Parent Thread

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Ao-

Ao-

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Bandwagon said:
I've spent my entire adult life travelling and doing whatever the hell I want. I was never in any one spot for more than 12 months (with a couple exceptions), then I'd pick up and move with $600 in my pocket and a 1 way plane ticket. I've been in the same place for a little over 3 years now and this is the longest I've stayed anywhere since beforebI graduated high school.

I think it's just the realization that I'm losing the ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and how many friends I've seen crushed by that. Add on the fact that parenthood isn't appealing to me at all and Bandwagon is a sad panda.

I'm going to give myself another week of bitching, moping and self sorrow, and then I guess I'll have to get my head in the game. I'm not ready to deal with this mentally yet.
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Don't do anything life-risking, but talk with the spouse about setting yourself up on something epic before the kid comes, to help get your head in the game of being a parent.

I don't know too much about your personality/situation, but look at being a parent this way:
All the fun of just go doing whatever the fuck you want still can happen (to a degree), you just have to bring the kids with you. Get them into the same sort of stuff, and you now have adventure buddies.

For me, I've already got all 3 kids (6yo/4yo/2yo) riding bicycles without training wheels, and I've started the oldest on easy mountain bike trails. They all are doing swimming lessons (the older two can free swim). They all love the outdoors and adore going to grandma and grandpa's farms (both sides of our family have them). They all can ride horseback with assistance. Once each of them are a bit more self-sufficient on what they can carry and how they can eat, we'll start hiking. Then we'll move to backpacking, and eventually bikepacking.
 
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Bandwagon

Bandwagon

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Thanks Ao, that does actually help a bit. "Adventure Buddy". :)

Makes me think about how getting into photography was the best hobby ever, because it's the motivation/excuse to go on so many adventures.

I'm sure I'll be having another mental crisis about this soon and I'll give a bit more context about the situation too.
 
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Ao-

Ao-

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Bandwagon said:
Thanks Ao, that does actually help a bit. "Adventure Buddy". :)

Makes me think about how getting into photography was the best hobby ever, because it's the motivation/excuse to go on so many adventures.

I'm sure I'll be having another mental crisis about this soon and I'll give a bit more context about the situation too.
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Man, this year has been GREAT for me as a parent of future adventurers.
6 year old biked 7 miles on gravel with me, did a triathlon, and passed her deep water swimming test.
4 year old pass his swimming test and did 5 miles on gravel with me.
2 year old is starting to float and is biking by himself.
All three of them loved going RV camping with me. It's beginning!

Get a shitty point and shoot when the kid understand how "point and shoot" works, and let them take photos. Some of my favorite pictures are my kids taking them.
 
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Cad

Cad

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loudgas said:
Switching gears here, how much has parenthood diminished sex in your marriage?
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Hasn't. Aside from times where we are physically unable due to the children being in our bed (or hotel room on trips, etc) we have it as much as we did before kids.

There's absolutely no reason you should have less sex after a kid, physically anyway.
 
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loudgas

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Well perhaps its more age than parenthood. Being together for 25yrs could be a factor too.
 
Crone

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Not that this helps Bandwagon Bandwagon but I've got 3 kids age 4 and younger and I still struggle with lack of freedom sometimes.
 
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ToeMissile

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Crone said:
Not that this helps Bandwagon Bandwagon but I've got 3 kids age 4 and younger and I still struggle with lack of freedom sometimes.
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Granted we only have 1, but the wife and I just make sure the other has a chance see friends/have alone/non-home time at least once a month.
 
Bandwagon

Bandwagon

Kolohe
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XAhwaGj.jpg
 
A

a_skeleton_03

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Bandwagon said:
Don't they just take care of eachother when you have more than one? Like battle buddies?
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I have twins that are now 16. If you get boy/boy or girl/girl they will get along a lot better. They will have that buddy. They will still fight about a lot of things but they have a common ground to fall back on.

If you get opposites like me ....

Can't have the same friends.
Can't share clothes.
Can't take baths together.
Can't share a room after a certain age.
Mature at a different age.
Issues hanging out boyfriends and girlfriends.

That's off the top of my head but yeah they are nothing alike at all.

