Parent Thread

a c i d.f l y · Dec 8, 2020

Sooo, she's been doing this go to sleep at 9pm, wake up 7 hours later (3-4am) shit the last week (only had 1 solid night). Last night was our first attempt with melatonin... She went to sleep faster, but still woke up at 3am and didn't go back to sleep. Starting to wonder and worry that she has COPD or something? Talked to our pediatrician, who gave the OK for spot treating with melatonin, no more than a week on, week off. Couple more days of this and we'll have a video chat with the pedi.

Shit is really fucking with my sanity to have my own sleep fractured like this.

Arative · Dec 8, 2020

Both my kids wake up in the night. My daughter used to sleep through the night, now she''ll wake up crying a couple of time a night. I used to go in a hold her until she fell asleep, which would result in me falling asleep in her chair. Now I've gotten to the point where I just go in cover her up, wait until she falls back asleep and go back to my bed. Last night was brutal though, she woke up about 4:30 and want me to hold her hand through her crib. She'll be three in march, trying to break her of the bad habits now

My son on the other hand, wakes up and either wants to get into bed with us or someone to go sleep with him. We just got this book to try and help him stay asleep
Amazon product ASIN 1433803186According to that book with the work sheet, we should be starting bed time at 6:30 PM which is impractical to say the least but it has good ideas to help

Kalaar kururuc · Dec 8, 2020

Yeah, I don't know how you folks cope with the kids going to bed at 9pm or so. My nearly 4 year old has had teeth brushed and is in bed by 6.30, he then has his stories and is unconscious by 6.45-7. Wakes up at 6.30 (time I get up to go to work) which is right in the 11-12 hour/night range that they need. Are your kids all waking up at 8-9am or something? While I'm reading stories to the older kid my wife is feeding the 8 month old and has him asleep by 7.15-7.30, and he's normally up by 7 (obviously variable still as he's very young and wakes up to be be boob fed a few times per night).

Kiroy · Dec 8, 2020

we're only at 4 months but this is guiding us through the sleep thing

tldr is that assuming a healthy, fed, clean diaper child - all other issues you're having with your kid is sleep related (vs just random behavior/colic ect). He wants your kids on a sleep schedule asap - we now have our 4 month old sleeping through the night 12 hours (got lucky with this) and taking a 2-3 hour morning nap and a 2-3 hour afternoon nap. 630-7pm go to sleep time is important and not taking naps will result in a sleep deficit that will result in evening sleep getting all fucked up.

extra tldr not getting enough sleep results in not being able to sleep, getting more sleep results in kid wanting to sleep more

sleep begets sleep, apparently it's near impossible for a child to get too much sleep

Springbok · Dec 8, 2020

So my newborn girl has been home for about 5 weeks now.... what a difference between her and the first. The first basically just slept, was quiet, not fussy etc... This new one is a complete mess. Might be Colic? Basically from about 5-12am every evening it's non stop cries, grunts, vomitous spit up, crankiness and it's about to push my wife off the edge. Feel like we've tried everything but nothing is working. She's okay during the day/through the night (well mostly), but that little window is just a disaster and it's also the only time during the day we get to hang out without our 2.5 year old hanging off the rafters. She also has crazy bad newborn acne - it's like she was just born under a bad sign or something.

Another thing - is it normal to not feel as bonded/close to the second one? All my friends that have girls were saying "look out, once you see the girl you're done!". I feel like shit because that hasn't been the case at all. With my first, the boy, it was immediate and with her it just isn't happening for me yet. Weird to type that, but there it is...

Kiroy · Dec 8, 2020

Springbok said:
So my newborn girl has been home for about 5 weeks now.... what a difference between her and the first. The first basically just slept, was quiet, not fussy etc... This new one is a complete mess. Might be Colic? Basically from about 5-12am every evening it's non stop cries, grunts, vomitous spit up, crankiness and it's about to push my wife off the edge. Feel like we've tried everything but nothing is working. She's okay during the day/through the night (well mostly), but that little window is just a disaster and it's also the only time during the day we get to hang out without our 2.5 year old hanging off the rafters. She also has crazy bad newborn acne - it's like she was just born under a bad sign or something.

our 3pm to 9pm window was horrible until about 3 months when we got her on a really good nap schedule, then it cleared up mostly

