Parent Thread
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Noodleface
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Shouldn't call him names
I had my first time today where I actually felt like a piece of shit to my kid. We've been having bed time problems. He's always "scared", it's horse shit because he says he's scared of the first thing he sees - "daddy I'm scared of my water bottle" for instance. It's a long song and dance to get him down.
Since he's 3 we've been threatening to take stuff away and following through. Stuff like no tv time or outside the next day, etc. By the way, I realize that sounds like a prison thing.
Last night my wife threatened beach time, which is his 100% favorite activity. He spent an hour running in and out of the room laughing hysterically even after the threat. Finally I went up because my wife is useless (I don't interfere with her parenting unless it's seriously wrong), put on my dad voice and said "IT IS TIME FOR BED! GO TO SLEEP!" And I must've scared the shit out of him because he did.
Anyways this morning my wife is hemming and hawing because she made a beach trip with my sister. My oldest strips naked to put on his bathing suit and I said "do you remember what mommy said last night?" And he burst into screaming tears. For 30 minutes, nonstop screaming crying, full body convulsions. My wife of course feels bad and says she's 50/50 so I got pissed and was like 'fine you deal with it' and she gave me some shit about how I need to make decisions. Well... I already did... Ok digressing here a bit.
The problem with all of this is my kid doesn't listen. He doesn't hear us say we're taking away the beach. He's extremely hyperactive. Runs nonstop, bouncing off the walls. NEVER listens unless we yell his name over and over. I genuinely don't know if this will even register at all in his brain. We're sitting here while everyone else went to the beach and he's acting like nothing even happened.
My wife did say perhaps "we" shouldn't have threatened something so big such as the beach since he's "only" 3, but I'm feeling like a real big piece of shit today.
My feeling is a 3 year old SHOULD understand cause/effect, but at the same time he's only 3. Not sure I did the right thing.
I had my first time today where I actually felt like a piece of shit to my kid. We've been having bed time problems. He's always "scared", it's horse shit because he says he's scared of the first thing he sees - "daddy I'm scared of my water bottle" for instance. It's a long song and dance to get him down.
Since he's 3 we've been threatening to take stuff away and following through. Stuff like no tv time or outside the next day, etc. By the way, I realize that sounds like a prison thing.
Last night my wife threatened beach time, which is his 100% favorite activity. He spent an hour running in and out of the room laughing hysterically even after the threat. Finally I went up because my wife is useless (I don't interfere with her parenting unless it's seriously wrong), put on my dad voice and said "IT IS TIME FOR BED! GO TO SLEEP!" And I must've scared the shit out of him because he did.
Anyways this morning my wife is hemming and hawing because she made a beach trip with my sister. My oldest strips naked to put on his bathing suit and I said "do you remember what mommy said last night?" And he burst into screaming tears. For 30 minutes, nonstop screaming crying, full body convulsions. My wife of course feels bad and says she's 50/50 so I got pissed and was like 'fine you deal with it' and she gave me some shit about how I need to make decisions. Well... I already did... Ok digressing here a bit.
The problem with all of this is my kid doesn't listen. He doesn't hear us say we're taking away the beach. He's extremely hyperactive. Runs nonstop, bouncing off the walls. NEVER listens unless we yell his name over and over. I genuinely don't know if this will even register at all in his brain. We're sitting here while everyone else went to the beach and he's acting like nothing even happened.
My wife did say perhaps "we" shouldn't have threatened something so big such as the beach since he's "only" 3, but I'm feeling like a real big piece of shit today.
My feeling is a 3 year old SHOULD understand cause/effect, but at the same time he's only 3. Not sure I did the right thing.
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I think they involuntarily push the boundaries with parents and are bored/too comfortable at home.
My 6 year old has been doing the exact same thing for a couple of years now. If I try to ask him something and he's not paying attention, I test him, and sure enough if I say 'cookie' or 'ice cream' his listening volume is at 11. I was surprised when I went to a regular conference with VPK teachers and they told me how good he listens and is well behaved. I've also noticed he listens to us in public.
My 6 year old has been doing the exact same thing for a couple of years now. If I try to ask him something and he's not paying attention, I test him, and sure enough if I say 'cookie' or 'ice cream' his listening volume is at 11. I was surprised when I went to a regular conference with VPK teachers and they told me how good he listens and is well behaved. I've also noticed he listens to us in public.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Thankfully he starts preschool in a month so I'm hoping it helps quell his boredom. A big problem is he's too smart for his own good and gets bored easily. Literally the first things he started saying when he started talking werr all 26 letters of the alphabet and numbers 0-10. This is something I feel they'll teach and he'll be bored. He's at the point we could probably teach him to read since he can already read letters and numbers.
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Dude, I think you did the right thing. Following through on consequences is one of the shittiest thing being a parent. It makes you feel like you're putting your kid in prison, it actually often punishes you as much as the kid (no beach for either of you, for example), and 9 times out of 10, the kid doesn't even seem to notice. However, I promise you the kid notices.
