all over her face while she begs for more starts to sound really good.

This is how it ends. He gets that evil out, thinks rationally, decides he doesn't wanna be with a nasty 2 even if it's his last chance. A couple weeks later his balls are low again but even the 2-4's won't answer his text. AB becomes an incel who vents his frustration on social media and resorts to a soy based diet in order to harness his sexual urges. "I'm not with any women (football teams) because I don't need them to have a healthy, fulfilling life." He posts on twitter before rubbing it out to porn and crying himself to sleep.

too much thought was put into this... and that is worrying
 
  • 1Solidarity
Reactions: 1 user

zzeris

King Turd of Shit Hill
<Gold Donor>
20,288
85,941
How are the Patriots a 9 and not a 10? Miami fans are retarded.

You never give crazy(or retarded) a 10. Anyone that thought giving AB a chance after the Raiders and Steelers is either retarded....or crazy. You can pick which one.
 
  • 1Like
Reactions: 1 user

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
43,738
52,286
You never give crazy(or retarded) a 10. Anyone that thought giving AB a chance after the Raiders and Steelers is either retarded....or crazy. You can pick which one.

They got one good performance out of him for nearly free and by cutting him so quickly they basically duck all of the flak that should have been headed their way for signing a rapist.
 
  • 3Like
Reactions: 2 users

Brahma

Obi-Bro Kenobi-X
12,511
45,574
I want AB in Miami. Hear me out:

1. We could not possibly be any worse.
2. We would have a week where people would talk about how crazy and stupid we are instead of how bad we are.
3. It would be a fitting desperate end to AB's career and we can fittingly laugh at him even more.

See, he dated a solid 7 for years (Steelers). She wasn't unreasonable but he took her fair treatment of him as that he was deserving more. She gets tired of his shit, and her acquaintance, who was a 6 (Raiders) was thirsty for AB for a while. The 7 parts ways amicably by dumping AB off on her 6 friend.

Now the 6 (Raiders) has wanted him for a long time, so she puts up with all his shit, defends him, does all his laundry and shit. Despite all she does he doesnt wanna go from a 7 to a 6 so he just treats her like shit until she let's him go despite defending him to the very end.

He uses her to get the attention of the Patriots, a 9. The first date goes well, the sex was nice. The 9 appreciates his ability but is aware of he might be a piece of shit. It's only a couple of situations where she overhears from other women that he really is a piece of shit. Being a successful attractive professional the 9 decides she can do better and cuts it off.

Now all the women know, and he can't hook up with anyone. Except for Miami, a fat, ugly, and hairy 2. Obviously AB is saying no to that shit. Until a couple weeks go by, his balls are hanging low, and the offer of dating her and getting to blast ropes all over her face while she begs for more starts to sound really good.

This is how it ends. He gets that evil out, thinks rationally, decides he doesn't wanna be with a nasty 2 even if it's his last chance. A couple weeks later his balls are low again but even the 2-4's won't answer his text. AB becomes an incel who vents his frustration on social media and resorts to a soy based diet in order to harness his sexual urges. "I'm not with any women (football teams) because I don't need them to have a healthy, fulfilling life." He posts on twitter before rubbing it out to porn and crying himself to sleep.

tenor.gif
 
  • 1Worf
Reactions: 1 user

Ambiturner

Ssraeszha Raider
16,043
19,530
They got one good performance out of him for nearly free and by cutting him so quickly they basically duck all of the flak that should have been headed their way for signing a rapist.

He really helped them squeak out that week 2 victory
 
  • 2Worf
Reactions: 1 users

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
<Silver Donator>
14,671
2,529
Love the narrative that somehow the Pats bringing AB in and then cutting him a week later was a stroke of genius and not a fuckup.
 
  • 2Like
Reactions: 1 users

Bubbles

2022 Asshat Award Winner
<Bronze Donator>
45,671
-56,776
Love the narrative that somehow the Pats bringing AB in and then cutting him a week later was a stroke of genius and not a fuckup.

pats will do anything to win games, steal signs, deflate balls, hire idiots and then cut them.
 
  • 1Like
  • 1Worf
Reactions: 1 users

Derkon

Blackwing Lair Raider
2,513
1,269
AB going hard on Twitter today...





Calling out an NFL owner probably ensured he never gets a job again. Though looks like he just wants out anyway.
 

Merrith

Golden Baronet of the Realm
18,415
7,127
Love the narrative that somehow the Pats bringing AB in and then cutting him a week later was a stroke of genius and not a fuckup.

Not sure I saw anyone claim "stroke of genius". More they're the Patriots, and they'll bring him in and if it doesn't work, they wipe their hands clean and that's that. It didn't work, and unsurprisingly, it's because AB was an idiot again.