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Noodleface

Noodleface

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Oblio said:
I am curious what your perspective is/was as the step-brother growing up with them in the same house I assume? Would you say it was an overall positive experience for you that gave you some perspective on life at a young age? Or was it terrible and exposed you to shitty things at too young of an age? Or fill in the blank?

Please take your time and give me as much info as you are willing to share. Something that has been in the back of my mind through this whole process is how will this affect my Bio-Kids?
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Hey man sure I can give some perspective.. first, the kids lived with my stepfather's ex wife and had weekend visitation at our house (8 kids combined, that sucked ass for many years). There were points through the years where step siblings would live with us for months/year+, including both with FASD. The bad one sucked ass. He lied about EVERYTHING and stole the identities of every single person in the house. This crept up on me when I purchased my first house, it was caught too late and fucked our rate. Him being around was always a bad time, but it wasn't as often as the other kids so we mostly ignored him.

The good brother was much cooler to have around. He was always very nice, got along with our friends, and generally was harmless. He was mentally 13, so as we aged it was hard to relate. He's tough to talk to now beyond just saying hi and asking how he's doing. I think my brother and I always considered him another brother, while the bad one we considered a piece of shit.

He wasn't without faults. He could get on your nerves because he constantly repeats things he finds funny. Like 20 years later he still brings up the same jokes about us liking Michael Jackson. He was also easily manipulated. Some people did harmless things, like we once had him call McDonald's and complain his food was bad for free food. Other people made him do things that kids shouldn't know about. The reason I call the bad brother an asshole is because he may have raped him, the story is unclear but it's what I pieced together.

In general I think it gave us a perspective on life that's positive. My mother worked with the mentally retarded and he was FASD so we never made fun of those people. You know how kids are aboit that stuff, we just weren't..

We grew up pretty fast though with all this. I remember when the good brother met his bio dad for the first time and he just hated him (he was a real piece of shit). I had never experienced that side of life before. Or the time that his girlfriend was in the hospital and just died (she was severely disabled). Just things that I otherwise would've never experienced. I also saw him both shine and volunteer several years in the special Olympics. I would say knowing him shaped me.

If you're worried about your bio kids just sit and talk to them about it. We never talked about it and just had this stuff thrown at us.

INB4 people tell me I called everyone in the guild retarded all the time. That's because you guys were.
 
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Noodleface

Noodleface

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No problem. It's hard to really sum up knowing the guy for 20+ years so if you have other questions feel free to ask
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Oblio said:
Any updates that you are comfortable with sharing?
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Sure, we've been exchanging emails. She lives in FL and I have 2 adopted sisters. I am a rape baby so she's not keen on telling me who bio dad is. She wants to do a DNA test, which is fine by me. She can program, so I won't have to help her program a VCR if we ever meet.
 
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Springbok

Springbok

Karen
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Noodleface said:
Hey man sure I can give some perspective.. first, the kids lived with my stepfather's ex wife and had weekend visitation at our house (8 kids combined, that sucked ass for many years). There were points through the years where step siblings would live with us for months/year+, including both with FASD. The bad one sucked ass. He lied about EVERYTHING and stole the identities of every single person in the house. This crept up on me when I purchased my first house, it was caught too late and fucked our rate. Him being around was always a bad time, but it wasn't as often as the other kids so we mostly ignored him.

The good brother was much cooler to have around. He was always very nice, got along with our friends, and generally was harmless. He was mentally 13, so as we aged it was hard to relate. He's tough to talk to now beyond just saying hi and asking how he's doing. I think my brother and I always considered him another brother, while the bad one we considered a piece of shit.

He wasn't without faults. He could get on your nerves because he constantly repeats things he finds funny. Like 20 years later he still brings up the same jokes about us liking Michael Jackson. He was also easily manipulated. Some people did harmless things, like we once had him call McDonald's and complain his food was bad for free food. Other people made him do things that kids shouldn't know about. The reason I call the bad brother an asshole is because he may have raped him, the story is unclear but it's what I pieced together.

In general I think it gave us a perspective on life that's positive. My mother worked with the mentally retarded and he was FASD so we never made fun of those people. You know how kids are aboit that stuff, we just weren't..

We grew up pretty fast though with all this. I remember when the good brother met his bio dad for the first time and he just hated him (he was a real piece of shit). I had never experienced that side of life before. Or the time that his girlfriend was in the hospital and just died (she was severely disabled). Just things that I otherwise would've never experienced. I also saw him both shine and volunteer several years in the special Olympics. I would say knowing him shaped me.

If you're worried about your bio kids just sit and talk to them about it. We never talked about it and just had this stuff thrown at us.

