The grass is always greener until you get to the other side. I'm sure there's a lot she could say about you, and I find it strange that she's the one putting in the majority of the effort to visit.
Stay or go?
- Thread starter Zhavric
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This is the saddest thing I've ever read here.
If you tell me that you wake up, every single day, 100% pedal to the metal in love with someone, I will call you a liar every single day of the week. Any relationship that is that intense is either bullshit waiting to happen or brand spanking new, and it'll fizzle out at some point.
Zhavric, the only reason I'd say you need to run for the hills is the gaslighting you're getting from her. If she refuses to acknowledge the constant outpouring of emotional abuse she's putting you through, she isn't worth your time, no matter how comfortable being around her can be when she isn't forcing you to talk her down the rest of the time. Get out now.
Or, hey, you could always treat her the way she's been treating you, and if she can get over it (without killing someone, least of all you or herself), maybe she'll have an epiphany and start treating you better. But do you really want to chance it? Sounds like she's used to getting exactly the behaviour she wants out of you, and if you press the issue, she might react very poorly. Your call.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Thats completely not true, I've been married a long time, and there's nobody I've ever met thats tempted me away from her even for a second. There have been times I wanted to strangle her dumb ass but her and I are a team and we always work it out and come together.
Now, in the situation in the OP of this thread, he should dump that bitch like yesterday. And lose weight. But when you do find someone good and open yourself up to her and she to you, and you really communicate with her all your needs and wants and don't play any fucking games (and neither does she) it's a beautiful thing.
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I'm not talking about being tempted by someone else, Cad. I'm talking about "being content" being "fucking pathetic". There are plenty of times when I'm content, and you know what? As far as I'm concerned, that's a hell of a lot better than being alone/depressed because I'm alone, and that doesn't mean I've settled, either.
What you're describing in your first paragraph there is exactly the same thing that I have with my wife. We have our issues, at times. We work them out. That's called "a relationship". All these fairy tales about a ridiculous crazy love story that has no downsides and zero effort? No. Just no.
As for OP, he will feel like he has to talk this friend of his down from her moods sometimes, and that's normal. It isn't normal when it happens all the time, though, and that's the biggest red flag here, in my opinion. He called her "low maintenance". I say that's absolutely false if he has to walk on eggshells around her all the time for fear of triggering some sort of negative response. She's high maintenance as hell.
What you're describing in your first paragraph there is exactly the same thing that I have with my wife. We have our issues, at times. We work them out. That's called "a relationship". All these fairy tales about a ridiculous crazy love story that has no downsides and zero effort? No. Just no.
As for OP, he will feel like he has to talk this friend of his down from her moods sometimes, and that's normal. It isn't normal when it happens all the time, though, and that's the biggest red flag here, in my opinion. He called her "low maintenance". I say that's absolutely false if he has to walk on eggshells around her all the time for fear of triggering some sort of negative response. She's high maintenance as hell.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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The ridiculous, crazy love part is implied by "I couldn't imagine being content with another person". Maybe I'm just missing Itlan's huge problem with being content.
Anyway, I don't want to take away from OP too much, and he clearly isn't even content or he wouldn't be asking this question in a place like this.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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Shit I thought that was an ewok saying that. To be fair to me, almost everything the ewoks said sounded about like that. OK then, his avatar should be a hutt.
Brad2770
Avatar of War Slayer
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Before you bail, give it one month. During this month, start acting as you did when you first met. Do all the stupid retarded things you did to get and keep her attention. Keep it up for a month. The sex will increase and she will calm the fuck down. One thing I learned- The horse isn't a winner on its own. You have to ride that horse hard to make it a winner.
After a month if nothing changes, then there is your answer. You're the man. It's your responsibility to keep things alive.
After a month if nothing changes, then there is your answer. You're the man. It's your responsibility to keep things alive.
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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Brad2770
Avatar of War Slayer
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I'm not saying the woman isn't expected to contribute to the relationship, but at any point you start to ease up off of the things you did to get her interested, things can get stale. Keep her surprised. Keep her always guessing what you will do next. This is what I'm talking about that is your responsibility. (Flower when she wakes up, gift card to her favorite beauty application, a poem to cheer her up when she is sad, etc...)
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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You're a complete moron. You're literally saying here that it's both people's responsibility so neither should do anything. On one hand I'd like to know how anything gets done in your world where no one ever takes the lead, but on the other hand I think it would be best if you just didn't post in this thread anymore.
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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You're being oddly retarded in this post. My only statement was that it is not one party's responsibility to 'keep things alive'. A relationship requires both parties to want it alive. If only one party is interested you end up with horrible abominations like the OP has going on. If you want a woman who is completely submissive in a relationship, that's a tangent I don't see being useful in this thread.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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Brad's advice was to take initiative and give it a month. Your rebuttal was not to do that because somehow both people have to do these things at exactly the same time. I suppose they get together and count down from 3 and then start? But how do they know that since no one is allowed to take the initiative and bring it up. You made an idiotic response to some solid advice. His method has saved lots of marriages. When you get in a situation like he's in, it's usually because of complacency not because someone has checked out. You don't wake up one day apart, you wake up one day and realize you've drifted apart. When you start being more attentive and doing the things you did in the beginning the other person often realizes it too and responds in kind. She may not even remember what she's missing.
That being said I don't think it's something zhavic should bother trying. This woman has way more negatives than positives and it sounds like she was never all in anyway. But it's his decision if he thinks it's a relationship worth trying to save.
That being said I don't think it's something zhavic should bother trying. This woman has way more negatives than positives and it sounds like she was never all in anyway. But it's his decision if he thinks it's a relationship worth trying to save.
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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Maybe not this, but if you break up she will likely move on to one of your other friends, since she has none of her own. In fact, six months with no sex is an indicator that this might already be taking place. You are not in love. You are not even fucking this woman. You are just too lazy to bury the fucking corpse of your relationship and move on with life. Pull the ripcord and get back out there and find someone who DOES make you love them and want to fuck them. Plus. expect her to go nuclear in response to this and sabotage all your mutual friendships to the best of her ability. Whatever you do, don't advance the relationship as an attempt to "fix" it. Its dead and has been for a while. Deep down, you knew this before you ever posted here. Bury it, sack up, and move on. Only your own apathy is keeping you in this situation.
Utnayan
F16 patrolling Rajaah until he plays DS3
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I have a better saying. The grass is just as green on both sides. Just different weeds.
Sounds like you are unbearably unhappy dude. Move on if you are not happy.
Go find some different weeds.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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