This reminds me. Antarius I'm going to give you a homework assignment. First go to a gun store and purchaee yourself a handgun, something reliable. After the waiting period, go pick it up along with a nice bottle of whiskey.
Start drinking when you get home. Now here is the important part. Think about your future. Given your nature, you will find love, it will be a kind soul with emense empathy. Picture her. Think of her and your child. Now think about yourself and your demented view of the world. Realize you will never trust her, show her respect, or any nurturing. You will rationalize linfedelity and her pain. Think how you will ultimately ruin her and the child's lives because of your selfishness. Know she is better off never knowing you. Have it? Know you will only end up hurting the only people who care about you? Good. Embeace the cold, welcoming iron of the handgun in your mouth.