Telestin
Bronze Knight of the Realm
- 153
- 32
Just a little humor to pass the time during downtime.After three beta weekends, I had decided not to purchase Elder Scrolls Online (ESO). Then, inexplicably, I was given the Imperial Edition of the game as a gift. So, I re-downloaded the client, joined a guild and embarked on my 5-day early access. This review is based on the first 10 levels of ESO.
I am going to put this as succinctly as possible. If you like to read, and you like to walk, ESO will make you happy in the pants.
The writers of ESO are very good at what they do ? and that?s writing. Alot.
I understand that lore is very important to some players. However, the writers of ESO suffer from severe dysentery of the lore intestine(yes, you read that right). Practically every NPC you encounter will have something to say to you. Often times, they will say way too much. It?s like getting stuck in a nursing home with twenty 90-year-olds who want to tell you their life story. It?s overwhelming, slow, plodding, and after 5 days listening to the same stories, you want to drink yourself into Oblivion.
Let me put it this way. When I approach a quest-giving NPC, I want him to say something like, ?Go over there and chop down that tree!?. But in ESO, this isn?t enough. The NPC?s have to give me a complete oral history of the tree before telling me to go destroy it.
So, now I set off to chop down the tree - but whereisit? It?s over the hills, through the woods and just outside grandma?s house. Where is grandma?s house? Not anywherenearthe quest NPC!
I hop on my white steed (a mount that is included with the Imperial Edition) and trek across the map to chop down that damnable tree.Nowwould seem like an opportune time to mention that my gorgeous white mount, whom I named Snowflake, is the slowest damn animal in equine history.
After arriving at the tree, I chop it down. Yes, this task is as thrilling as it sounds.
Now I get a pop-up message telling me to return to the quest-giver, Corporal Longwind. I hop on Snowflake and travel over the hills, through the woods . . you get the picture.
Upon telling Corporal Longwind that I have successfully chopped down the tree, he showers me with a lengthy speech about how chopping down this tree will alter the history of the world. Seriously, a simplethankswould have sufficed.
Having finished this quest, I am extremely eager to get my reward! Perhaps I will get a new bow! ? butno. You see, it?s rare to find a simple quest in ESO. Most quests, early on, are part of a questline. As it turns out, Longwind is sending me out to chop down more trees! Only after a half hour?s worth of traveling back and forth will Longwind finally give me my reward! A new staff!!! Awesome! My archer could really use one of those!
I am going to put this as succinctly as possible. If you like to read, and you like to walk, ESO will make you happy in the pants.
The writers of ESO are very good at what they do ? and that?s writing. Alot.
I understand that lore is very important to some players. However, the writers of ESO suffer from severe dysentery of the lore intestine(yes, you read that right). Practically every NPC you encounter will have something to say to you. Often times, they will say way too much. It?s like getting stuck in a nursing home with twenty 90-year-olds who want to tell you their life story. It?s overwhelming, slow, plodding, and after 5 days listening to the same stories, you want to drink yourself into Oblivion.
Let me put it this way. When I approach a quest-giving NPC, I want him to say something like, ?Go over there and chop down that tree!?. But in ESO, this isn?t enough. The NPC?s have to give me a complete oral history of the tree before telling me to go destroy it.
So, now I set off to chop down the tree - but whereisit? It?s over the hills, through the woods and just outside grandma?s house. Where is grandma?s house? Not anywherenearthe quest NPC!
I hop on my white steed (a mount that is included with the Imperial Edition) and trek across the map to chop down that damnable tree.Nowwould seem like an opportune time to mention that my gorgeous white mount, whom I named Snowflake, is the slowest damn animal in equine history.
After arriving at the tree, I chop it down. Yes, this task is as thrilling as it sounds.
Now I get a pop-up message telling me to return to the quest-giver, Corporal Longwind. I hop on Snowflake and travel over the hills, through the woods . . you get the picture.
Upon telling Corporal Longwind that I have successfully chopped down the tree, he showers me with a lengthy speech about how chopping down this tree will alter the history of the world. Seriously, a simplethankswould have sufficed.
Having finished this quest, I am extremely eager to get my reward! Perhaps I will get a new bow! ? butno. You see, it?s rare to find a simple quest in ESO. Most quests, early on, are part of a questline. As it turns out, Longwind is sending me out to chop down more trees! Only after a half hour?s worth of traveling back and forth will Longwind finally give me my reward! A new staff!!! Awesome! My archer could really use one of those!