INB4 people tell me I called everyone in the guild retarded all the time. That's because you guys were.
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How dare you paint the entire guild "retards". Sure, some were retards but the vast majority were just everyday run of the mill fags
 
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moonarchia

moonarchia

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Gavinmad said:
You seem pretty blase about that. I mean obviously it's not something you had anything to do with but that has to be a fucked up thing to learn.
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Well, it did put a damper on me wanting to learn anything about that side of my bio family. Apparently this was someone her family knew pretty well to boot, so there's more to the story I will probably never know about. Just hoping I'm not also an incest baby. I'm blase about it mostly because I never had any real expectations or hopes going into this. I got to thank her for giving me life, so that's crossed off my bucket list.
 
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Araysar

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What things should I aim to accomplish in my first year as a father?
 
K

KDow

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Araysar said:
What things should I aim to accomplish in my first year as a father?
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For me it was:

Months 1 through 8 :Survive.

Months 8 - 12: remember who I was again, start really liking being a dad, survive.
 
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C

Captain Suave

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
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KDow said:
Months 1 through 8 :Survive.
Click to expand...

My daughter had bad acid reflux and would regurgitate fluid and burn her esophagus every time she went to sleep. She ended up sleeping in a carrier strapped to my chest (screaming until she passed out) while I sat all night in a chair. The reflux resolved at about month 9 (no beds for me until then), but she still didn't sleep through the night until she was two and a half.


Araysar said:
What things should I aim to accomplish in my first year as a father?
Click to expand...

Try to stay patient with your spouse. Tiny babies are totally life-deranging. You'll both be utterly exhausted all the time. You won't remember what it's like to have a social life or hobbies. It will feel like the child/life duties are unevenly distributed and someone will be resentful. Just remember that you're on the same team, and it WILL get better.
 
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Hosix

Hosix

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KDow said:
For me it was:

Months 1 through 8 :Survive.

Months 8 - 12: remember who I was again, start really liking being a dad, survive.
Click to expand...

Ya this. Just survive the first few months. My oldest had colic and I was working 3rd shift. The struggle was real.
 
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P

Pescador

Trakanon Raider
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Araysar said:
What things should I aim to accomplish in my first year as a father?
Click to expand...
You're in California right? Take the 6 weeks of paid family leave to bond. For my kids, I took the 6 weeks starting when they were about 3 months old. I got to be there for their first laughs, their attempts to crawl and roll over, and I spent a lot of time learning their habits and figuring out tricks to get them to eat and sleep.

Other than that, I wouldn't stress too much about following rules and methods (except medical guidelines of course). I know people who bought a bunch of parenting books and spent all their time stressing because their kid doesn't match the schedule or the pattern that the book tells them. If your are lucky enough to have a healthy kid, just enjoy it because they change so quickly that it's easy to miss all the stages they go through. Obviously if they are having trouble eating or sleeping then these resources can help, but in most cases a baby will eat when it's hungry and sleep when it's tired.

Other than that? Take lots of pictures and videos. Get as much sleep when you can. Use the baby nap time to enjoy acting like an adult and make sure to maintain a life and an identity outside of being a parent. Stash diapers and wipes everywhere. Talk to your kid a lot - you'll be surprised how much they start understanding around 1yr and it helps them feel comfortable around you.
 
K

KDow

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Captain Suave said:
My daughter had bad acid reflux and would regurgitate fluid and burn her esophagus every time she went to sleep. She ended up sleeping in a carrier strapped to my chest (screaming until she passed out) while I sat all night in a chair. The reflux resolved at about month 9 (no beds for me until then), but she still didn't sleep through the night until she was two and a half.
Click to expand...

Same for my son. We'd feed him and he'd puke up hot magma laying him on his back. We got relief giving him baby Zantac (but apparently that causes cancer?) and using a rock-n-play (which was recalled for killing kids). Got a daughter on the way and if she has reflux too it's going to suck that the 2 things that worked for us aren't available any longer. Even with those solutions it was still a long 8 months.
 
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C

Captain Suave

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
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KDow said:
Even with those solutions it was still a long 8 months.
Click to expand...

As the reflux started to resolve we managed to rig up a 60 degree cardboard wedge with an attached baby carrier, so she could sleep mostly upright. She used that for most of a year.
 
Arative

Arative

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We got this for my daughter who had acid reflux
www.target.com

Graco DuoGlider Gliding Swing - Bellevue

Read reviews and buy Graco DuoGlider Gliding Swing - Bellevue at Target. Choose from contactless Same Day Delivery, Drive Up and more.
www.target.com www.target.com

Had an incline and rocked. She slept in that until she was about 4 months and her acid reflux resolved itself.
 
ver_21

ver_21

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Araysar said:
What things should I aim to accomplish in my first year as a father?
Click to expand...

grab a domain for your kid's name

make and use an email account for a journal to your kid

find a routine that allows you to sleep and exercise

figure out when to seek advice and when to use your judgment
 
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