The Fast Food Thread

  • Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!



    Go here and give us your nominations!
    Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!

Jysin

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
6,463
4,352
Do paper towels not light on fire in microwaves? Or is that the joke?

Sorry, I'm not testing this shit at home.
I keep a dry paper down on the bottom of the microwave 24/7 for easy spill clean up. It has yet to ever catch fire.

Plus, wetting a paper towel and placing it over certain foods while reheating (pasta, rice, etc) can add moisture back to the food during re-heating.

God damn microwave noobs!
 

Mist

REEEEeyore
<Gold Donor>
31,207
23,415
If something is dry it can't really react with microwaves (unless it's aluminum, then lol.) Microwaves excite the water molecules in food.

Cook microwave breakfast sausage with some paper towel wrapped around it for good effect.
 

Column_sl

shitlord
9,833
7
Mac and Cheese out of the box is nothing compared to those people who cook up those Mac, and cheese dishes at pot luck dinners. Holy fuck are those godlike.
 

BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
<Silver Donator>
14,675
2,537
Mac and Cheese is one of those things that even when it's bad it's good. I did overdose on it in college though. The water pump on my car went out right after I got to college which ate up all of my startup money and I hadn't found a job yet and I found a sale where they were selling store brand mac and cheese 8 boxes for a dollar and I bought 80 boxes and literally lived on 2 boxes of the worst possible box mac and cheese a day for a month. I didn't have any milk or butter either so it was just the powder stirred into the noodles. After that I could not eat mac and cheese of any kind for about 2 years but I have long since fully recovered and I bet there aren't many people who could say that they lived for a month on $10 worth of food.

Velveeta is sort of gross cold but once it melts it becomes pure deliciousness. Good addition to any casserole, chili, dip, or whatever.
 

Mario Speedwagon

Gold Recognition
<Prior Amod>
19,525
72,214
Nostalgia has killed my taste buds, because I can't do any other mac and cheese than the Kraft box kind. something about the flavor just tastes like mac and cheese to me. Shells and cheese are ok (kraft not velveeeta because velveeta is gross, as we have established) but it just isn't as good to me. Generally I prefer it to homemade as well. The trailer park is strong in me, bros.
So literally the worst kind of mac and cheese is your favorite? I mean shells and cheese(velveeta) blows kraft horseshit out of the fucking water and its not even that great.

You are a broken man.
 

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,280
15,112
Paper towels can catch fire in a microwave, I did fairly extensive research on it earlier. I've come to the conclusion that it's worse with old microwaves or broken ones, with an almost fraction of a chance in newer microwaves.
 

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
14,163
607
I found a really good quick and semi-healthy snack. So you get a hard boiled egg. Take a bite into it so it makes a concave. Fill the concave with some Frank's Red Hot. Repeat.
 

Noodleface

A Mod Real Quick
38,280
15,112
Sounds great minus the eggs

I had a guy at work that wanted to borrow some of my frank's red hot and just drank it from the bottle
 

Itlan

Blackwing Lair Raider
4,994
744
Paper towels can catch fire in a microwave, I did fairly extensive research on it earlier. I've come to the conclusion that it's worse with old microwaves or broken ones, with an almost fraction of a chance in newer microwaves.
Confirmed. My microwave (I really don't know when it's from, but I was born in 89 and I don't ever remember a different one, so it's at least 25 years old) lit that shit on fire immediately.

Also, what the fuck are you guys microwaving that "explodes" all over the place? Granted, I rarely use my microwave to begin with so I'm a little out of the loop here.
 

Vaclav

Bronze Baronet of the Realm
12,650
877
Confirmed. My microwave (I really don't know when it's from, but I was born in 89 and I don't ever remember a different one, so it's at least 25 years old) lit that shit on fire immediately.

Also, what the fuck are you guys microwaving that "explodes" all over the place? Granted, I rarely use my microwave to begin with so I'm a little out of the loop here.
Stuff with a ton of sauce or other liquid. Spaghetti sauce is usually a big offender for most. Soups also (although usually less noted since they're easier to cleanup)
 

Jysin

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
6,463
4,352
Confirmed. My microwave (I really don't know when it's from, but I was born in 89 and I don't ever remember a different one, so it's at least 25 years old) lit that shit on fire immediately.

Also, what the fuck are you guys microwaving that "explodes" all over the place? Granted, I rarely use my microwave to begin with so I'm a little out of the loop here.
So strange, I have put paper towels in the microwave as long as I can remember and never had one so much as turn brown, let alone ignite!

Also, how have you never had food splatter in the microwave!?? Thick liquids tend to do it the worst, as well as anything fatty. Eggs are prone to making a mess too.
 

Itlan

Blackwing Lair Raider
4,994
744
So strange, I have put paper towels in the microwave as long as I can remember and never had one so much as turn brown, let alone ignite!

Also, how have you never had food splatter in the microwave!?? Thick liquids tend to do it the worst, as well as anything fatty. Eggs are prone to making a mess too.
Really the only thing I microwave is... uh. Not much of anything. Sometimes if I'm super fucking lazy I'll nuke the broccoli instead of actually cooking it. I use it as a defroster sometimes, but I try to avoid that (the outer parts become almost cooked and the middle is fucking rock solid).

Leftovers I suppose, but I don't eat things with thick liquid. If I did, I would throw it in a pot and heat it up.
 

Chysamere

FF14 Free Company Master
<WoW Guild Officer>
3,489
3,200
Potatoes always explode in the microwave if you're heating them in a stew or something like that. Gotta wrap film over the top and poke holes in it. Never heard of a paper towel catching on fire though.

Spend the $90 to upgrade to a 1200W microwave you cheap fucks.
 

Joeboo

Molten Core Raider
8,157
140
Never use recycled paper in the microwave. Any recycled paper (a lot of paper bags, some paper towels, etc) can have tiny flecks of metal that spark and quickly start fires.

I've been using normal paper towels for YEARS with never a single fire, but it's generally to do something like cover a bowl of soup, so the paper towel is absorbing moisture, making it hard to burn, regardless.

There was a popular "life hack" on the internet a while back to make your own microwave popcorn by putting loose kernals and a teaspoon of oil in a brown paper bag(lunch bag) and microwave it. HUGE fire risk, as most brown paper bags are made from recycled paper nowadays.
 

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
<Nazi Janitors>
28,433
44,761
I've done the popcorn in a brown bag without issue before. I didn't even use oil. Just kernels and bag. Guess I'll have to keep an eye on that if I use those bags again!
 

Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
14,163
607
Back when I was a kid and didn't know better and Taco Bell wrapped their tacos in aluminum foil I tossed that in the microwave once and was delighted to quite the fireshow