Ao- · Dec 8, 2020

Springbok said:
So my newborn girl has been home for about 5 weeks now.... what a difference between her and the first. The first basically just slept, was quiet, not fussy etc... This new one is a complete mess. Might be Colic? Basically from about 5-12am every evening it's non stop cries, grunts, vomitous spit up, crankiness and it's about to push my wife off the edge. Feel like we've tried everything but nothing is working. She's okay during the day/through the night (well mostly), but that little window is just a disaster and it's also the only time during the day we get to hang out without our 2.5 year old hanging off the rafters. She also has crazy bad newborn acne - it's like she was just born under a bad sign or something.

Another thing - is it normal to not feel as bonded/close to the second one? All my friends that have girls were saying "look out, once you see the girl you're done!". I feel like shit because that hasn't been the case at all. With my first, the boy, it was immediate and with her it just isn't happening for me yet. Weird to type that, but there it is...

Our firstborn had colic and pretty bad reflux. My wife had to switch off of dairy completely, and that helped a ton. I remember a few REALLY bad days where the kid cried for almost 17 hours. We finally figured out that louder-white-noise and motion helped her calm down (and normally fall into an exhausted sleep), so I'd sit for hours at a time on a balance ball slowly rocking about 4 feet from a vacuum cleaner that was running. She eventually just "stopped" being colicky and the reflux went away. I'm pretty thankful it was our first and the only other responsibilities I had were the dog and a job. Having that with another kid would have sucked for everyone involved.

Good luck, godspeed.

Hateyou · Dec 8, 2020

Springbok said:
So my newborn girl has been home for about 5 weeks now.... what a difference between her and the first. The first basically just slept, was quiet, not fussy etc... This new one is a complete mess. Might be Colic? Basically from about 5-12am every evening it's non stop cries, grunts, vomitous spit up, crankiness and it's about to push my wife off the edge. Feel like we've tried everything but nothing is working. She's okay during the day/through the night (well mostly), but that little window is just a disaster and it's also the only time during the day we get to hang out without our 2.5 year old hanging off the rafters. She also has crazy bad newborn acne - it's like she was just born under a bad sign or something.

Another thing - is it normal to not feel as bonded/close to the second one? All my friends that have girls were saying "look out, once you see the girl you're done!". I feel like shit because that hasn't been the case at all. With my first, the boy, it was immediate and with her it just isn't happening for me yet. Weird to type that, but there it is...

That would be horrible. Our son never slept through the night, for like 10 months? But it was almost always around 2-3 and a bottle and rocking would put him back to sleep so it just became part of our schedule.

We knew a couple that had a baby with colic and she screamed and cried 24/7 for like an entire year. The parents basically just had to take turns with her and leave the house and get help from family because they couldn’t sleep, couldn’t have conversations, nothing. Just 24/7 screaming.

a c i d.f l y · Dec 8, 2020

Springbok said:
So my newborn girl has been home for about 5 weeks now.... what a difference between her and the first. The first basically just slept, was quiet, not fussy etc... This new one is a complete mess. Might be Colic? Basically from about 5-12am every evening it's non stop cries, grunts, vomitous spit up, crankiness and it's about to push my wife off the edge. Feel like we've tried everything but nothing is working. She's okay during the day/through the night (well mostly), but that little window is just a disaster and it's also the only time during the day we get to hang out without our 2.5 year old hanging off the rafters. She also has crazy bad newborn acne - it's like she was just born under a bad sign or something.

Another thing - is it normal to not feel as bonded/close to the second one? All my friends that have girls were saying "look out, once you see the girl you're done!". I feel like shit because that hasn't been the case at all. With my first, the boy, it was immediate and with her it just isn't happening for me yet. Weird to type that, but there it is...

Sounds like reflux. Give them a pro-biotic -- that shit did wonders for my daughter at that age. Same exact issue. Went away after a month.

Back to the sleep issue that I'm having, she was a perfect 12-13 hour a night sleeper up until a couple of weeks ago. She's 2.5'ish now. A combination of a huge mental leap, physical growth, and the weather -- it's dry as fuck, and she wakes up coughing/sneezing and her lips are getting pretty chapped lately as well.

