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Hatorade

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Does she get any kind of punishment for the bad grades? I’d start escalating that to show her you’re serious. Taking things away, etc.
Yeah, we tried both the carrot and the stick. Kind of gets better then go right back to shit.
 

Hateyou

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Yeah, we tried both the carrot and the stick. Kind of gets better then go right back to shit.
Hmm, not sure. Constant reminders before she heads off to school to turn her shit in? Or maybe organizing it for her in folders?
 

Hatorade

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Hmm, not sure. Constant reminders before she heads off to school to turn her shit in? Or maybe organizing it for her in folders?
Yup been doing/did that every day, literally make sure it is in the folder and she "forgets" to turn it in.
 

Hateyou

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Yup been doing/did that every day, literally make sure it is in the folder and she "forgets" to turn it in.
Yeah that would be really frustrating. Beyond having the teacher ask her for it every day I’m not sure (Which as a parent I would probably not do, I’d think it’s bullshit). Maybe reminders on her phone if she has one. Sounds dumb but even I do that for daily shit.
 

Hatorade

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Took phone away but even when she had it she would basically ignore any alarms. Appreciate the tips and good to know what we tried are the things suggested. Hate to say it but I really do feel like we are failing as parents.
At this rate she is going to be held back and fail but maybe that is what she needs.

Last night she went into the bathroom turned the shower on for like 2 minutes and then turned it off. She clearly didn’t even let the water warm up and she straight lied to my face when I asked about it. Since day 1 I have straight told her lying to me is the worst answer every time.

Sadly I got so angry I dented our front door, which is unlike me. Tried walking away but only made it as far as the front door before exploding. It wasn’t a good time, what hurt the most was she actually ran away like I was going to hurt her. In her defense the wife told me later that even she was freaked out. Growing up in fear of your parent sucks, and I know doesn’t work. Feel like I am sharing too much with too little context but this whole situation sucks.
 
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Hateyou

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Took phone away but even when she had it she would basically ignore any alarms. Appreciate the tips and good to know what we tried are the things suggested. Hate to say it but I really do feel like we are failing as parents.
At this rate she is going to be held back and fail but maybe that is what she needs.

Last night she went into the bathroom turned the shower on for like 2 minutes and then turned it off. She clearly didn’t even let the water warm up and she straight lied to my face when I asked about it. Since day 1 I have straight told her lying to me is the worst answer every time.

Sadly I got so angry I dented our front door, which is unlike me. Tried walking away but only made it as far as the front door before exploding. It wasn’t a good time, what hurt the most was she actually ran away like I was going to hurt her. In her defense the wife told me later that even she was freaked out. Growing up in fear of your parent sucks, and I know doesn’t work. Feel like I am sharing too much with too little context but this whole situation sucks.
Nah emotions can run high real quick with family, especially frustrating teenagers. You never know, maybe that scare she just had will wake her up. “Oh shit dads serious” Definitely not something you want to do often but it sounds like you already know that. Just sit down with her today, talk about your outburst like adults, and tell her why what she is doing is so frustrating and what she is doing is doing to her parents. Some times legit heart to hearts like that have to happen.
 

Gavinmad

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Took phone away but even when she had it she would basically ignore any alarms. Appreciate the tips and good to know what we tried are the things suggested. Hate to say it but I really do feel like we are failing as parents.
At this rate she is going to be held back and fail but maybe that is what she needs.

Last night she went into the bathroom turned the shower on for like 2 minutes and then turned it off. She clearly didn’t even let the water warm up and she straight lied to my face when I asked about it. Since day 1 I have straight told her lying to me is the worst answer every time.

Sadly I got so angry I dented our front door, which is unlike me. Tried walking away but only made it as far as the front door before exploding. It wasn’t a good time, what hurt the most was she actually ran away like I was going to hurt her. In her defense the wife told me later that even she was freaked out. Growing up in fear of your parent sucks, and I know doesn’t work. Feel like I am sharing too much with too little context but this whole situation sucks.
Have you tried talking to a counselor or even a psychologist? Even as a troubled kid who grew up unmedicated for ADHD (so I did all sorts of shit to tweak my parents) that shower story sounds utterly bizarre to me.
 

