Article was amusing, and yeah, I don't understand it either. Why not have someone who isn't directly involved in the game anymore, but a symbol of it, do the honors. In the 80's and 90's it could have been Gordie Howe. Since then Gretzky. Or just change it up every year. Perhaps at the start of the series select one appropriate individual that would present to each team, or something.
Or shit, just get Billy Daly to do it. Most people wouldn't know who the fuck he is, and he actually seems like he's a genuinely decent guy. I look forward to him running the league.