Hateyou · Dec 8, 2020

Springbok said:
So my newborn girl has been home for about 5 weeks now.... what a difference between her and the first. The first basically just slept, was quiet, not fussy etc... This new one is a complete mess. Might be Colic? Basically from about 5-12am every evening it's non stop cries, grunts, vomitous spit up, crankiness and it's about to push my wife off the edge. Feel like we've tried everything but nothing is working. She's okay during the day/through the night (well mostly), but that little window is just a disaster and it's also the only time during the day we get to hang out without our 2.5 year old hanging off the rafters. She also has crazy bad newborn acne - it's like she was just born under a bad sign or something.

Another thing - is it normal to not feel as bonded/close to the second one? All my friends that have girls were saying "look out, once you see the girl you're done!". I feel like shit because that hasn't been the case at all. With my first, the boy, it was immediate and with her it just isn't happening for me yet. Weird to type that, but there it is...

I don’t think that bonding thing you’re feeling bad about is uncommon. Right now she’s so new and you’ve been through this baby phase before it’s just not a big deal and you aren’t as worried/emotional about it because you know it’s not as hard as you thought with the first one.

I think the girl thing starts coming in when she gets a little older and starts getting more clingy to you, telling you she loves you, shit like that. You’ll start feeling more protective over her than the boy cause she’ll be more emotional. Like when boys get in trouble they scream, stomp, smart off, etc. When a girl gets in trouble she’ll start crying because she’s upset that you’re disappointed with her.

Captain Suave · Dec 8, 2020

Springbok said:
is it normal to not feel as bonded/close to the second one? All my friends that have girls were saying "look out, once you see the girl you're done!". I feel like shit because that hasn't been the case at all. With my first, the boy, it was immediate and with her it just isn't happening for me yet. Weird to type that, but there it is...

Honestly, babies are mostly cute and there's obviously a major component of duty/responsibility, but I didn't really feel deeply bonded to either of my kids until they started to get more interactive at 12+ months, and it didn't peak until they could talk functionally. The early phases are just too much life-deranging stress for that not to bleed over into your relationship. It just keeps getting cooler now that they're 6 and 9 and not so goddamn helpless.

Arative · Dec 9, 2020

I didn't really start bonding with my kids until they were about 9 months old and they got some personality. Before that they were just eating and pooping dolls

Falstaff · Dec 10, 2020

Hateyou said:
I don’t think that bonding thing you’re feeling bad about is uncommon. Right now she’s so new and you’ve been through this baby phase before it’s just not a big deal and you aren’t as worried/emotional about it because you know it’s not as hard as you thought with the first one.

I think the girl thing starts coming in when she gets a little older and starts getting more clingy to you, telling you she loves you, shit like that. You’ll start feeling more protective over her than the boy cause she’ll be more emotional. Like when boys get in trouble they scream, stomp, smart off, etc. When a girl gets in trouble she’ll start crying because she’s upset that you’re disappointed with her.

My kids are the opposite of this right now. My daughter is 7 and when you yell at her she gets pissed and starts blaming anyone and everyone else that she can. Nothing is ever her fault.Then she stomps off and screams. My son is 5 and when he’s in trouble he feels real shame and often cries about what he did wrong while trying to apologize.

lurkingdirk · Dec 10, 2020

You guys gotta help me. My two oldest are home from college, so all five kids are in the house. With the blah blah quarantine going on it means they are all here all the time. Two are still doing online schooling, and the youngest is still in person school, but every evening, every moment all weekend, we are all "trapped" in the house. We're getting on each others' nerves. We play games. We eat together. We do all the things we used to do, but the two oldest have lived away from home now, and the whole feel of everything has just....changed. I am having a hard time explaining it. They just seem...impatient with everyone else. Like they have a huge need to impose their will on everything, and it's wearing on the rest of us.

How can I assure them of their independence while also getting them to participate more in family life? Being 20 and being stuck at home sucks for them, I understand that, and I do love having everyone home and living together, but there's just an underlying tension all the damned time. I'm probably overreacting because we've always been so tight as a family and haven't had any issues like this persist.

Thoughts?

Izo · Dec 10, 2020

Play hunger games. See how volunteers as tribute. Crown that one the favorite.