They really need to have independent identities in every way that you can. Tell the schools they go to that you want them in separate classes every time it is possible. It allows them to not be a pair always lumped together. Let them have their individual styles both in decorating their own bedroom and the clothes they wear etc.. Twins really need to feel like their own person instead of 1/2 of an equation.
 
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meStevo

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Nephew gashed my son's head with a Thomas Train, and when we cancel pumpkin carving his dad complains that he has 4 pumpkins, what is he going to do with them now and asks if we can 'just take away his ipad or something'. I hate shitty parents. Their mom has the same problem... moved into a 1-bedroom apartment with her boyfriend and misses opportunities to see her kids our our dad who looks like death 2 chemo treatments in, but 'can't wait to get her kids back'.

Both focused on how things affect them, have never onced asked them how they are doing in school, how are they doing/sleeping/etc in our house, what doctors have said, etc.

I never really realized how much these two children were being raised by children.

Got my niece into the pediatrician's office, the one that everyone has said seems to be clearly autistic to some degree. Autism ended up being 'really low' on the list of concerns. She clearly has a lazy eye but apparently it's more than that, it's random eye movements with both eyes, so we have a referral to a neurologist for that. Has a couple of really bad teeth, unclear if she's ever been to a dentist. Occupational and speech therapist say she's really bright but definetly in the spectrum, it's emotions that she has problems with. "kind of like a genius who is emotionally dull" or something was how my wife put it. If we could get the eye stuff figured out and make it so her teeth hurt I feel like she could really flourish with the right help, that will be a really nice place to get to, and it's so upsetting this process didn't happen years ago.

My nephew has issues respecting personal space, whether it's hugging, hitting, biting, kissing. So yeah, when he gashes my son's head with a train after 3 weeks of working on respecting people's personal space we're not just going to 'take away his ipad'.

I'm far from a perfect parent, but clearly neglectful, self-centered, path of least resistance parents are infuriating.
 
lurkingdirk

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a_skeleton_03 said:
I have twins that are now 16. If you get boy/boy or girl/girl they will get along a lot better. They will have that buddy. They will still fight about a lot of things but they have a common ground to fall back on.

If you get opposites like me ....

Can't have the same friends.
Can't share clothes.
Can't take baths together.
Can't share a room after a certain age.
Mature at a different age.
Issues hanging out boyfriends and girlfriends.

That's off the top of my head but yeah they are nothing alike at all.

They really need to have independent identities in every way that you can. Tell the schools they go to that you want them in separate classes every time it is possible. It allows them to not be a pair always lumped together. Let them have their individual styles both in decorating their own bedroom and the clothes they wear etc.. Twins really need to feel like their own person instead of 1/2 of an equation.
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How did I miss that we're twin buddies? My twins are 16, too, but they're identical girls, so in some ways earlier. But, not as much as you might imagine. There's some serious competition for friends.
They definitely want their own wardrobe, and don't want to share (except for the shit they steal from their mom).
They definitely bathed together, and still they are sharing the bathroom while they take turns showering, so that makes mornings easier.
They don't share a room, they REALLY wanted their own space - they have so much in common that carving out a personal space at home made sense to us as parents. We have a house that allows that.
Even though they're identical, one hit puberty a bit earlier, and developed more, so she garners more attention from the boys at school, and that creates tension like you wouldn't believe. I've heard several times the discussion go something like "yeah, well I've got bigger boobs." "yea? You're also 15 pounds heavier." Stupid, as 99% of people can't tell them apart, and the differences really are minuscule, but it drives them to fight.
Neither is interested in dating, but they definitely have interests in exactly the same boys.

I'm not going to lie, I have amazing kids, and the twins take care of their siblings and each other more than I could possibly hope. But they still have their own issues that only twins can have. They both play soccer like crazy, but one is honestly better than the other, and they both know it. And they're both pissed that their younger sister is running circles around them. And she's taller.

Kids are so easy, right?
 
Bandwagon

Bandwagon

Kolohe
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chaos said:
rofl you poor bastard
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I'm so uncomfortable around infants that I had to teach the BLS portion of every pediatric drill at the fire department. @AngryGerbil

I've been cleaning the kitchen for the last two hours trying to figure out if 90% of my fear/apprehension with this situation is just the first 2 years.
 
Noodleface

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My kid doesn't care about anything in the kitchen. I locked the chemicals away but otherwise aside from randomly grabbing a box of snacks he doesn't care
 
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