Hatorade

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Have you tried talking to a counselor or even a psychologist? Even as a troubled kid who grew up unmedicated for ADHD (so I did all sorts of shit to tweak my parents) that shower story sounds utterly bizarre to me.
Counselors, psychologist, and psychiatrist over the years, even recently tried meds as recommended for about 6 months (I was against it but desperate times) she is off everything now.
 

Gavinmad

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Counselors, psychologist, and psychiatrist over the years, even recently tried meds as recommended for about 6 months (I was against it but desperate times) she is off everything now.
Well I don't want to get too far up in your business, but what kinda meds were they prescribing?
 

Hatorade

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Well I don't want to get too far up in your business, but what kinda meds were they prescribing?

Psychiatrist went with sertraline AKA Lupin 100mg, then eventually to Bupropion 100mg. Short version: Daughter didn't like how the Bupropion made her feel

after talking with the Psychiatrist we ended up taking her off everything.

 

Gavinmad

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Psychiatrist went with sertraline AKA Lupin 100mg, then eventually to Bupropion 100mg. Short version: Daughter didn't like how the Bupropion made her feel

after talking with the Psychiatrist we ended up taking her off everything.

What about intelligence. Is she smart, dumb, or average?
 

Hatorade

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What about intelligence. Is she smart, dumb, or average?
She can't tell a coherent story but any school work she actually does she gets at worst low Bs. She was in all AP classes as well but we slowly pulled her out of those as she struggled.
 

Gavinmad

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She can't tell a coherent story but any school work she actually does she gets at worst low Bs. She was in all AP classes as well but we slowly pulled her out of those as she struggled.
One possibility is that she's smart enough that even the AP classes weren't really challenging her, but I feel like you'd have picked up on that by now. What hobbies is she in to?
 

Hatorade

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One possibility is that she's smart enough that even the AP classes weren't really challenging her, but I feel like you'd have picked up on that by now. What hobbies is she in to?
Yeah she was challenged for sure. She loves everything Cosmetology and we learning how to skateboard, she really enjoys both.
 
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Gavinmad

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Yeah she was challenged for sure. She loves everything Cosmetology and we learning how to skateboard, she really enjoys both.
I dunno. One of my thoughts was one of those juvenile boot camps might do her a world of good, but I think those are aimed more at kids who are running afoul of the law?

My other thought was to just box up literally all her shit and start treating her like a death row inmate until she either pulls her head out of her ass or the stress induces further behavioral issues that might give you a clue to an underlying problem that the therapists missed. Which would probably exhausting as hell for all three of you but it sounds like you're about at your wit's end anyway or you wouldn't be bringing the problem here.
 
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Loser Araysar

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So I have some questions about Montessori schools...

My daughter is 19 months now and we are starting to look at where to place her once she hits the 2 year mark.

There is a Montessori school in our town and I've heard some of my friends in Chicago speak highly of the Montessori schools that they sent their kids to in Chicago suburbs. I've done some reading on the Montessori system and it seems reasonable but in this day and age I am highly skeptical of anything that schools and education systems proclaim or promise.

So has anyone placed their kids into one and were they happy with the outcomes? I think I saw Cad Cad mention having his kids in one.

Any suggestions on what to screen for and evaluate?
Any suggestions on how to discern "good" Montessori schools from "bad" ones if that even makes sense?

Anything else I should be asking or looking into?

Is this some sort of commie Trojan horse that's ultimately all about "feels"?
 

Hateyou

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I think any early learning place is going to be good for a kid. Anything that is exposing them to words, somewhat structured, math, constant activities, etc. You could tell (and still can) a massive difference between our kid and ones who went to places that were basically just babysitting. My kid is now in 1st and reads better than 3rd graders in outlet neighborhood, can do complex math in his head older kids can’t, etc.
 

Loser Araysar

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I think any early learning place is going to be good for a kid. Anything that is exposing them to words, somewhat structured, math, constant activities, etc. You could tell (and still can) a massive difference between our kid and ones who went to places that were basically just babysitting. My kid is now in 1st and reads better than 3rd graders in outlet neighborhood, can do complex math in his head older kids can’t, etc.

What kind of a place did you place your kid?