Parent Thread

Captain Suave · Nov 5, 2019

Gurgeh said:
So i'm telling her to try to find more peaceful ways to settle these problems

Quineloe · Nov 6, 2019

4 year olds are such terrible liars.

Did you wash your hands? *silence* uhm uhm uhm... YES!

and I can't even begin to describe how much her facial expressions gave it away on top.

iannis · Nov 6, 2019

Gurgeh said:
My daughter, getting close to 3, is bitting other kids. The problem is that she does it in "self defence", I've witnessed it twice yesterday, she's playing with a toy, a kid comes near her and try to take the toy off her hands. So she bites her. Then she's sitting in a chair, a kid is trying to push her out of it, and again, she bites. On the one hand, it's very efficient as the other kids run away crying, on the other hand, I'm not sure I should encourage violence... So i'm telling her to try to find more peaceful ways to settle these problems but it feels like she didn't find the advice very useful.
If I tell her off sternly she'll probably listen, but it also mean she'll give up what the other kids want whenever they go after her, which isn't a very desirable outcome.

So do you feel I'm right to just tell her it's not the proper way to deal with that, half convincingly or small I just crack down on her?

Maybe tell her that the threat is often as effective as the action.

Translated to little girl. She won't understand that. It specially if you say it in english.

She'll learn how to posture.

chaos · Nov 7, 2019

Gurgeh said:
My daughter, getting close to 3, is bitting other kids. The problem is that she does it in "self defence", I've witnessed it twice yesterday, she's playing with a toy, a kid comes near her and try to take the toy off her hands. So she bites her. Then she's sitting in a chair, a kid is trying to push her out of it, and again, she bites. On the one hand, it's very efficient as the other kids run away crying, on the other hand, I'm not sure I should encourage violence... So i'm telling her to try to find more peaceful ways to settle these problems but it feels like she didn't find the advice very useful.
If I tell her off sternly she'll probably listen, but it also mean she'll give up what the other kids want whenever they go after her, which isn't a very desirable outcome.

So do you feel I'm right to just tell her it's not the proper way to deal with that, half convincingly or small I just crack down on her?

That's the whole thing, balancing the requirement that they not use violence vs self advocacy. Help her learn about boundaries and proper escalation. It takes time but they get it.

Uber Uberest · Nov 7, 2019

Leadaas said:
Son is 18 months old now. Hardest and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

Wife is pregnant with our second, another boy, and we’re trying to figure out how to prepare this kid that his world is about to be turned upside down and he will no longer get 100% attention from mom and dad. She’s due in three months so they’ll be about 21 months apart.

It takes every ounce of energy I have to keep him from finding ways to kill himself as it is so I’m not terribly excited for the next year or two, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out. Nice part is we saved all the baby stuff so we have nothing we need to buy.

My boys are 16 months apart, you'll figure it out. Plus they will keep each other entertained, and when you are playing with one inevitably the second comes over and they are both getting your love. Great times, they are currently 3 and 2, just awesome times.

Hosix · Nov 7, 2019

Leadaas said:
Son is 18 months old now. Hardest and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

Wife is pregnant with our second, another boy, and we’re trying to figure out how to prepare this kid that his world is about to be turned upside down and he will no longer get 100% attention from mom and dad. She’s due in three months so they’ll be about 21 months apart.

It takes every ounce of energy I have to keep him from finding ways to kill himself as it is so I’m not terribly excited for the next year or two, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out. Nice part is we saved all the baby stuff so we have nothing we need to buy.

Mine are 2 years apart. In December they will be 11 and 13. They adjust and do things together. They totally entertain each other.

But they will also fight. Nerf weapons and pillows.

Araysar · Nov 10, 2019

What skills should I be learning and materials I should be reading for the next 8 months while my wife is pregnant?

Prodigal · Nov 10, 2019

Patience and the forum.

Araysar · Nov 10, 2019

Prodigal said:
Patience and the forum.

Sounds like this fatherhood thing is going to be super easy!

Prodigal · Nov 10, 2019

Joking aside I’ll defer to the many guys who have younger kids, as mine are both out of the house for the most part. I do remember before my first thinking that kids aren’t fun until they are at least sitting up and moving around - but it’s pretty damn cool when they’re tiny too.