Strength, brother. Consistency in enforcing consequences is a very good thing in my opinion. I know he's three, but he recognizes consequences. I have friends whose kids were all very much the same way - not seeming to listen. They were very consistent, and when their kids went to preschool the transition was perfectly seamless. They understood that there were rules, and not following them meant there were consequences.
Parenting is hard. Sometimes people remember this, and do great things for their adult kids. My mother is coming in a few weeks to spend a Thursday through Monday with my kids. She'll make sure they get to school, practice, do their homework/practice instruments, all that shit, so my wife and I can go away. We're actually going to an all inclusive resort in Mexico. We never vacation like this, and I think it will be awesome for us to just sit back and relax without the kids.
But then there's the guilt of enjoying time away from the kids, and some desire on our part to have the kids share that experience with us. But we'll get over it.
Strength, brother. Consistency in enforcing consequences is a very good thing in my opinion. I know he's three, but he recognizes consequences. I have friends whose kids were all very much the same way - not seeming to listen. They were very consistent, and when their kids went to preschool the transition was perfectly seamless. They understood that there were rules, and not following them meant there were consequences.
Parenting is hard. Sometimes people remember this, and do great things for their adult kids. My mother is coming in a few weeks to spend a Thursday through Monday with my kids. She'll make sure they get to school, practice, do their homework/practice instruments, all that shit, so my wife and I can go away. We're actually going to an all inclusive resort in Mexico. We never vacation like this, and I think it will be awesome for us to just sit back and relax without the kids.
But then there's the guilt of enjoying time away from the kids, and some desire on our part to have the kids share that experience with us. But we'll get over it.
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Arative
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My kid is pretty much the same way about bed time. He'll bounce off the walls, jump around on furniture, run around screaming. He feeds off our energy, so the angrier and more frustrated I get the worse it becomes. Taking things away, he doesn't care. Picking him up and putting him bed just resulted in him jumping out and running around.
Talking calmly and quietly results in a better outcome rather than yelling and doesn't give him the energy to act wild.
My wife and I've found making games out of things, gets what we want without the issues. Like when it is time to brush his teeth, I'll say I bet you can't beat me to the bathroom and he'll run to beat me. I always read him books before bed time. Usually its three books, two in his rocking chair sitting on my lap, one in the bed. He'll ask for 1 more book and instead of saying no, we only do 3 books and that causes a fit, reading one more book gets us both what we want, an easier bed time.
Here is a book I've started to read and my wife did before she went back to work. I'm only on the second section but I see a lot of what I was doing that was causing issues at bed time and in general with behavior
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Easy-to-...175035&wl11=online&wl12=1624671&wl13=&veh=sem
Also today was our first day of preschool. Went better than I expected. No tears or anything when I dropped him off. He did though try to claim he was sick and couldn't get out of the car.
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Oh, and four of my children are now at one school, and only one at a different school. The oldest two can drive the next two to school, and they all have soccer practice at the same time in the same place. It's fucking glorious.
Quineloe
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So we were on summer vacation in southern France, like right next to the Mediterranean, but there also was this amazing pool area so we spent a lot of time there as well.
My daughter is now 3 years, 8 months and we've decided to go without swimmies/floaties in all the pools, 160cm, 90cm or just 25cm. Of course only letting her out of reach in the very shallow one, but she did get away like 1-2m from us on her own in the 90cm one with just her Moana swim ring to hold on to. And on the last few days she started diving on her own.
And I just can't believe how far behind some other children are on the whole water thing. I've seen a boy, born 14th of August 2013, who was still wearing swimmies to the 25cm pool. I've even seen a girl, born September 20th 2011 who was using swimmies in the 90cm one. She could easily stand in that thing, but no... had to wear em. And a girl, 3rd of May 2015, arm swimmies, belly swimmy, and always both parents right next to her in the shallow end of the 25cm pool. She couldn't drown there if she tried ffs.
what the fuck people, teach your children to swim for fucks sake. I've seen enough gnomes drown in the fountains in front of the Estate of Unrest to know better.
My daughter is now 3 years, 8 months and we've decided to go without swimmies/floaties in all the pools, 160cm, 90cm or just 25cm. Of course only letting her out of reach in the very shallow one, but she did get away like 1-2m from us on her own in the 90cm one with just her Moana swim ring to hold on to. And on the last few days she started diving on her own.
And I just can't believe how far behind some other children are on the whole water thing. I've seen a boy, born 14th of August 2013, who was still wearing swimmies to the 25cm pool. I've even seen a girl, born September 20th 2011 who was using swimmies in the 90cm one. She could easily stand in that thing, but no... had to wear em. And a girl, 3rd of May 2015, arm swimmies, belly swimmy, and always both parents right next to her in the shallow end of the 25cm pool. She couldn't drown there if she tried ffs.
what the fuck people, teach your children to swim for fucks sake. I've seen enough gnomes drown in the fountains in front of the Estate of Unrest to know better.
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Quineloe
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Man, just like that family two tents over last week during our vacation. That kid was around 3 as well, and threw tantrums for half an hour and more. Thankfully I really learned how to tune out children not my own, else this would have driven me crazy. Too bad I don't understand French, I would have loved to know what it was about.