Hateyou · Dec 10, 2020

lurkingdirk said:
You guys gotta help me. My two oldest are home from college, so all five kids are in the house. With the blah blah quarantine going on it means they are all here all the time. Two are still doing online schooling, and the youngest is still in person school, but every evening, every moment all weekend, we are all "trapped" in the house. We're getting on each others' nerves. We play games. We eat together. We do all the things we used to do, but the two oldest have lived away from home now, and the whole feel of everything has just....changed. I am having a hard time explaining it. They just seem...impatient with everyone else. Like they have a huge need to impose their will on everything, and it's wearing on the rest of us.

How can I assure them of their independence while also getting them to participate more in family life? Being 20 and being stuck at home sucks for them, I understand that, and I do love having everyone home and living together, but there's just an underlying tension all the damned time. I'm probably overreacting because we've always been so tight as a family and haven't had any issues like this persist.

Thoughts?

Idk, welcome to lockdown. We’re all going through it.

a c i d.f l y · Dec 11, 2020

lurkingdirk said:
You guys gotta help me. My two oldest are home from college, so all five kids are in the house. With the blah blah quarantine going on it means they are all here all the time. Two are still doing online schooling, and the youngest is still in person school, but every evening, every moment all weekend, we are all "trapped" in the house. We're getting on each others' nerves. We play games. We eat together. We do all the things we used to do, but the two oldest have lived away from home now, and the whole feel of everything has just....changed. I am having a hard time explaining it. They just seem...impatient with everyone else. Like they have a huge need to impose their will on everything, and it's wearing on the rest of us.

How can I assure them of their independence while also getting them to participate more in family life? Being 20 and being stuck at home sucks for them, I understand that, and I do love having everyone home and living together, but there's just an underlying tension all the damned time. I'm probably overreacting because we've always been so tight as a family and haven't had any issues like this persist.

Thoughts?

You don't remember being 20? Being stuck at home would fucking suck major donkey balls at that age. I spent nearly every waking hour away from home at that age. You wanna do family shit, they wanna be out of the house. If they're not computer/game nerds like I was, they probably aren't going to ever feel comfortable being couped up for any period of time. That tension isn't going to go away until you figure out a way to get them out of the house for at least some part of the day. Trust me when I say this shit sucks for everyone. I work from home, and I go hang out by myself at a bar just to get away from my family for a couple of hours.

Also at that age, being impatient, impressing upon others, that's independence expressing itself. They're being forced to deal with each other when if it were any other year, they wouldn't have to.

Communicate. "This sucks. For everyone. Here's a beer."

Captain Suave · Dec 11, 2020

lurkingdirk said:
Thoughts?

I lived with my parents for a year after graduation (2001, had my first "real" job yanked out from under me by the tech crash). The only way I got through it was by either locking myself in my room or being out of the house. I had a pretty good relationship with my parents, all told, but it sucks having your wings clipped right after you've had a good chance to stretch them.

No good advice, sadly.

lurkingdirk · Dec 11, 2020

a c i d.f l y said:
You don't remember being 20? Being stuck at home would fucking suck major donkey balls at that age. I spent nearly every waking hour away from home at that age. You wanna do family shit, they wanna be out of the house. If they're not computer/game nerds like I was, they probably aren't going to ever feel comfortable being couped up for any period of time. That tension isn't going to go away until you figure out a way to get them out of the house for at least some part of the day. Trust me when I say this shit sucks for everyone. I work from home, and I go hang out by myself at a bar just to get away from my family for a couple of hours.

Also at that age, being impatient, impressing upon others, that's independence expressing itself. They're being forced to deal with each other when if it were any other year, they wouldn't have to.

Communicate. "This sucks. For everyone. Here's a beer."

Captain Suave said:
I lived with my parents for a year after graduation (2001, had my first "real" job yanked out from under me by the tech crash). The only way I got through it was by either locking myself in my room or being out of the house. I had a pretty good relationship with my parents, all told, but it sucks having your wings clipped right after you've had a good chance to stretch them.

No good advice, sadly.

Yeah, I know all this. It's still a little surprising considering how tight we all are. I wish I had a solution for them, in the mean time we'll just muddle through.

Captain Suave · Dec 11, 2020

a c i d.f l y said:
"This sucks. For everyone. Here's a beer."

Actually, a beer is a good idea. I developed a much better adult relationship with my parents when we started drinking together.

Parent Thread

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