Parent Thread

fred sanford · Oct 3, 2017

So this weekend I witnessed the opposite grandparent/grandchild relationship. I took my son to the pool to practice swimming (he's 5) and at one point this grandmother watching her two grandkids yanks the older one, about 7-9 out of the pool and makes him sit down in a chair (while ignoring the 2-3 year old in the water). At this point the kid just starts telling her "I hope you die" over and over so she tells him "good and maybe you'll be next". Thankfully my kid was ignoring them and going about his business but damn they were crazy.

Do people just talk that way to kids now? Maybe I'm old fashioned or I was just raised in a peaceful environment but it seems like everyone I see or hear stories about doesn't bother censoring themselves to their kids. My wife's boss told her a story about his kid who's is in VPK with my son. He yelled 'get the fuck out of the room' the other day because he was trying to get his little brother to spit juice on the new carpet. Granted their kids are crazy anyways but yelling would get the point across, why throw the F bomb in there?

Cad · Oct 3, 2017

Big_w_powah said:
....I can't believe my life right now...My son, staying at my parents for treatment, puts a human sized hole in the wall cause I tell him to turn down his music. I was on the phone with him, while at work, and couldn't hear him.

Then runs to my in laws (who live down the street), and tells them I beat him within an inch of his life (keep in mind, theres not even a bruise on him, and I was still at work when he got to my in laws.

Now they're trying to tell my wife that I HAD to be lying about being at work. Except I badged in literally in the middle of the conversation. I showed my wife evidence, she believes I didnt touch him, but wonders why he said it (I have NEVER touched a kid in my life, with force - I dedicated my life to protecting kids)..At least I have access to the badge/security system at work and can prove my whereabouts.

What the fuck. I think I might lose not only my kid, but my wife and the kid I'm trying to adopt because of this shit. My wife is stuck having to choose me, or her parents, in this matter. It doesn't matter if they're blind to the truth. The stress of that gap/divide is going to cause her to give up one connection. Them or me. How can it not?

My only hope is showing them I didn't do it...but...I have shown them they evidence..They don't seem to want to see the truth.

You need to tell them that you didn't touch him, but even if you did he's your kid and they need to fuck off, and your wife needs to support you. You can not be made to justify your parenting to others.

Cad · Oct 3, 2017

Big_w_powah said:
Well, this morning he told my wife (who told me not to come home last night) that he was lying...She is making him admit it in person to the grand parents.

I don't think its going to matter. There's history between me and the parents. MIL , when I was 16, spouted a series of curses and insults at me. After about 5 minutes I called her a bitch and walked off. Her Husband, my FIL now, tried to hit me with his car and started shoving me. I didn't touch him back, though. I restrained myself.

They were never happy when she ended up with me. I'm sure this will just be ammunition to further the goals they've had since we moved out of us not being together.

Or maybe I'm just tired, sad, depressed, and cynical.

This is a situation your wife needs to handle, honestly. She needs to control the relationship with her parents. In no circumstance should you have direct conflict with them, if you have an issue you should go to her and if they have an issue they should go to her.

And she needs to be the one to enforce that. If she's allowing them to create conflict (or exacerbate conflict) with you to drive you two apart, then she's fucking up.

Big_w_powah · Oct 3, 2017

Cad said:
This is a situation your wife needs to handle, honestly. She needs to control the relationship with her parents. In no circumstance should you have direct conflict with them, if you have an issue you should go to her and if they have an issue they should go to her.

And she needs to be the one to enforce that. If she's allowing them to create conflict (or exacerbate conflict) with you to drive you two apart, then she's fucking up.

We'll see where it all lands..I guess..

Woefully Inept · Oct 3, 2017

Well the miscarriage hasn't resolved itself so we're moving onto methotrexate shots to help clear things out. At this point there is no way it is a viable pregnancy and they have no idea where exactly it's at because by the number it's too small to find. It's still around 200. Numbers need to be around 2000 iirc to be visible. It sucks but I just want this shit resolved safely before there are any real concerns or risks.

Xarpolis · Oct 4, 2017

Since the birth of my son, my 5 year old has wanted to watch childish Youtube videos again. This is the latest one that has her attention.

Anyway, I hate the song. But I get a sick joy out of changing the lyrics a bit.

The song is about a girl asking her little sister to brush her teeth and take a bath and stuff. The kid says no, so to change the kid's mind, the girl says to look how she does it on her stuffed animals.
But she says "see". So when the verse happens, and she's like "see see, teddy likes to brush.", I just say "C, C, stop being a C."

Really fucking stupid, but it gets me through the night.