I don't know what to tell you, my daughter's tantrums last no longer than five minutes at worst. The biggest challenge right now seems to be to get her to stop saying "I want X" whenever she wants something.
Hateyou
Not Great, Not Terrible
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You did the right thing. You have to follow through or they know your threats are hollow. I see night and day differences between kids that have parents who do and don’t follow through. I have a 3.5 year old, so I feel your pain. It sucks punishing them but if you don’t youre raising a future piece of shit.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Couple of things, just my thoughts here not criticism ok?
I'd try to make the "threats" and punishments have a little shorter term and smaller impact so he can understand the cause/effect a little more. Such as: stop this NOW or you lose your ipad/tv/dinner/etc NOW. Kids that age don't really understand "tomorrow" and they will have forgotten the behavior that caused them to not be able to go by tomorrow. They do understand right now.
I'd also try not to threaten with huge things, they don't really understand consequences well. I'd try to make it like, you're going to lose your ipad for an hour. You're going to take a nap now, you're going to bed early (now), etc. Stuff like that. With my youngest I've had good luck with having "strikes" that mean he has to go to bed 15 minutes early, and it adds up. So if his bed time is 8:30 then I'll say, do you want to go to bed early? It's going to be 8:15 now... and if he doesn't then it's 8:15. Later it's backed down to 8. He's had to go to bed at 7:30 before and he remembers it.
You (and your wife) need to be careful to make the consequences consistent and not reverse yourself or let him get away with it too much once you decide there are consequences. Don't ever reverse yourself for crying or fit throwing.
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Springbok
Karen
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Regime
LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...
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Prodigal
Shitlord, Offender of the Universe
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Son starts his senior year today, so we’ll have an empty nest come next year. I used to think how awesome that would be, but now the thought of having to deal with my wife’s emotions with no kids is terrifying. Almost makes me hope my daughter moves back in after college so they can watch Hallmark movies together.
On a positive note, son had 17 tackles, forced a fumble and blocked a PAT Friday night.
On a positive note, son had 17 tackles, forced a fumble and blocked a PAT Friday night.
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LiquidDeath
Magnus Deadlift the Fucktiger
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Cad said some good things.
One thing that would help you tremendously, I think, is start referring specifically to "punishment" or "trouble. Anytime he is doing undesirable things say "If you don't stop now you are going to get punished" or "You have until the count of three and then you will get punished". If he doesn't comply, you say "Okay, you didn't listen, the punishment is X." This is very helpful because you can make X whatever you want and so the punishment can fit the crime. Also, you never have to over-commit and threaten to take away things that you weren't intending to take away in the first place, like the trip to the beach.
Take heart, though, between 3 and 4 is when most kids start developing the ability to rationalize. You are certainly not the only parent that feels like your kid never listens. It is what kids do, you just have to be consistent with them and follow through on your threats so they know you are serious.
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Another issue I'd bring up is the difference between punishment and consequences... it might sound like it is only semantics, but it's a good frame of mind.
"Do x, and you get punished" versus "if you fuck up, these are the known consequences".
It translates a bit more literally to real life: if I touch a hot stove I don't get punished, I have consequences of being burned.
"Do x, and you get punished" versus "if you fuck up, these are the known consequences".
It translates a bit more literally to real life: if I touch a hot stove I don't get punished, I have consequences of being burned.
a c i d.f l y
ಠ_ಠ
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Daughter hit 4 months a week ago, and has been the most wonderful week of the past year as she's now SLEEPING THROUGH THE GOD DAMN NIGHT, HALLELUJAH! She goes down at 7:30PM, and up around 5-6AM, diaper change, 2-4oz of formula/breast milk, then back to sleep until roughly 8AM. Then she goes through the standard 90 minute cycles, 90 minutes awake, 90 minutes asleep, for most of the day. Seriously, I didn't realize how much of a zombie I had been until I woke up this morning actually feeling refreshed, and almost a little guilty (lol, wut?). Also, jesus christ this child is so much like me. When she's tired, she's the crankiest little shit ever, fights sleep to the last second before passing out, though I'm sure that's pretty much every child and one point or another, I'm a 36 year old who goes doesn't tend to go to sleep until I'm absolutely fuckin' delirious (until I had a kid that that prevented me from sleeping for more than 45 minutes at a time).
Noodleface
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Our second is the same way. Fights sleep like going to bed is death, but once he falls asleep he's done. The first was different. After the intro collicky stage, he would go to bed at 830PM and sleep 13 hours straight. When he'd wake he'd quietly play in his crib until we got him.
As for the first kid and bedtime troubles. We started a bit calmer this week. He comes out every time still, but we simply ask him what bed time means and what he's supposed to do and he goes to sleep. I get easily worked up at bedtime because this has been going on and off for about a year now, maybe more.
As for the first kid and bedtime troubles. We started a bit calmer this week. He comes out every time still, but we simply ask him what bed time means and what he's supposed to do and he goes to sleep. I get easily worked up at bedtime because this has been going on and off for about a year now, maybe more.