Ao- · Nov 11, 2019

Prodigal said:
Joking aside I’ll defer to the many guys who have younger kids, as mine are both out of the house for the most part. I do remember before my first thinking that kids aren’t fun until they are at least sitting up and moving around - but it’s pretty damn cool when they’re tiny too.

Babies are cute for about 10 seconds... then it's changing diapers and letting the wife breastfeed. Once they get out of the caterpillar phase they are fun.

For skills, patience (got mine from doing yoga), running on near-zero sleep, and exercising with no motivation.

McQueen · Nov 11, 2019

Nope. Bad read. Not my problem. Don’t care.

Gavinmad · Nov 11, 2019

McQueen said:
What are my and/or girlfriend-o’s potential options to remedy the situation?

None, unless you think the falling apart state run facility CPS would take the kid to would be an improvement over his parents. To be blunt, it really isn't any of your business anyway.

Soygen · Nov 11, 2019

Gurgeh said:
My daughter, getting close to 3, is bitting other kids. The problem is that she does it in "self defence", I've witnessed it twice yesterday, she's playing with a toy, a kid comes near her and try to take the toy off her hands. So she bites her. Then she's sitting in a chair, a kid is trying to push her out of it, and again, she bites. On the one hand, it's very efficient as the other kids run away crying, on the other hand, I'm not sure I should encourage violence... So i'm telling her to try to find more peaceful ways to settle these problems but it feels like she didn't find the advice very useful.
If I tell her off sternly she'll probably listen, but it also mean she'll give up what the other kids want whenever they go after her, which isn't a very desirable outcome.

So do you feel I'm right to just tell her it's not the proper way to deal with that, half convincingly or small I just crack down on her?

3 years old is not the age to teach them to physically fight back. They are too stupid to know when it matters. I would crack down on it, and if you witness it, also crack down on the kid who is trying to push her/take her shit. My daughter was biting kids left and right. Fortunately, she's stopped(she'll be 3 in March). I have no concerns that she'll be able to take care of herself still.

Ronaan · Nov 12, 2019

lurkingdirk said:
I mean at school. High school. You can't just walk out of class, you have to raise your hand and ask.

Yeah that worked out fine in 1981 when a 2nd grade kid* tried raising his hand for what felt like eternity. The fucking penguin told him to wait and made all kids gather in a circle instead to show them something. Then said kid pissed down his pants leg just in front of the penguin.

*me

Quineloe · Nov 12, 2019

Hosix said:
Mine are 2 years apart. In December they will be 11 and 13. They adjust and do things together. They totally entertain each other.

But they will also fight. Nerf weapons and pillows.

Yesterday for the very first time my four year old handed toys to the baby when she started crying. The relief you feel when for once you don't have to get up yourself is immeasurable

Quineloe · Nov 12, 2019

Araysar said:
What skills should I be learning and materials I should be reading for the next 8 months while my wife is pregnant?

If you can put in 3-4 hours every day for those 8 months to learn the mystery that is clothing sizes, you might just understand what sizes you need and which your child has already outgrown. State secrets such as when s stands for small, and when it stands for supergiant. Why this L is smaller than this M (from the same brand) and of course why 68-74 is a thing. Is it 68? Is it 74? Couldn't you make up your mind?!

Hosix · Nov 12, 2019

Araysar said:
What skills should I be learning and materials I should be reading for the next 8 months while my wife is pregnant?

Practice making bottles while half asleep.

Exercising with no motivation as mentioned above.

chaos · Nov 12, 2019

Quineloe said:
Yesterday for the very first time my four year old handed toys to the baby when she started crying. The relief you feel when for once you don't have to get up yourself is immeasurable

When they're young, seeing the older sibling actually care about the younger ones and help take care of them is so awesome. Now that mine are a little older, I spend most of my time telling the oldest she isn't in charge of her younger sisters and needs to back the fuck off. Sometimes though she does try and help.

Captain Suave · Nov 12, 2019

Hosix said:
Practice making bottles while half asleep.

Also:

- Working while half asleep
- Driving while half asleep
- Remembering fondly what it was like to have time to shop, cook, clean, do laundry
- Keeping a list of shows you'd like to watch in 10 years when you have discretionary time again

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