ToeMissile · Oct 4, 2017

Ahh, there's nothing like a shit-filled diaper at 1:30 am to wake and assail the senses.

Noodleface · Oct 4, 2017

Damn big_w why would your wife leave you over that? Also do you pay the mortgage? I would've said fuck no I own this house im coming home

I ain't jealous of that sitch

chaos · Oct 4, 2017

Yeah man I really don't understand your situation. It sounds like your wife is against you in this.

Cad · Oct 4, 2017

chaos said:
Yeah man I really don't understand your situation. It sounds like your wife is against you in this.

Correct

Big_w_powah and if your wife is against you in this, it's really a wife issue not a parent issue, which was my somewhat inelegantly stated point above.

Siliconemelons · Oct 4, 2017

Parents can disagree on shit in terms of raising kids and how to do it - but never in public or with the kids there - it must be unified front or the kids will just divide and use outside forced to divide you and break you down.

"XYZ Beat me!!!" is usually used by kids who never have had actual physical punishment - its like Obama telling the world "Oh we will NEVER EVER NO MATTER WHAT use nuke." - N Korea makes nukes "now stop that! but...we will never nuke you." they make more nuke.... you dont see Japan making nukes or rattling a saber for global war do you.

alavaz · Oct 4, 2017

fred sanford said:
So this weekend I witnessed the opposite grandparent/grandchild relationship. I took my son to the pool to practice swimming (he's 5) and at one point this grandmother watching her two grandkids yanks the older one, about 7-9 out of the pool and makes him sit down in a chair (while ignoring the 2-3 year old in the water). At this point the kid just starts telling her "I hope you die" over and over so she tells him "good and maybe you'll be next". Thankfully my kid was ignoring them and going about his business but damn they were crazy.

Do people just talk that way to kids now? Maybe I'm old fashioned or I was just raised in a peaceful environment but it seems like everyone I see or hear stories about doesn't bother censoring themselves to their kids. My wife's boss told her a story about his kid who's is in VPK with my son. He yelled 'get the fuck out of the room' the other day because he was trying to get his little brother to spit juice on the new carpet. Granted their kids are crazy anyways but yelling would get the point across, why throw the F bomb in there?

I cuss while yelling (well not really yelling, but stern, no bullshit tone) at my kids sometimes. It's just a bad habit I have, can't really expound much more than that. They know very well not to cuss though and they also know that if I am then they fucked up so I guess it works fine for me.

My older son is starting to push it sometimes, I basically tell him that if I hear him cuss, or some other adult in his life (teachers, grandparents, etc) tell me they heard him cuss he's in big trouble but if it's just him and his friends, well then what I don't know won't hurt.

Noodleface · Oct 4, 2017

My.2.5 year old heard my wife yelling "god damnit" so naturally he goes around screaming that now.

I'm not even embarrassed, I find it so fucking funny when we're on public. It's the meaning of life I'm sure.

Also he says "doggy eats cock" and I have no fucking idea where he picked that up and why he laughs. He could be saying cuck but sometimes he really stresses CAWWWKK

Big_w_powah · Oct 4, 2017

Xadion said:
Parents can disagree on shit in terms of raising kids and how to do it - but never in public or with the kids there - it must be unified front or the kids will just divide and use outside forced to divide you and break you down.

"XYZ Beat me!!!" is usually used by kids who never have had actual physical punishment - its like Obama telling the world "Oh we will NEVER EVER NO MATTER WHAT use nuke." - N Korea makes nukes "now stop that! but...we will never nuke you." they make more nuke.... you dont see Japan making nukes or rattling a saber for global war do you.

Oh, he's been beaten...He was removed from his birth family, for physical abuse.

Siliconemelons · Oct 4, 2017

Well - he's learned that, that "being beaten" is means for him to get his nuclear option.

And as we have gone through many times, proper physical discipline is what I feel and practice as proper. Beating and actual abuse is not.

Him having gone through that etc. Is indeed where even proper physical punishment is not ideal or proper in this case because he does have a skewed history with physical punishment and abuse.

While I stepped in it, I'll wipe it off - and not get back into the discussion on pro or anti spanking on this forum- we have done it.

With that, I feel for you all - and applaud you for loving and caring for a child that is not "blood" but not letting that matter. I hope he sees that and comes to love and respect you and yours.

But I will concur - you and the wife need to get it worked out and united.

Parenting is never easy, never simple and never the same. Again, kudos to you and all parents that want their kids to be and do well and not just think kids are a payday.

Prodigal · Oct 4, 2017

Cad said:
Correct Big_w_powah and if your wife is against you in this, it's really a wife issue not a parent issue, which was my somewhat inelegantly stated point above.

If my wife took anyone's word over mine in a situation like that, she'd be a middle aged divorcée.

Big_w_powah · Oct 4, 2017

Prodigal said:
If my wife took anyone's word over mine in a situation like that, she'd be a middle aged divorcée.

She never didn't believe me. And upon showing her proof/my son's next day confession..She is forcing him to go to the grandparents and tell them he lied.

The problem lies in the fact that the in laws have NEVER liked me. They see my teenage, hate the world, angsty cause its cool, street racing/trouble with the law self. They don't see the IT director at a multinational company, who for years has been a loyal and loving husband to their daughter. They don't see the man who drives 2.5 hours each way to work, to work 60+ hour weeks on average (albeit, thats been lesser last month or so), to provide for his family. They don't see the stalwart defense I have provided my goddamn family from anything that might hurt them.

Instead, they make snide remarks that I take a small portion of my salary each month for a hobby they think is stupid, or tell my wife I might be cheating on her.

I guess I'm just afraid of their fucking mind games finally being able to take root in her brain with as crazy as the other night was.

Springbok · Oct 4, 2017

Woefully Inept said:
Well the miscarriage hasn't resolved itself so we're moving onto methotrexate shots to help clear things out. At this point there is no way it is a viable pregnancy and they have no idea where exactly it's at because by the number it's too small to find. It's still around 200. Numbers need to be around 2000 iirc to be visible. It sucks but I just want this shit resolved safely before there are any real concerns or risks.

Heh, my wife and I went through the same thing back in April of this year, and all of this right before a vacation to Hawaii. She ended up passing it relatively normally and we're now 10 weeks pregnant (/help me) and everything looks really healthy & normal so far. Going through the miscarriage though is a scary thing - not just the losing of the fetus or whatever, but the health risks your wife now has to worry about (not to mention the "will I ever get pregnant again stuff".)

Godspeed, the methotrexate worked quickly on my wife and we went to Hawaii in spite of it all to reset.

meStevo · Oct 4, 2017

meStevo said:
So we're working through the likely possibility that we're going to become guardians of my sister's kids. They're 4 and 7, our kids are 3 and 6. 2 girls (the younger of the 4) and 2 boys.

Sister is a junkie who can't even provide for herself that we're trying to help salvage her life, their father couch surfs between a friend's and parent's house.

It's still hard to even comprehend living with this many children, let alone the daycare costs, car seat logistics (now shopping for a van/crossover w/ captain chairs and a 3rd row, seems to be the best option for easiest in/out w/ 4 car seats?) and a myriad of other things.

Complicating things they're probably both drug babies, 4 year old is probably autistic and her brother is very aggressive and has a lot of issues at school / day care.

Toss in dad being diagnosed w/ cancer (they aren't sure where it begins or ends yet) and an ER trip for me last week (just a kidney stone, but had never been to ER for myself before...) and life is just awesome.

Anyone here have this many kids? We just got Kura beds from Ikea with this possibility in mind, they are being used as bunk beds and are working through everything else as best we can.

As for custody and all that jazz, starting lawyer stuff in a couple weeks.

Brief followup on this:

- met with a lawyer, opted not to throw money in a hole and light it on fire to retain them
- both parents consented to permanent guardianship, this is filed and accepted. Waiting on hearing date so we can serve everyone (all parents and grandparents, no complications expected there) and then get the judgement.
- both parents consented to temporary guardianship in the meantime so we can start transferring schools, their last day at current school is Friday, that's also their first night living with us
- bought a Ford Flex

Just some effective communication and my mom being persistent getting some initial docs signed and everything went pretty smoothly. Now for the hard part, but hey, one day at a time.

chaos · Oct 4, 2017

Big_w_powah said:
She never didn't believe me. And upon showing her proof/my son's next day confession..She is forcing him to go to the grandparents and tell them he lied.

The problem lies in the fact that the in laws have NEVER liked me. They see my teenage, hate the world, angsty cause its cool, street racing/trouble with the law self. They don't see the IT director at a multinational company, who for years has been a loyal and loving husband to their daughter. They don't see the man who drives 2.5 hours each way to work, to work 60+ hour weeks on average (albeit, thats been lesser last month or so), to provide for his family. They don't see the stalwart defense I have provided my goddamn family from anything that might hurt them.

Instead, they make snide remarks that I take a small portion of my salary each month for a hobby they think is stupid, or tell my wife I might be cheating on her.

I guess I'm just afraid of their fucking mind games finally being able to take root in her brain with as crazy as the other night was.

Dude, it's time to cut them the fuck off.

That may sound harsh, but this is your family they're fucking with.

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